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Started By
Message
Trashy or not? I threw down on my mother tonight on the phone
Posted on 5/17/18 at 12:38 am
Posted on 5/17/18 at 12:38 am
My mom is 73, my dad 75. WE live in Bloomington. Il and my second daughter is graduating from high school in 7 days. My mom has tried to weasel out of it several times and we politely said it would be tough on our daughter if they weren't there. My daughter is high functioning autistic. My parents visit us very infrequently. They see my sister and their kids several times a year. I haven't really been bothered to this point.
Now my mom says they are too old to make the trip but want to see us for our family vaca in Fl in early June. They are just too tired to make two trips back to back that close. My daughter will be heartbroken if they don't show.
I basically called my mom out and said if they didn't show there would be repercussions. She said I was disrespectful to her but agreed to come. I am pissed but wonder if maybe I was too hard. What say you? No pics of said daughter. Said 73 mother are available on request.
Now my mom says they are too old to make the trip but want to see us for our family vaca in Fl in early June. They are just too tired to make two trips back to back that close. My daughter will be heartbroken if they don't show.
I basically called my mom out and said if they didn't show there would be repercussions. She said I was disrespectful to her but agreed to come. I am pissed but wonder if maybe I was too hard. What say you? No pics of said daughter. Said 73 mother are available on request.
This post was edited on 5/17/18 at 12:39 am
27
Posted on 5/17/18 at 12:40 am to ShermanTxTiger
Dear Facebook
Your parents live in Florida?
I can understand both perspectives, if they can't make it I hope they do something nice to recognize the occasion when you all do meet up. If they were traveling to see your sister and their kids but not you and your kids I can understand the frustration and the argument here. If they have a difficult time traveling I wouldn't take too much into it. They are up in age and I know a lot who have difficulties traveling and just going places in general.
But congratulations to your daughter
Your parents live in Florida?
I can understand both perspectives, if they can't make it I hope they do something nice to recognize the occasion when you all do meet up. If they were traveling to see your sister and their kids but not you and your kids I can understand the frustration and the argument here. If they have a difficult time traveling I wouldn't take too much into it. They are up in age and I know a lot who have difficulties traveling and just going places in general.
But congratulations to your daughter
This post was edited on 5/17/18 at 12:49 am
Posted on 5/17/18 at 12:43 am to ShermanTxTiger
Trashy because you felt you had to tell us to make you feel validated.
Congrats to your daughter. I’m well aware of the struggles that autistic kids cope with.
But... your parents are old. Settle down
Congrats to your daughter. I’m well aware of the struggles that autistic kids cope with.
But... your parents are old. Settle down
Posted on 5/17/18 at 12:45 am to ShermanTxTiger
Posted on 5/17/18 at 12:45 am to ShermanTxTiger
What's their health status? Is there a discrepancy in how they treat your sister's family.and yours? Do they make up for the lack of physical contact with your daughter in other ways? Not enough information to determine who is in the wrong.
Some 73 year olds are frail. Others are running triathlons.
Some 73 year olds are frail. Others are running triathlons.
Posted on 5/17/18 at 12:47 am to ShermanTxTiger
They're over 70. Time to cut them some slack. I think you're more upset realizing they're getting old than about the graduation.
Posted on 5/17/18 at 12:49 am to ShermanTxTiger
quote:
. My parents visit us very infrequently
Damn I would kill for that when/if I'm married and have kids.
quote:
They see my sister and their kids several times a year.
Is there a specific reason? I don't presume, but did you do something bad to them in the past?
Other than that, honestly man.. Your parents are married (mine aren't). They've raised three kids. Your daughter, who's a highly functional autistic person, is graduating. You have a lot to be thankful for. I don't think you should care if your parents want to show or not.
Posted on 5/17/18 at 12:50 am to ShermanTxTiger
quote:that's fricked up...have a little patience and understanding with old folks,they can't help it.I'm sure your daughter will understand.
basically called my mom out and said if they didn't show there would be repercussions.
Posted on 5/17/18 at 12:55 am to ShermanTxTiger
My dad gets frustrated like this with his mom. He invites her to Chicago for holidays or special occasions (she lives in Ohio), but she says she's too old (she's 90) and she has bills to pay.
A month later, he'll find out that she went to the casinos in Detroit or took a flight to California to visit friends or took a tour bus to Mount Rushmore.
Old people are going to do whatever the hell they want, even if it seems selfish. And who can blame them?
A month later, he'll find out that she went to the casinos in Detroit or took a flight to California to visit friends or took a tour bus to Mount Rushmore.
Old people are going to do whatever the hell they want, even if it seems selfish. And who can blame them?
Posted on 5/17/18 at 12:59 am to ShermanTxTiger
quote:
Said 73 mother are available on request.
Request submitted
Posted on 5/17/18 at 1:06 am to ShermanTxTiger
I’d call her back and apologize. You never know the last time you’ll speak to her and you’d hate it if the last convo ended in an argument
Posted on 5/17/18 at 1:13 am to ShermanTxTiger
Don't understand the downvotes, but regardless I am both impressed by your devotion as a parent to such a needful young adult and your striving to give her a better life.
You weren't very clear about where your sister lives. If she lives closer to your mother it makes sense and should possibly not be seen as such as you seem to feel about it.
I have no idea what it is like raising an autistic child. If there is anyway to explain to her why her grandparents can't make it where she understands the situation I would do so. Otherwise I understand fully why you would be upset.
I don't envy your situation at all, but applaud your being a fricking awesome parent.
You weren't very clear about where your sister lives. If she lives closer to your mother it makes sense and should possibly not be seen as such as you seem to feel about it.
I have no idea what it is like raising an autistic child. If there is anyway to explain to her why her grandparents can't make it where she understands the situation I would do so. Otherwise I understand fully why you would be upset.
I don't envy your situation at all, but applaud your being a fricking awesome parent.
Posted on 5/17/18 at 1:26 am to ShermanTxTiger
My grandfather turns 94 in a few months. He still has his health and makes to every big event. Your parents just didn’t like your family.
Posted on 5/17/18 at 5:02 am to ShermanTxTiger
Come on they are in their 70's you're really coming off as a Dick I'm 52 my parents are in their 80's and in bad health ( dad home Hospice) just think if ( God forbid) your mom passes this week. That this would be your last conversation that you had with her... that will haunt you forever
Posted on 5/17/18 at 5:04 am to ShermanTxTiger
Florida Board.
Posted on 5/17/18 at 5:18 am to ShermanTxTiger
I’d have sent them plane tickets to ease the trip on them, assuming they were going to drive.
But the undercurrent I feel is visits to you are more stressful and less welcoming than visits to your sister. If they don’t make the graduation, leave them out of the vacation loop.
It sounds like they just want to use you rather than visit you.
But the undercurrent I feel is visits to you are more stressful and less welcoming than visits to your sister. If they don’t make the graduation, leave them out of the vacation loop.
It sounds like they just want to use you rather than visit you.
Posted on 5/17/18 at 5:25 am to ShermanTxTiger
quote:
My parents visit us very infrequently. They see my sister and their kids several times a year.
Where do your parents live and where does your sister live? My mom visits my sister far more often than me but my mom lives in Florida, my sister lives in Alabama and I live in Washington state so it makes sense.
This post was edited on 5/17/18 at 5:27 am
Posted on 5/17/18 at 5:35 am to ShermanTxTiger
quote:
ShermanTxTiger
my daughter is high functioning Autistic as well
how close is your daughter to your parents?
is money an issue? is the trip a hardship for them financially? can you afford plane tix for them?
do they see your sister because they live close?
if your parents and your daughter are super close and they were instrumental to her upbringing, then I think you did the right thing
but I am having a hard time believing that; especially if the visits are infrequent as you say
it sounds like having your parents there is important to you moreso than your girl - that is my read based on what you put in OP
graduation will be great for your daughter and she will be bombarded with stimuli; she may not have much time to spend with your parents
most autistic kids would not get upset by having people that they do not see often miss an event; even one like graduation
based on that, I say you were too hard on the old folks
Posted on 5/17/18 at 5:36 am to ShermanTxTiger
quote:
I threw down on my mother tonight
What is wrong with you Louisiana people?
Posted on 5/17/18 at 6:30 am to ShermanTxTiger
You are crazy. Your middle daughter wouldn't make it a big deal if you didn't.
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