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Any OTers With Long Distance Shared Parenting Agreements

Posted on 10/11/16 at 11:46 am
Posted by pcolatiger28
Pensacola, Fl
Member since Apr 2009
1284 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 11:46 am
My daughter is 13 and she currently lives in Charleston. Her mother married a military guy when my daughter was five and they moved to Texas and then Charleston. He has received orders for Germany for two years. I'm just trying to gauge what is fair for visitation and travel costs. I meant to include that we were never married so it was a child out of wedlock deal. I still support my child and get her for 6-7 weeks in the summer, half of Christmas break, and all of spring break, plus any trips I want to make to see her. With the move to Germany, this will be a little more difficult. Do you think its fair that I would have to pay for half of all travel costs being that her mom is the one moving her out of the country, not me? My wife is arguing saying that I shouldn't have to pay any of the travel costs but I know how the courts work and I doubt its worth fighting this. I'm trying to avoid lawyers and red tape and work this out between the two of us. Do any of you guys have long distance parenting agreements setup? If so, how is travel handled and how much visitation do you get each year? TIA
Posted by PairofDucks
Member since Jul 2016
4992 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 11:49 am to
My ex and I split the travel costs.

I get the kids all summer, all of Christmas break, and all of Spring break. However, this was not a decision that the court made. It was what we agreed to.

ETA: I also can get them on long weekends during the school year, but I cover those travel costs.
This post was edited on 10/11/16 at 11:55 am
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
73856 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 11:54 am to
my advice to you is to do what you feel you need to do to spend the time that you'd like to with your daughter, stay out of the courts, as they will not enforce any "ruling" that may be in your favor, don't spend the money on lawyers to obtain said "rulings," spend that on doing what you need to do to see your daughter
Posted by FearTheFish
Member since Dec 2007
3777 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 11:59 am to
quote:

My wife is arguing saying that I shouldn't have to pay any of the travel costs but I know how the courts work and I doubt its worth fighting this.


If you can agree on this point, sign a consent judgment.
Posted by DieselTiger1
9 Dragon
Member since Oct 2008
13672 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:06 pm to
A friend of mine from high school would spend a year in America with his father and the next in Australia with his mother. They did this from middle school on. He eventually ended up there for good while his sister and father live over here. Seems like a terrible situation.
Posted by Jim Rockford
Member since May 2011
98501 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:12 pm to
SO lives on the Northshore, her ex lives in Dallas. Her kid goes to see his dad for a couple of weeks 3-4 times a year. Other than that, and paying child support, he's not involved. Good in that there aren't a lot of conflicts over how she's raising her son. Bad in that her ex is emotionally distant and clearly doesn't give much of a shite, and the kid picks up on that, which is obviously not an ideal situation.
Posted by CidCock
Member since Sep 2007
Member since Feb 2011
8631 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:24 pm to
No advice on this one, but I can't imagine not being able to see my daughter but on special occasions. Such a sad situation.
Posted by BayouBrawl
Junk Yard
Member since Aug 2012
1151 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:50 pm to
I can tell you that I pay 100% of the travel costs for my step son. The court actually said we had to because it was my wife that decided to move away from the marital home. As long as she stayed within 150 miles of the previous marital home, they split the cost, once she went beyond that point, she had to assume all costs.
Posted by tigerfoot
Alexandria
Member since Sep 2006
56584 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:58 pm to
You'll pay if it is worth it

They won't be there forever. So if just bear the brunt
Posted by OweO
Plaquemine, La
Member since Sep 2009
114133 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 12:59 pm to
If she comes to you for 6-7 weeks during the summer, a week during Christmas and then on Spring break, yall can't do something where her mother buys her ticket to come to you and then you buy her ticket back? If they will be in Germany for only two years, other than the times she comes to you, yall can just communicate through skype. I don't think it would be reasonable to expect you to have to take time off to go to Germany several times, etc.
Posted by JamalSanders
On a boat
Member since Jul 2015
12135 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 1:31 pm to
My folks split when I was 8 with 2 younger siblings. At first we only saw our mom per the court agreement, but as they (my parents) got older they realized what is best for the kids is what they should do. By the time I was driving they had already quit acting like children and whomever was better at parenting in each situation parent. Hell I spent the night wherever I wanted by the time I was in high school.

I say all of that to say that whatever is best for your daughter is what you need to fight tooth and nail for. The four of you (You, mom, stepmom, and stepdad) need to sit down and discuss how everything is going to work. You owe it to your kid to do what is best for her.

I do also know that unless something has changed in the last 5 years, you as the father have to sign permission allowing your child out of the country.
Posted by 7thWardTiger
Richmond, Texas
Member since Nov 2009
24670 posts
Posted on 10/11/16 at 3:32 pm to
Don't let your ex and another man take your daughter out of the country. Fight like hell for full custody, at least during the 2 year deployment.
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