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Started By
Message
Doug Stanhope is writing Yelp reviews and it's glorious
Posted on 11/21/14 at 3:29 pm
Posted on 11/21/14 at 3:29 pm
LINK
quote:
The Hart & The Hunter:
My egg and toast arrived and were just fine except for just one simple request.
"Excuse me, miss, but could I get some salt & pepper?"
I could have been Oliver Twist asking for more gruel.
The waitress looked at me stunned and mumbled "We don't... really... have... salt." she said while mimicking shaking a salt shaker as though the word 'shaker' was not in her lexicon. "But I can ask."
She walk into the coffee area and makes no move to ask anyone anything. Finally I get up and ask another waitress who also tells me they dont "really" have salt and pepper but she'd "see what I can do."
Minutes later she came out with a small plate, salt dumped on one side, pepper on the other with a look on her face of "Are you happy now?"
I wish I'd been in any physical condition to take them up on their $10 Bottomless Mimosas because I could have had them re-mortgaging their homes before the end of the business day.
quote:
Aloft Portland Airport at Cascade Station:
Quick note - whoever Yi Z is that wrote review of this place that began with "Benji gives Aloft 4 paws up (equivalent to 5 stars because he only has 4 paws). Benji's mommy agrees with his rating." Shes written 1700-some reviews and I can only imagine the poor prick who went home with her drunk and woke up to that horror.
You should be able to Yelp individuals.
quote:
McDonalds:
You won't sell me a single breakfast burrito?
"We only sell them in pairs."
What are you, fricking Noah?
You are that fricking desperate or cruel that you make people in a hurry, forced to eat horrible shite in a sprint to make a connection, buy two of shite if they want to eat shite?
Posted on 11/21/14 at 3:36 pm to lsuwontonwrap
Are those the best ones? Not really funny...
Posted on 11/21/14 at 3:38 pm to lsuwontonwrap
Sad that this is what he has to do to try and stay relevant.
Posted on 11/21/14 at 3:39 pm to lsuwontonwrap
quote:
Having read Emily R's one-star review of Mornings Cafe, I couldn't wait to eat there. It's hard to find veggie burgers "dripping in meat juice" the way she described and that's exactly how I like mine.
Unfortunately, when I ordered it, I was told that they do not nor have they ever carried meat juice as a topping.
Worse yet, they told me so with a smile. Seems I couldn't even get the "attitude" Emily griped about. I love a bad attitude in the morning. It gives me a reason to be cranky in return.
So there I sat with no meat juice from a pleasant server. Turns out that Emily R is a giant fat pig-faced liar. Who reviews the reviewers, says I!!! I drove nearly three blocks based on her lies!
Fortunately I always carry an old thermos of curdled meat-squeezings in my tool kit in the company truck and was able to secret a small helping into the restaurant to smear on the veggie patty under the table.
Delicioso!
So far as alleged (and expected) poor demeanor of the staff, I had to do a little creative maneuvering. As I paid my bill, I asked the server if she'd like to come back to my place and watch ISIS beheading videos on my iPhone. It didn't quite garner the "attitude" I was promised but the stunned look of bewilderment still kept Mornings Cafe in 5-Star territory.
Bravo!
Posted on 11/21/14 at 3:40 pm to Green Chili Tiger
I have no idea who Doug Stanhope is, so he's obviously failing at staying relevant. I would love to be able to Yelp people though.
Posted on 11/21/14 at 3:43 pm to lsuwontonwrap
meh..
I felt they never really did utilize him and Rogan on The Man Show, damn shame, they could've been gold..
I felt they never really did utilize him and Rogan on The Man Show, damn shame, they could've been gold..
Posted on 11/21/14 at 3:58 pm to lsuwontonwrap
He isn't that funny but he thinks he is awesome.
Posted on 11/21/14 at 4:00 pm to lsuwontonwrap
This thread isn't your best work, baw!
Posted on 11/21/14 at 4:11 pm to guedeaux
quote:Sorry its not the funniest thing you've ever read
Are those the best ones? Not really funny...
Posted on 11/21/14 at 4:19 pm to CoCo311
Not that this matters to you, believe me I get it, but if you had seen him live and followed him you would find this stuff funny. It sounds lame to say it (I know) but his humor is different. I was at a live show when he started in on Downs kids and it was one of the funniest bits I have ever heard. And that shite is in no way, shape or form funny.
Posted on 11/21/14 at 4:22 pm to jbgleason
I've seen Doug live twice and his stand up is really funny. He doesn't give a frick what people think. He had people in the audience yelling "frick you" at some election joke he made and he just rolled with it.
Posted on 11/21/14 at 4:23 pm to J Murdah
quote:
Sorry its not the funniest thing you've ever read
Apology accepted. Thank you.
Posted on 11/21/14 at 4:25 pm to lsuwontonwrap
Poor guy. There was a time he would get paid to mildly amuse people. Now he's just giving away mild amusement for free.
Posted on 11/21/14 at 4:28 pm to lsuwontonwrap
I didn't know he was still around. What's up with the OT and washed up quasi celebrities the past couple of days. Doug hasn't been relevant in what fifteen years?
Posted on 11/21/14 at 4:31 pm to lsucoonass
And if him and rogan were used right on the man show he would be a lot bigger than he is now.
Posted on 11/21/14 at 4:32 pm to lsucoonass
I saw him a couple of years ago in Austin. I like his angry, DGAF humor. But I also enjoy Bill Hicks and other angry comedians.
Posted on 11/21/14 at 4:34 pm to lsuwontonwrap
I guess you're using the word glorious quite liberally because those are fricking stupid.
Posted on 11/21/14 at 4:34 pm to lsucoonass
He's definitely still around and active on the stand up tours. It's just that stand up isn't popular right now. I really hope it makes a comeback. I always enjoy a night out at those clubs.
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