CSB: Weird movie theater experience

I went see XMen yesterday with some friends and had the most bizarre experience.

Just before the show starts three very unkept, short, smelly, and obnoxious fat women sit down. A mother and two daughters. As they sat, their putrid aroma hit me and my buddy like a brick wall. At first I thought they had some stale nachos or something, but further inspection revealed they were empty handed aside from the extra large sodas. Gross.

A few minutes after sitting down, the one directly in front of me begins to squirm and sway slightly from side to side (this would continue through out the entire film) and she begins reaching up and behind her chair. I'm sitting ankle-to-knee crossed legged and her stubby little hands found my shoe. I recoiled a bit, but tried to remain calm, assuming she would realize her mistake and quit. Instead, she begins caressing and feeling my shoe. My response was to smack her on the back of the head with the shoe she was touching. She turned around, looking somewhat confused, and I whisper/shouted "WTF are you doing?!"....instead of apologizing or answering at all, she slowly turned back around and commenced to squirming and swaying...not unlike a slow, fat, jiggly version of the inflatable whacky-wavy men at car dealerships. What. The. frick. ...


A little bit later, she raised her arms again to feel around behind her head and the most pungent, strong, and sour smell of B.O. wafted into my face. It was so bad I could taste it. Apparently my buddy could too because he kicked her chair and insisted that she "put em down!"....mercifully she complied.

The other two were swaying and squirming as well, and cuddling with one another. They must have gotten up a half a dozen times during the film. The mother was so fat that she had to position herself perpendicular to the hand rail so that she could hold onto it with both hands as she negotiated each step one at a time.

In addition to the bad smells, the squirming, and the intimate caressing of strangers shoes, they whispered loudly and played on their bright arse iphones through the whole film. It was a bad theater patron hat trick. Never seen anything like it.

At one point I almost felt bad because I figured the two daughters were retarded. They weren't. Just fat, smelly, and incredibly bizarre.

Can the OT top that? Let's hear it.