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re: Married folks: bank accounts and bill paying question
Posted on 11/11/13 at 10:32 am to King of New Orleans
Posted on 11/11/13 at 10:32 am to King of New Orleans
quote:
According to a 2009 study by Jeffrey Dew at the Utah State University, one of the best indicators of marital discord is what he terms "financial disagreements." Couples who "disagree about finances once a week" are over 30 percent more likely to get divorced than couples that report "disagreeing about finances a few times a month." Disagreeing about finance means fighting about money.
According to Dew, couples who disagree about money less than once per month run a 30 to 40 percent increase in the risk of divorce. This rate increases steeply when the partners fight several times per month, once a week, several times a week, to almost daily, when the risk increases to 125 percent to 160 percent.
If you two don't trust each other enough to share a bank account...don't bother buying a ring. I know it can work with joint accounts, but the few friends I have that do this are constantly arguing about who gets to pays for what. No need to make yourself miserable over something so silly. In the end if you die or divorce, she gets it...
Like others have suggested get a CC with good rewards and put everything on it, but make sure to pay it off monthly. $1000-$1500 in rewards per year can help with nice vacations.
Posted on 11/11/13 at 10:37 am to King of New Orleans
I've done it all.
First marriage started with a joint checking account. She wanted to do the bill paying. OK with me. The first few years were OK then she started getting into some severe spending problems. She went clothes shopping every day. Hid the stuff in the trunk till I was out of the house. Kept the closet from becoming overly full by gathering up last month's shopping, bagging it and taking it out to the garbage.
When I found out I demanded separate checking and splitting the mutual bills. But personal purchases were handled separately. I immediately accumulated 10K worth of savings while she was living week to week.
We got divorced after 17 years. Money was not the issue for the divorce. But I became very skeptical of women and money when I entered 2nd (and current) marriage. My 2nd wife made good money but was in heavy debt. When she proposed I said "OK, but we're having separate accounts." She: "Fine, I'm not good with money...you manage it."
After 2 years I was amazed at how thrifty she had become. She completely paid off all her debts and started accumulating some savings. I was convinced she had changed. We switched to joint checking, joint savings. We've been married 18 years and she's been terrific. Once in a while I'll get a high Visa bill and say "Honey, you need to calm down."
She'll say "OK" and cut back on the charges.
My advise: Keep things separate at first until you get a handle of your wife's money issues. After awhile if you're convinced she's on the same page as you then combine accounts.
First marriage started with a joint checking account. She wanted to do the bill paying. OK with me. The first few years were OK then she started getting into some severe spending problems. She went clothes shopping every day. Hid the stuff in the trunk till I was out of the house. Kept the closet from becoming overly full by gathering up last month's shopping, bagging it and taking it out to the garbage.
When I found out I demanded separate checking and splitting the mutual bills. But personal purchases were handled separately. I immediately accumulated 10K worth of savings while she was living week to week.
We got divorced after 17 years. Money was not the issue for the divorce. But I became very skeptical of women and money when I entered 2nd (and current) marriage. My 2nd wife made good money but was in heavy debt. When she proposed I said "OK, but we're having separate accounts." She: "Fine, I'm not good with money...you manage it."
After 2 years I was amazed at how thrifty she had become. She completely paid off all her debts and started accumulating some savings. I was convinced she had changed. We switched to joint checking, joint savings. We've been married 18 years and she's been terrific. Once in a while I'll get a high Visa bill and say "Honey, you need to calm down."
She'll say "OK" and cut back on the charges.
My advise: Keep things separate at first until you get a handle of your wife's money issues. After awhile if you're convinced she's on the same page as you then combine accounts.
Posted on 11/11/13 at 10:44 am to Zach
quote:
Don't marry until you get a handle of your wife's money issues. After awhile if you're convinced she's on the same page as you then buy her a ring.
FIFY
I don't understand how anyone would marry another person without having confidence in them being able to handle the finances. Do you just have the ceremony and hope for the best when the bills come in?
This post was edited on 11/11/13 at 10:45 am
Posted on 11/11/13 at 10:47 am to King of New Orleans
Gonna be different answers for many different reasons. Whatever is done is make sure it's decided before getting married. It was easy in our case. I pay the bills and keep track of everything. Been married 15 years and works great. She's the type that will call me and ask if ok to buy a hundred dollar pair of shoes so no problem with her overspending etc.
I wouldn't have it any other way and it may have been a problem if initially she wanted to be in charge of the checkbook. I know friends who want nothing to do with it and the wife does it and it works great.
Never understood the whole different accounts stuff, makes no sense to me if you are married but to each their own.
I wouldn't have it any other way and it may have been a problem if initially she wanted to be in charge of the checkbook. I know friends who want nothing to do with it and the wife does it and it works great.
Never understood the whole different accounts stuff, makes no sense to me if you are married but to each their own.
Posted on 11/11/13 at 10:53 am to StinkBait72
quote:
I don't understand how anyone would marry another person without having confidence in them being able to handle the finances. Do you just have the ceremony and hope for the best when the bills come in?
Stink, I think this is a generational issue. In my day we didn't live together for 5 years playing house to learn about money habits. I had no idea what my first wife's money habits were when we were dating and engaged.
I didn't know other stuff; like that she would take over 90% of the bath room with her beauty products. But once burnt, lesson learnt.
I not only demanded control over money decisions going into the second marriage to make sure I didn't get screwed over again; but I also designed our house with His/Her bathrooms. Not two vanities in one BR... two completely separate bathrooms. It's great. I highly recommend it.
This post was edited on 11/11/13 at 10:55 am
Posted on 11/11/13 at 1:07 pm to RedStickBR
quote:
What do you want, a merger, a joint venture, or an equity stake? And is she to be held-to-maturity or held-for-trading? Available for sale?
9.5/10.
To everyone else freaking out about separate accounts:
You can have joint money without joint accounts. It just makes it easier to not have overdrafts. There is no need to split the tab, because it is shared money.
Figure out a bill sharing system that works and run with it. The best I have heard is my friend and his wife rash automatically contribute to their account that pays monthly bills. Each keeps a few thousand in checking, and the one with more cash pays anything they need to from their. That does not mean that if one were to be running low, they would tell one another to go pound sand.
Posted on 11/11/13 at 3:46 pm to TheHiddenFlask
Good to see you around here
Posted on 11/11/13 at 4:26 pm to dragginass
quote:
Joint. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine. Seriously. We share common financial goals so I can't imagine it any other way. Anything less than $100 purchase we don't need to discuss. Any more and we'll talk about it first. Before you ask, I make twice what she does and it doesn't matter.
This is exactly what the wife and I do.
Posted on 11/11/13 at 6:19 pm to aaronb023
Separate accounts. I pay mortgage. She pays bills. Easy
Posted on 11/11/13 at 6:24 pm to King of New Orleans
we each have our own account and a joint one
Pretty much the only thing that comes out of joint account is the mortgage payment
She buys groceries and I pay almost all the other bills
We each contribute one paycheck every other month to the joint account (it works out to almost exactly our mortgage payment) and the rest of our money we do with as we please
Pretty much the only thing that comes out of joint account is the mortgage payment
She buys groceries and I pay almost all the other bills
We each contribute one paycheck every other month to the joint account (it works out to almost exactly our mortgage payment) and the rest of our money we do with as we please
Posted on 11/11/13 at 6:49 pm to StinkBait72
quote:keeping separate bank accounts is not the same thing as fighting about money
If you two don't trust each other enough to share a bank account...don't bother buying a ring.
I can think of one disagreement my wife and I have had about money in the last month.. and it was just because I picked up the tab for dinner when we went out with one of her friends.
she has a job of her own and she likes the feeling of holding on to some of that money to do with as she pleases (and that usually entails just throwing it into her own savings account ) and I'm fine with that.
Posted on 11/11/13 at 8:40 pm to King of New Orleans
We split everything and it works great. We also make the same.
We rotate months on house payments.
She does the grocery shopping so she pays it
I pay utilities and majority of credit cards
Pay our own vehicle notes
Rotate kid expenses such as medical, daycare, etc.
She pays more most of the time but I put more in savings. Works out well when Christmas rolls around or vacation and we can jut pull 1k out of my savings to cover it.
We rotate months on house payments.
She does the grocery shopping so she pays it
I pay utilities and majority of credit cards
Pay our own vehicle notes
Rotate kid expenses such as medical, daycare, etc.
She pays more most of the time but I put more in savings. Works out well when Christmas rolls around or vacation and we can jut pull 1k out of my savings to cover it.
Posted on 11/11/13 at 8:58 pm to King of New Orleans
We joined accounts as soon as we were engaged. I manage all the $ and she likes it that way. She also doesn't buy much, it's nice.
We never have to have a "you or I spend too much talk." She used to have debt while we dated but she loves not having any debt now.
We never have to have a "you or I spend too much talk." She used to have debt while we dated but she loves not having any debt now.
Posted on 11/12/13 at 12:31 am to Chris4x4gill2
quote:
Joint account for everything. We both write checks.
Huh?
Posted on 11/12/13 at 12:32 am to wegotdatwood
Not married, but I really hope I marry a woman I am comfortable enough having a joint account with. Not knocking those who do it separately, but like someone said I feel like joint would facilitate more communication, JMO.
And I intend to have a shitload more money than her so this aint exactly to my benefit haha.
And I intend to have a shitload more money than her so this aint exactly to my benefit haha.
Posted on 11/12/13 at 1:25 am to FootballNostradamus
quote:
a shitload more money than her
I think this is the part some people aren't understanding. You won't have more money THAN HER. YOUR money will be HERS.
So, yes, that is why it's important to absolutely and completely trust your potential wife/husband with "your" money.
Posted on 11/12/13 at 2:34 am to BelleTigre11
quote:
I think this is the part some people aren't understanding. You won't have more money THAN HER. YOUR money will be HERS.
So, yes, that is why it's important to absolutely and completely trust your potential wife/husband with "your" money.
O I completely agree. I just have some friends who were talking about not doing it because of their finances vs hers.
I was saying that even though I know I have a lot more money than my current gf, if/when we get married I'd still want to do joint for the reasons you mentioned.
I don't want to feel like she's stealing my money and I'd hate for her to feel like she's not carrying her own weight.
Posted on 11/12/13 at 9:58 am to King of New Orleans
Married 9 yrs and have always been joint. I know some couples who have separate and it works for them. Ya'll will have to figure out what works for yall
Posted on 11/12/13 at 10:02 am to FootballNostradamus
is it true that money can be gifted to a couple in addition to individually?
her:13K/yr
me:13K/yr
us:13K/yr
if I'm wrong, stop me now, but would having a joint account prevent you from receiving the maximum possible? because technically i would be getting half of her gift as well?
I'm getting married next year and just trying to get a handle on this.
her:13K/yr
me:13K/yr
us:13K/yr
if I'm wrong, stop me now, but would having a joint account prevent you from receiving the maximum possible? because technically i would be getting half of her gift as well?
I'm getting married next year and just trying to get a handle on this.
Posted on 11/12/13 at 1:24 pm to King of New Orleans
quote:
Separate?
seperate for us.
married for 18 years and it has worked fine for us
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