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Parenting advice seems to assume all kids are the same.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:38 pm
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:38 pm
I was having this thought today. Anyone with kids who reads/listens to stuff about parenting, so much of it seems to assume kids all act the same.
Especially the “tough love” advice, like every 5yr old is going to have the same reaction to not getting their way. Like adults, some kids are just easier/more difficult to deal with. I used to judge parents who give in to their children too much (and I still do in some cases).
However it’s also true that just because your kid will sit quiet and behave in public with nothing other than a threat from you, that doesn’t mean you have parenting figured out.
The parents of the kid who’s running around like a psycho while they beg him to stop may be incredible parents, but that kid is just not as compliant as yours to no fault of the parents.
Obviously parents have a big impact on behavior of children, but their personalities also play a huge role. I’m pretty hard on my kids and they still act like complete assholes in public sometimes.
TLDR: I’m done judging parents for misbehaving kids.
Especially the “tough love” advice, like every 5yr old is going to have the same reaction to not getting their way. Like adults, some kids are just easier/more difficult to deal with. I used to judge parents who give in to their children too much (and I still do in some cases).
However it’s also true that just because your kid will sit quiet and behave in public with nothing other than a threat from you, that doesn’t mean you have parenting figured out.
The parents of the kid who’s running around like a psycho while they beg him to stop may be incredible parents, but that kid is just not as compliant as yours to no fault of the parents.
Obviously parents have a big impact on behavior of children, but their personalities also play a huge role. I’m pretty hard on my kids and they still act like complete assholes in public sometimes.
TLDR: I’m done judging parents for misbehaving kids.
24
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:40 pm to Tiger1242
quote:
I’m done judging parents for misbehaving kids.
You never know what a kid is going through at the particular moment you see them. I only judge parents based on kids that are consistently bad
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:42 pm to Tiger1242
There are parents out there who didn’t do a damn thing and the child was simply good and well behaved, and there are parents who did everything they could correctly and with patience and the child just was not well behaved or defiant. Genes are randomly locked in before birth, nothing you can do about it after a certain point. Obviously there’s plenty of times the parent screws up the child too.
Parenting is hard as frick to get right sometimes
Parenting is hard as frick to get right sometimes
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:43 pm to LNCHBOX
quote:
You never know what a kid is going through at the particular moment you see them. I only judge parents based on kids that are consistently bad
This is a good way to be, when a kid is always poorly behaved and parents are always begging them or offering rewards for stopping the behavior, then I still judge
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:48 pm to olddawg26
quote:
there are parents who did everything they could correctly and with patience and the child just was not well behaved or defiant.
I think there was a Norm MacDonald quip along the lines of "my parents were just fine, I was just a shite head."
Case in point: My two sons are well-behaved and are polite to everyone, meanwhile my daughter constantly feels that she is the victim in every situation. I feel like the $100k+ we have spent for counseling for her has only exacerbated the situation.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:48 pm to Tiger1242
I’m a fairly shitty parent (imo) and my kid is well behaved, polite, and kind. There’s some luck to the game.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:50 pm to Tiger1242
You're right.. my son and daughter are night and day.
I thought raising my daughter gave me skills and I knew what I was doing (she's 9yrs older)... then my son came along and I learned some humility.
I thought raising my daughter gave me skills and I knew what I was doing (she's 9yrs older)... then my son came along and I learned some humility.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:52 pm to Tiger1242
quote:I agree, young kids can switch behaviors at the drop of a dime. You never know what’s going on at home. Kid could be getting molars, or dad left to get milk and never came home, etc.
TLDR: I’m done judging parents for misbehaving kids.
I do judge parents on if the kids are unkept. If your kid is walking around with dried up snot all over its face that’s obvious to anyone in a 20ft radius, I’m judging you.
A good parenting gauge is looking to see how clean or disgusting the car seats are in the back seat.
I’ve seen some smoke show milfs that don’t give a shite about the rotten freedom fries and dried pee embedded into their child’s car seat smelling like a homeless’ sleeping bag
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:53 pm to SuperSaint
Unkempt.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:54 pm to SuperSaint
quote:
I do judge parents on if the kids are unkept. If your kid is walking around with dried up snot all over its face that’s obvious to anyone in a 20ft radius, I’m judging you.
I actually judge parents more for chasing their kids around and obsessing over them. IMO most 3yr olds at parks could benefit from a little more neglect from their parents
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:54 pm to SallysHuman
quote:I thought both my boys were normal. Then had my daughter and learned what a normal child supposed to be like. Now I’m 99% sure both of my boys are diagnosable retarded.
my son and daughter are night and day.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:55 pm to SuperSaint
Very true.
Soap and water are cheap (baby wipes for on the go). You are just lazy if your kids are not clean.
Soap and water are cheap (baby wipes for on the go). You are just lazy if your kids are not clean.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:56 pm to N2cars
quote:
Unkempt.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:57 pm to Tiger1242
quote:
Anyone with kids who reads/listens to stuff about parenting, so much of it seems to assume kids all act the same.
quote:
like every 5yr old is going to have the same reaction to not getting their way. Like adults, some kids are just easier/more difficult to deal with. I used to judge parents who give in to their children too much (and I still do in some cases).
Take it a step further. This isn’t just about parenting.
Most people are too simple minded to understand nuance or make inferences. They operate on algorithms and assumptions based on groupthink or other forms of reinforcement. It’s why I hate the upvote/downvote system on most forums (not this one of course!).
But take Reddit for example and we can use the parenting topic for thread consistency. If you post that your kid is gifted and having (insert any problem with the nuance of your kid’s character and personality), you will see the highest voted pieces of advice will be about praising your kid’s work ethic and not telling them they’re smart. Is it good advice? Sure. Does it work for this kid, with this problem, with his/her background?
Post that a toddler is struggling with transitions. Replies will be “let your toddler choose the time frame for leaving the playground/tv show/activity. ‘do you want three minutes or five minutes before we leave?’” As if every toddler will respond consistently.
This applies for every topic, every person, every situation. People struggle to function outside of their expectations and what has been labeled as the “best” response to questions/scenarios usually triggered by keywords. “Gifted,” “toddler,” “transitions” - they all cue the algorithmic responses.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:57 pm to olddawg26
quote:
Parenting is hard as frick to get right sometimes
It's even more of a pain in the arse when I try to teach them correctly at my house, then they go over to the fetus donor's house for a weekend.
She's the CTRL ALT DELETE of parenting.
Every time they come back, it's a complete reset.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:57 pm to Tiger1242
Sounds like you can’t control your kids and are making excuses instead of whipping that arse
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:57 pm to madamsquirrel
quote:
Soap and water are cheap (baby wipes for on the go). You are just lazy if your kids are not clean.
...or if all else fails, just lick your thumb.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 12:58 pm to Tiger1242
Yeah, and that's true even for generally good advice. I still value it, I just recognize it may not be applicable in the same way for everyone.
I have a son who we've let watch TV since early on, and we watch it with him, don't really limit his screen time, etc. - all terrible, destructive stuff.
But ultimately he'd rather be outside, playing ball with me or with his buddies. We applied the "rules" in moderation - he doesn't just get parked in front of the TV, we don't let him watch those shows where kids just play with toys and speak 1000 miles an hour, rarely gets to use an iPad, never on a screen in a public place (restaurant, etc.) - but he probably objectively watches too much Bluey and Curious George or whatever.
Seems to be working fine. I think you take the concept and see how it works for your family and adjust accordingly.
I have a son who we've let watch TV since early on, and we watch it with him, don't really limit his screen time, etc. - all terrible, destructive stuff.
But ultimately he'd rather be outside, playing ball with me or with his buddies. We applied the "rules" in moderation - he doesn't just get parked in front of the TV, we don't let him watch those shows where kids just play with toys and speak 1000 miles an hour, rarely gets to use an iPad, never on a screen in a public place (restaurant, etc.) - but he probably objectively watches too much Bluey and Curious George or whatever.
Seems to be working fine. I think you take the concept and see how it works for your family and adjust accordingly.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 1:01 pm to SuperSaint
I think discerning parents can tell (sometimes at least) what is a mostly-uncontrollable development thing that is likely a blip and not necessarily reflective of the kid's standard conduct, and what is the product of sustained poor parenting.
Posted on 7/17/25 at 1:03 pm to Shexter
quote:
then they go over to the fetus donor's house for a weekend. She's the CTRL ALT DELETE of parenting.
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