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Posted on 2/19/24 at 8:51 pm to Robin Masters
quote:
however, your sons life will forever be damaged.
And I say this as someone who's parents split before I can remember them being together.
Not unless Biederman and the ex make it that way. Ask a kid of Navy parents. Your dad disappears for 6-9 months at a time, and you get an audio cassette once a month from 'em? (80s). Now, do you need to address how that may create attachment issues? Yeah, but it's leagues different than "forever damaged." Biederman is not the only actor here, and nothing is unrecoverable. And nobody is forever farked up. It is very dangerous to tell a man that has watched what he though was his life disappear things like this, when it's fresh.
Parents decide if it impacts kids or not, regardless of the circumstance.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 9:11 pm to lsu777
quote:
you get over her by getting under hotter randoms for the next year. I agree with nothing serious for a year but frick not dating at all
777, one of the central topics of my argument is that the tendency is for recently divorced men to over-value whatever woman lets them use the sausage on 'em. I'm not saying don't bang anything that moves, but be careful about your expectations about what he thinks he is getting out of them emotionally. Dating is different than screwing, but he's not going to be able to recognize the difference for a while, because he's not going to be OK for a while.
I didn't realize what I was doing post divorce until I listened to a John Deloney podcast, and I was essentially trying to view everyone as my next potential wife, in how I acted. Totally inappropriate. Oh, I've found a woman without a gag reflex that likes books, surely she's the one!
But to your last point, I agree, OP has to not isolate. I moved where I did to keep that from happening, forcing myself out, even though I didn't know how low my ex was going to go (and it wasn't catastrophic, just very inconsiderate.) Festivals, find a bartender you like for day drinking, etc.
PSA: A Vasectomy is under $2k out of pocket on my high deductible plan, and the only thing you need less than one baby mama is more than one baby mama.
Posted on 2/19/24 at 9:21 pm to Napoleon
Posted on 2/20/24 at 12:59 am to Nelson Biederman IV
This post was edited on 4/5/24 at 2:54 pm
Posted on 2/20/24 at 1:09 am to Grigio
quote:
you should get a paternity test
No. You're thinking about financial only. You'll have a son, or you're feeding hate for the rest of your ex wife's life about him. If he's your son, he's your son. Financial shite is different. If OP has to do it, *he* must never let the boy know about it. It's not the boy's issue.
And 30-40s divorced poon is way better than 20 year olds.
Posted on 2/20/24 at 3:07 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Don't fall into the trap of thinking you have to be in a hurry to replace your ex. You'll end up forcing the issue and settling for the first female that gives you any attention. That's the last thing you need.
Settle into your new singleness, hit your stride and live a life that makes you comfortable and happiest. That version of you will be more likely to find an appropriate partner.
Nothing wrong with being single again....You'll see.
Good luck with the divorce proceedings...may they be civil and fair. Always do right by your kid, too.
Settle into your new singleness, hit your stride and live a life that makes you comfortable and happiest. That version of you will be more likely to find an appropriate partner.
Nothing wrong with being single again....You'll see.
Good luck with the divorce proceedings...may they be civil and fair. Always do right by your kid, too.
Posted on 2/20/24 at 3:22 am to Nelson Biederman IV
quote:
It’s a long story and way too many details but we’re now getting divorced
What happened? Why yall getting divorced
Posted on 2/20/24 at 5:38 am to Nelson Biederman IV
Neither you nor your wife gave enough thought to raising a child in a single parent household
Posted on 2/20/24 at 6:33 am to geauxbrown
Go to asia …. frick rinse repeat
Posted on 2/20/24 at 6:51 am to DAWG0829
quote:Temporary solution to a permanent problem.
Go to asia …. frick rinse repeat
As many who’ve been through the OP’s experience know, you have to get yourself squared away before moving forward into potentially making a new permanent relationship.
The timeline for individuals to accomplish this varies by individual, but it’s certainly at least months if not years.
Good luck, sorry for the shitty life turn. I’d second the DNA test.
Posted on 2/20/24 at 7:03 am to Nelson Biederman IV
My neighbor was in the same boat, just tweak the ages. He’s in his mid 40s and his son is 7. Big hunter, but found himself depressed outside of hunting season.
You know what saved / helped him and his son? The Houston Astro’s. Seriously. The son really enjoyed baseball and it’s something they got entrenched in and really started following. They’d watch damn near all the games together, take trips to Houston, and other road games together…they really started watching all the games. He’d often invite us over, grill burgers and dogs, have some Coronas, have the games on the patio…I really didn’t care about the game, but who doesn’t like baseball?
He really hasn’t dated (or appeared to even have tried). Between the Stros, LSU football and hunting season, he and his son appear to be living on cloud 9.
You know what saved / helped him and his son? The Houston Astro’s
. Seriously. The son really enjoyed baseball and it’s something they got entrenched in and really started following. They’d watch damn near all the games together, take trips to Houston, and other road games together…they really started watching all the games. He’d often invite us over, grill burgers and dogs, have some Coronas, have the games on the patio…I really didn’t care about the game, but who doesn’t like baseball? He really hasn’t dated (or appeared to even have tried). Between the Stros, LSU football and hunting season, he and his son appear to be living on cloud 9.
This post was edited on 2/20/24 at 7:07 am
Posted on 2/20/24 at 7:11 am to Nelson Biederman IV
I was in your shoes 12 years ago. Basically same situation except I had a 5 year old. The first month I felt like you. I was suddenly "homeless". I pretty much let her have everything and walked away with my truck, clothes and furniture from the guest room. After about a month of feeling sorry for myself, I started working to get shite back on track. I bought a house within 4 months. I focused on my child. I started dating a few months later. I did my best to get along with my ex. For the most part we got along very well. I spent way more time with my family. Fast forward 12 years.... I'm getting married in 6 weeks. Things have never been better. My advice is put your son first. Spend as much time as possible with him. Get along with your ex. Everthing else will work out.
Posted on 2/20/24 at 7:20 am to terriblegreen
Nelson said something along the lines of it being “dangerous.” I’m not sure if he meant her, him, or the two of them together. Reading that makes me believe that it’ll be hard to get along with the ex.
Posted on 2/20/24 at 7:22 am to DAWG0829
quote:
Go to asia …. frick rinse repeat
Yea, go spend a bunch of money for temporary gratification. Imagine the plane ride home to reality…just $5k+ more in the hole. Talk about a sobering moment.
Posted on 2/20/24 at 7:24 am to LemmyLives
quote:this. divorce taught me my ex wife's dry vagina wasn't the norm
And 30-40s divorced poon is way better than 20 year olds
Posted on 2/20/24 at 8:43 am to back9Tiger
quote:That's just not true. Sure, you put your child first, but it's not all that really matters. Your life has value and you deserve happiness for yourself and to take some time for yourself.
Luckily my 16 year old is doing very well. That's all that really matters.
Posted on 2/20/24 at 9:19 am to terriblegreen
quote:
My advice is put your son first. Spend as much time as possible with him. Get along with your ex. Everthing else will work out.
This. Women will come and go post divorce. You find the right one, latch on. But if not just live your life. No drama needed. Who cares what the ex does as long as she continues to be a good mama
Posted on 2/20/24 at 8:37 pm to WizardSleeve
The idea of getting your finances in order seems great. Like OP, I’m staring down the barrel of being 37, single, and a newborn. Baby girl just arrived yesterday and I am awaiting paternity results. If she’s mine, I’ve gone from joint income to single AND paying child support. I’m a teacher, so I feel like I’ve kissed any summer travels good bye.
Posted on 2/20/24 at 8:39 pm to Nelson Biederman IV
How are you at jerking off? It will greatly impact how enjoyable your life from now until death will be
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