re: TulaneLSU's review of Chuck E. Cheese Pizza

A short employee was dressed as Chuck E Cheese, a role, the OT’s favorite LSU rapper once played. Even he tried to sell me a season pass. I tried to explain to him how it was not a good investment, and that I believe that investing in Dillard’s stock would pay much greater dividends in the long run.

He began to walk away when I asked him, “Chuck E, where are the animatronics?” He kept walking.

Sadly, the stages where figures once entertained, telling jokes and stories and playing fun children’s music are no more. A sign of the times, huge television sets have taken the place of the stage, just as we have seen screens replacing the beauty within Christian sanctuaries. People across all moral stages have become ensnared by the television screen.



As I mapped out the field of games, like I mapped out Dillard’s the night before the New Year’s sale, I saw only a few holdovers from my childhood. Having become familiar with the layout, my buzzer went off, alerting me that my pizza was ready. I picked it up from Pasqually’s Pizzeria and found a seat as far away from people as possible.





The pizza was solid for a conveyor belt pizza. The sauce was not particularly good, but the cheese and dough were above average chain quality. I would put it firmly in the mid-5s.



The cheese bread was okay. I thought it better than today’s Little Caesar’s crazy bread, but not as good as the crazy bread in the 90s when the quality was a little higher. After finishing the food, I was disappointed I did not get a salad from the endless salad bar. I almost added a salad to the ticket, but instead decided I needed to get on with the games.

The next hour was a blur. The new system of card-computer based play, which replaced the coin and award ticket system, required acclimation. After a few minutes, I was nearly unrestrained. I jumped straight to the skee-ball where I scored a high score on my first attempt. The clock was ticking, and in the next hour, I feverishly played every game there, some more than once. Now, I can share with you TulaneLSU’s Top 10 Chuck E Cheese games:

10. Dance floor



The party section of CEC’s hosts several long rows of tables, the televisions, and a digital and interactive dance floor. This game does not require you pay, but you are able to stomp on fish and make them disappear. I spent about five minutes on it, and by the end of that five minutes, my dance moves attracted about ten kids to join in the dancing.

9. Power Roll



Many of the games in Chuck E Cheese teach the aurea mediacritas, a lesson many in today’s polarized world are in desperate need of learning. If you push too hard or too fast, you will fail. If you do not push enough, you will also fail. I did not win a jackpot at Power Roll, but after my time expired, I explained to several children playing this game the importance of the golden mean, in all aspects of life, except virtue. In virtue, there is no sin in taking it to the extreme.

8. Whack N Win



WNW shares with Power Roll a similar philosophy. A game of skill, one must not try to be too strong or too soft.

7. Gum Drop



This game requires no skill, but its colors and lights reminded me of Christmas decorations, so I played it a few times.

6. Eiffel Tower



Another pretty game, I did win a jackpot here. It was more a game of luck I think, as I won the jackpot on my first try.

5. Photo Booth



It is not a game, but what a fun idea it was to capture the moment. I took three photos of myself to bring to Mother. She was quite excited and framed one of them!

4. Ice Man



This action packed game requires that you squeeze a trigger, causing chilled water to shoot out and hit a target on a screen. Be warned – there is some spray back. Nonetheless, it was a hoot! And I won some tickets.

3. Big Bass Wheel



Reminiscent of the spinning wheel for the showcase on The Price Is Right, I spun just once and won a jackpot of 75 tickets. I did not want to chance my perfect record, so I moved along.

2. NBA Hoops



My first attempt at this game did not produce a high score. Part of the reason, I realized, was that the basketballs were getting caught under the net, bouncing for precious seconds, leaving me left waiting for the balls to return. My solution was to collect balls from the other court and flood my court with as many balls as was possible. At one point I had ten balls at my disposal. Now, with the scales evened, I hit a remarkable 29/32 and smashed the daily record by 40 points. I am not even sure if you are awarded tickets in this game, but I had a great time playing.

1. Alley Roller



Skee-ball must be copyrighted. Alley Roller was a blast, even if the balls are hard plastic rather than wooden, as I remember in the olden days. The plastic is more difficult to control and robs the player of the tactile sensation of wood in his hands. The plastic also does not make nearly as pleasing a noise as does the clanking wood. Nonetheless, this was always my favorite at CEC’s and it was my favorite even today. I may have to have Grandfather fashion some wooden balls for me so I can use them next time I visit.

When the hour was complete, I was a sweating mess, having maximized every possible second, knowing the clock was my enemy. I amassed 1262 tickets on my computer card, which you would expect would get me something valuable or collectible. Much to my disappointment, the redemption wall had worthless junk. I still scored a bunch of candy, a stretch hand, and some vampire teeth.



Would I go back for the pizza? Probably not. Would I go back for the games? Maybe only once every decade. Nonetheless, I had a fun time reliving some of my glory days.

Yours,
TulaneLSU