re: Why aren’t anti abortion adopting children

To be honest, alcohol and meth are the worst.
We adopted our daughter who had withdrawals for days after birth. We didn't see her till a week after her birth and didn't go through it with her. Not sure how much the mother used during pregnancy but she is 8 yrs old, super smart, very athletic, and a bold leader. She is amazing.

Our oldest daughter we also adopted also as a baby and were able to be with her on the birth day. Her birth mother had 2 prior abortions, and the 2nd one was at 20 weeks. I suspect that this abortion impacted her and her boyfriend convinced her also to put her up for adoption. She too is crazy smart and an amazing little girl.
So we've spent $100k on these adoptions.

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And it's worse if they're in foster care, because all that means is the state is trying to give those kids back to what are almost always totally garbage parents that shouldn't have access to their children.

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Prepare for an entire new generation of kids raised by the state

We took in a four year old boy and his soon to be two year old sister back in January. The bio parents actually really do love the kids, but just not enough to stop using meth and in the case of the Dad, stop the gang life. I think that what actually makes it worse for the kids is that during visitations they have loving parents that treat them well but they are too young to understand why they aren't with them on a permanent basis, at least in the case of the older brother.

Over the course of the last six months we've certainly grown attached to the kiddos and were worried when our case worker asked us if we'd take on the bio Mom's new baby that was born last week. The state's preference is to keep sibling's together, and I completely understand that. We are aware of the mother's troubles and knew that she'd been on meth at least the first 5 months of pregnancy before being put back in jail. We explained that we couldn't be good parents to the two we have, one of which is already behind developmentally due to neglect and take on a new born who is more than likely going to have issues due to the Mom's choices. Thankfully, the state understood and because there isn't a relationship between the kids with us and newborn they found another home with parents more equipped to handle a child in that situation.

I understand why a lot of you say these kids aren't your burden to bare, I really do. I especially understand if you already have kids in your home and you are worried about bringing in children who've experienced trauma. I'll say this though, think of the first time you took your child fishing, the joy you saw on your child's face. Now imagine that same experience with a kid who has been put through the ringer, been bounced from home to home until they found a good home and family that loved him. That same first fishing trip just meant so much more to our boy Terry because of what he went thru, at least that is what I like to think. Thankfully his sister is too young to really know what is going on, she just goes thru the days being a bundle of joy for the wife and I. I didn't see myself, someone who never wanted kids, being in my mid 40's with two kids under five in the house, but while tough, it's been the most personally fulfilling thing I've done since my time in the Army.

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Prepare for an entire new generation of kids raised by the state

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The waitlist for infants and newborns is years long.

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The problem with adoption is that it costs $40-50k.


Who does the money go to?

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In the state of Missouri if you are a foster parent adopting children that have been placed with you, the cost to adopt is covered by the state.

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You know there is a shortage of kids to be adopted right?

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There is not a shortage of kids; there is a shortage of acceptable kids. The children who are not getting adopted are the ones who have fetal alcohol syndrome and stuff like that. THAT is the real problem.

I can only speak to my experience and those of the foster community we rely on for support and advice in the local area in Missouri. I've not heard good things about the foster care system in Texas but in the case of my county, the state doesn't go that route of moving the child back and forth, they emphasize stability for the kids. The two with us were removed from their parents a little over a year ago, were originally placed with an elderly couple in their 70's who just weren't equipped to take of them long term, until they found a more permanent solution, us. But yes, 18 months, consecutive months. In September we are scheduled to have a permanency hearing which is essentially the last chance for the bio parents to show that they are on the right track, I don't expect that to be the case. During training, I believe the social worker said that over half of the kids entering into the foster care system here in Missouri, are eventually adopted by their foster parents. That said, while it would devastate us to lose them, I hope the parents turn it around for their kids and become the type of parents these kids deserve. If that were to happen, I'm certain it will take some time to recover but we would, and we'd open our home again because every kid deserves a loving home.

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but it can be very expensive and the barriers high

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This can be solved. It would be a good use of government.

People can get married very cheaply and easily. Adoption can be set up in a similar manner. We've just accepted the premise that it cannot.

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That is the toughest part but the most important, being a loving foster parent knowing they can be taken away in an instant. In another discussion with others about fostering someone said that if you are going to foster, you can't get too attached and I had to push back on that. You have to get attached, you have to jump all the way in when fostering and be the absolute best loving parent you can be. The kids don't choose to be in the system, we do and if we truly love these kids, the absolute goal should be reunifying them with their parents after they've gotten their lives together, no matter how tough it is on us.

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This is the truth and the burden. It’s also why so many adopt outside the foster care system and even internationally. After multiple miscarriages, I need a “sure thing” that wouldn’t be stripped from me.