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Scott Lynch and his wife accused of "Grooming"

Posted on 6/26/20 at 10:00 am
Posted by boxcarbarney
Above all things, be a man
Member since Jul 2007
22739 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 10:00 am
Alexandra Rowland

When I saw the title, I thought "Oh God, this is awful." Then I read the article:

quote:

I was 25


If you're 25, and the "groomer" is 37, this isn't grooming. You may have been taken advantage of - maybe exploited - but you weren't groomed. I have no doubt that Lynch is a creep, but come on lady...

When I was 25 I was married, had a career and a mortgage. I don't know much about Rowland , but I think she needs to grow up a little.

Maybe Lynch is taking so long finishing Thorn because he's fricking around with 25 year olds?

quote:

So. I was 25, and completely unpublished. Lynch was 37, Bear was 43 -- both respected writers with long-established careers. I had a close friendship with Lynch, and I considered both of them mentors.

And then Lynch started flirting with me.

I had a bit of a hero crush -- who wouldn’t? -- and I was flattered by the attention. I felt special. (Looking back on it now, I am horrified about it. I was significantly younger, and there was a HUGE power differential.) He asked me to go out with him, and he lied about having an open relationship with Bear. I said yes, conditional on Bear being okay with it and me having an opportunity to talk to her first. When she found out, she was--understandably--furious.
This post was edited on 6/26/20 at 10:40 am
Posted by Fun Bunch
New Orleans
Member since May 2008
115901 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 10:04 am to
I don't see much wrong with this outside of cheating.

This is personal stuff. Who cares?

The whole grooming thing to me is sort of ridiculous, and having read this one, it is totally ridiculous.
This post was edited on 6/26/20 at 10:11 am
Posted by Fun Bunch
New Orleans
Member since May 2008
115901 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 10:19 am to
Having read all about it now, this is not "grooming" at all.

Rowland wants her moment.

This was a shitty adult relationship that went bad and got a little ugly.

That's it. Everyone was shitty here. Rowland putting this out there sucks.
Posted by boxcarbarney
Above all things, be a man
Member since Jul 2007
22739 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 10:20 am to
quote:

The whole grooming thing to me is sort of ridiculous, and having read this one, it is totally ridiculous.


That's the main reason why I posted this. "Grooming" is real, and very serious. Being 25 and accusing someone of grooming is ridiculous. You're a grown arse woman. Take some responsibility for your own actions.
Posted by Fun Bunch
New Orleans
Member since May 2008
115901 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 10:26 am to
I was referring to the evolution of grooming as applied to adults in consensual relationships.

Not children or teenagers. Obviously that is very very serious.

That isn't remotely the case here, and I've seen the term evolve to include people in their 20s which is pretty absurd.
Posted by p&g
Dixie
Member since Jun 2005
12995 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 10:38 am to
Hmmm
Posted by Sneaky__Sally
Member since Jul 2015
12364 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 10:55 am to
She seems like she wanted to be in a relationship and could have chosen to not pursue it or to simply leave when she got uncomfortable.

Was she employed by them, i don't really understand what her "job" was.
This post was edited on 6/26/20 at 10:56 am
Posted by Fun Bunch
New Orleans
Member since May 2008
115901 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 10:59 am to
quote:

Was she employed by them


I don't think so. She was writer that "looked up to them" because she wasn't established yet.
Posted by Green Chili Tiger
Lurking the Tin Foil Hat Board
Member since Jul 2009
47610 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 11:07 am to
Neither of them seem to be that concerned with grooming.

Posted by Fun Bunch
New Orleans
Member since May 2008
115901 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 11:09 am to
Posted by Sneaky__Sally
Member since Jul 2015
12364 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 11:31 am to
regardless of what the truth or reasonable conclusions end up being - Lynch is going to get crucified for this I feel like.

A quick look at twitter seems like most of the comments view "a difference in power" the same way that they would view a 30 year old going out with a 16 year old.
Posted by Fun Bunch
New Orleans
Member since May 2008
115901 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 11:43 am to
Which is totally absurd. She didn't work for him.

A guy tried to get laid by a grown woman that admired his work.

OH NO
Posted by Sneaky__Sally
Member since Jul 2015
12364 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 11:53 am to
It seems that they don't believe a relationship between someone with "power" and someone younger is acceptable anymore regardless of whether or not those two people want it to happen at the time
Posted by Sasquatch Smash
Member since Nov 2007
24034 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 1:22 pm to
quote:

It seems that they don't believe a relationship between someone with "power" and someone younger is acceptable anymore regardless of whether or not those two people want it to happen at the time



Yep, that's the problem. "Power." They are young and want it, but don't want to wait, sacrifice, or work to get it. Also, they don't realize that that evil "power" (status) is part of the reason they are attracted to that person.

It's manipulating language, feelings, and perspective in order to avoid personal responsibility for a choice freely made that left you with a negative outcome.
Posted by boxcarbarney
Above all things, be a man
Member since Jul 2007
22739 posts
Posted on 6/26/20 at 3:23 pm to
This is sure to put Lynch in a depressed funk that will push the next book back another 12 years. The guy can't even search for a house and acquire a mortgage without it shutting down the rest of his life.
Posted by LoveThatMoney
Who knows where?
Member since Jan 2008
12268 posts
Posted on 7/2/20 at 12:41 pm to
Hey, my books suck and don’t get as much attention as I want. Let me drag a master and his wife into an ugly open discussion of their personal lives and throw out a trigger word like “grooming” so I can get clicks and notoriety.

- Whoever the frick Alexandra Rowland is.
Posted by memphis tiger
Memphis, TN
Member since Feb 2006
20720 posts
Posted on 7/2/20 at 9:20 pm to
Is this what he’s been doing instead of finishing Thorn of Emberlain?
Posted by hogfly
Fayetteville, AR
Member since May 2014
4648 posts
Posted on 7/3/20 at 8:37 am to
I had a time in my life when I played a lot of MUDs (text-based RPGs), and there were a lot of fantasy author types in that community. The level of relationship dysfunction exhibited among those people was absolutely over the top. This is very much like a "behind the scenes" of what constantly went down in that community.

As others said: it's just a dysfunctional relationship gone wrong. She didn't work for him, wasn't underage, and entered into the relationship willingly. Take some ownership for your own decisions (and, I'm about as "woke" as a cis white man can be, but this is ridiculous).
Posted by NoSaint
Member since Jun 2011
11283 posts
Posted on 7/3/20 at 9:48 pm to
quote:

don't see much wrong with this outside of cheating.


Have been watching a few similar stories play out this week. In the Minneapolis rap scene there’s been a wide range of accusations against pretty much any male with a mic in the city. Some genuinely inappropriate but some “cheating is rape” or “he made amends to his wife but wasn’t accountable to me” stuff that’s really been eye opening.
Posted by Adajax
Member since Nov 2015
6126 posts
Posted on 7/4/20 at 12:40 pm to
quote:

A quick look at twitter seems like most of the comments view "a difference in power" the same way that they would view a 30 year old going out with a 16 year old.


They weren't concerned when it was Bill Clinton. Yes, I realize twitter wasn't around but you get my point.
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