Allstate CEO Explains If Americans Were Nicer, Islamists Wouldn't Have To Murder Them

U.S. — Allstate CEO Thomas Wilson explained to viewers across the nation that if Americans would act nicer, Islamic terrorists wouldn't be forced to murder them.

Wilson accosted Americans for being too negative and divided, leaving Islamists no choice but to kill them.

"This is on you, America," explained Wilson from the site of the latest terrorist attack. "You left this man no choice but to murder innocent people because of your negativity. I hope you take a long, hard look in the mirror and think about why you did this. You disgust me, America."

Wilson's message received mixed reactions, with many Americans stating that expressing negative feelings toward terrorists was justified. "Admittedly, yes, I have negative feelings about ISIS-inspired terrorists committing mass murder," said local man Carl Danson. "I wish there was less division, but they would like to see everyone subjugated to sharia law and I do not want that. So there's a bit of a conflict there."

At publishing time, Wilson had announced that to combat negativity, Allstate would be sponsoring the "ISIS Bowl" next year.

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