re: Wife had a miscarriage..This sucks

well, yea, praying is one thing.

saying it's gods plan that your child never sees the light of day is out of place.

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invite her to be confessed if you think she may blame herself, need to forgive herself. you can lead her to forgive herself.

(self talk like: I should not have drunk alcohol. I should not have smoked. I should have been in better shape. I ... whatever.
Help her forgive herself.

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I don't get this at all. If she didn't do anything to cause it, why in the world should she have to forgive herself for what was the body likely rejecting the pregnancy for some reason wholly unrelated to anything she did? Should she believe the rest of her life that she did something to cause this? I think not.


Many times, miscarriages are do to a chromosomal issue, a defective embryo/fetus, a fetus which doesn't implant properly among a myriad of other things.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. Since your wife has given birth before, there's a high probability that she will again. Until then, do as other folks have said, give her your support. Don't even think about suggesting she forgive herself. Taking on blame for no reason is just silly during a time like this. The body has a way of rejecting pregnancies when something is wrong. It happens a lot due to no fault of the mother. Whether or not you want to believe the potential medical reasons or take the religious route is up to your own personal beliefs and what works for the two of you. It hurts, but the hurt will become bearable in time. She won't forget, though, and you probably won't either.

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sassyLSU

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That was one of the worst things I've ever read

It's not that uncommon, especialy at that time period, give her a couple months to recooperate then get back on it.

This is from someone whos wife is an OBGYN and went through the same thing.

It sucks bro. My wife had one, then was pregnant with no issue, then had another. She felt she was to blame, as if she did something to effect it....which is the furthest thing from the truth in most cases. Reassure her it wasn't her fault and let her grieve. Good luck to y'all.

My niece had an ectopic pregnancy. She's started feeling some pain, but she's got a very high pain tolerance, so when she called the doc and the nurse asked her to describe the pain level, she downplayed it. She ended up having stronger pains and they told her to come in. She was sitting in the doc's office and upon exam and whatever tests they did, they saw that her abdomen was full of blood and she had emergency surgery resulting in the removal of one tube. They told her she should have been doubled over in pain and unable to walk. She'd driven herself there. They were supposed to wait several months or so to try again, but apparently, they didn't do something right because she was pregnant a month later and has a very healthy 2 year old.

She took it all really well. When the doc said it might take her a little longer to get pregnant, but he saw no reason why she couldn't get pregnant, she was good. She was optimistic and sort of shrugged it off. She's a very strong girl, though. I think we worried a lot more than she did. Scared the hell out of us when they had to move so quickly to get her into surgery.

We did not suggest she ask God to forgive her. That's the damnedest suggestion I've ever heard. Thankfully, this is the only time I've heard it and hopefully, the last time.

Make sure they check her progesterone levels early, that was my wife's issue on all of hers, caught early with our third child and prevented a 4th miscarriage

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sassyLSU

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If you had said any of that to me after my miscarriages I probably would have slapped your face.

I KNOW I would have told you to shut up.

Mine had one last year. Best think you can to is be there for her and support her. It's definitely tough. Prayers sent

and you're certainly entitled to feel that way. you're the one who went through this. you're the one grieving and learning how to cope. if your child would have had no chance in life and you feel this was a lesser blow than watching a baby die, you are 100% fine and I'll never tell you how to feel.

the line is when other people tell you how to feel or tell you this deep pain that affects your family was all part of "gods will." I just refuse to agree with that line of thought.