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Why are cheaters scared their SO is also cheating?

Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:16 am
Posted by finchmeister08
Member since Mar 2011
35589 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:16 am
I can't seem to wrap my head around it. Can some of you that have been on both sides of this spectrum shed some light on this subject, please?

This post was edited on 3/21/18 at 9:25 am
Posted by Cosmo
glassman's guest house
Member since Oct 2003
120175 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:16 am to
Cheaters are generally attracted to other cheaters

Posted by Displaced
Member since Dec 2011
32702 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:17 am to
It's called projection, and they are generally very selfish people.
Posted by TH03
Mogadishu
Member since Dec 2008
171035 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:18 am to
Because it normalizes their behavior if they think their spouse is doing it too.
This post was edited on 3/21/18 at 9:18 am
Posted by bigberg2000
houston, from chalmette
Member since Sep 2005
70023 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:19 am to
How is this not obvious?
Posted by SCLSUMuddogs
Baton Rouge
Member since Feb 2010
6858 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:19 am to
Guilt
Posted by DemonKA3268
Parts Unknown
Member since Oct 2015
19192 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:19 am to
It's all about control. They do whatever they want to do but their SO better not be doing it.
Posted by Winston Cup
Dallas Cowboys Fan
Member since May 2016
65489 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:20 am to
did you edit the title or did someone else remove the "SPINOFF" part

Posted by Morty
Member since Feb 2018
2252 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:21 am to
Self abdorbed, narcissitic tendencies.
Posted by finchmeister08
Member since Mar 2011
35589 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:23 am to
quote:

Because it normalizes their behavior if they think their spouse is doing it too.

it's one thing to think, "i don't care about this broad. i'm gonna get some strange."

it's another to think, "i think this girl might be cheating. i'm gonna do the same."

i would think if you didn't care enough about the person to start cheating on them, you wouldn't care enough about the repercussions of doing it. so in my mind, if you cheat, you shouldn't give a shite what the other person will doing.
Posted by CorkSoaker
Member since Oct 2008
9784 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:24 am to
Only women do that.
Posted by finchmeister08
Member since Mar 2011
35589 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:24 am to
quote:

did you edit the title or did someone else remove the "SPINOFF" part

someone removed it. they should've just finished off the title for me while they were at it.
Posted by TH03
Mogadishu
Member since Dec 2008
171035 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:27 am to
quote:

it's another to think, "i think this girl might be cheating. i'm gonna do the same."


No they cheat, then they project their lies on to their spouse because it's easier for them to think they're okay if the spouse is cheating too.

For instance:

Cheater comes home late because he was with a girl. Tells his wife he was at the office.

Next day, his wife comes home late because she actually had to work late. Cheater then questions if she was actually at work, because he knows he wasn't when he said he was.

He's now projecting his lies onto her because of his fear of being caught. It's more convenient for him to believe she is cheating too because it normalizes his behavior.
Posted by lsufan112001
sportsmans paradise
Member since Oct 2006
10695 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:29 am to
Once you corrupt yourself, I believe you just can’t go back to your old self. Trust goes away as the selfishness / control takes hold.
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:30 am to
1) Cheating requires sneaking around and lying. You're always on guard to make sure you're covering your tracks, and reading the emotions and behavior of your SO to make sure they're not on to you. This leads to paranoia.

2) You're ashamed of your behavior and it makes you feel better to assume that you're not the only one behaving in this way.
Posted by LCA131
Home of the Fake Sig lines
Member since Feb 2008
72594 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:31 am to
quote:

Cheater comes home late because he was with a girl. Tells his wife he was at the office.

Next day, his wife comes home late because she actually had to work late. Cheater then questions if she was actually at work, because he knows he wasn't when he said he was.

He's now projecting his lies onto her because of his fear of being caught. It's more convenient for him to believe she is cheating too because it normalizes his behavior.


THIS reads A LOT like a first person kind of story.



Posted by TulaneFan
Slidell, LA
Member since Jan 2008
14034 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:32 am to
Because cheaters are lying tPOS assholes and can’t take a dose of their own medicine
Posted by Lsupimp
Ersatz Amerika-97.6% phony & fake
Member since Nov 2003
78362 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:33 am to
I think your premise is flawed. I think the narcissist cheater variety probably thinks his wife would never cheat on him because he’s so awesome.
Posted by LSU alum wannabe
Katy, TX
Member since Jan 2004
26964 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:35 am to
quote:

It's called projection, and they are generally very selfish people.


This.

If they don’t give them an “excuse” to cheat, they make one up.
Posted by PortHudsonPlaya
Houston
Member since Jul 2017
3170 posts
Posted on 3/21/18 at 9:36 am to
Everyone I've known that seem to cheat are also very insecure and overly possessive in relationships.
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