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re: Who here is divorced with kids?
Posted on 4/24/20 at 1:51 pm to Will Cover
Posted on 4/24/20 at 1:51 pm to Will Cover
thank you for advice.When we have sat down and talked the last few days I have been kinda pushy for her to make her mind up on what she wants. I think im gonna be more patient and only talk to her regarding our children or if she texts first ill respond. once again your words have been great
1
Posted on 4/24/20 at 1:52 pm to GreatLakesTiger24
Posted on 4/24/20 at 1:52 pm to Will Cover
quote:
understand what you are saying. Work on yourself. Be the best you can possibly be to yourself, to the children, and to her. You have to hope that your behaviors and actions will help reshape her behaviors and actions, albeit indirectly.
And if you're marriage still ends up in a divorce, you're still going to be a better person because you have been working on you. And no one can take that away from you.
This is my focus as well(but it is a struggle at times). I figure I’ll either become a better wife to my husband....or to someone else later on if things don’t work out.
Either way I’ll know I did all I could and am the best person that I can be.
Posted on 4/24/20 at 1:54 pm to Rouge
quote:
Are you a licensed therapist or just a freelancer?
Nope. I just enjoy reading, listening and watching self-help, relationship material.
I am firmly against divorce. I went through it as a very young child and I have seen numerous friends and family go through it. I would never wish it upon anyone.
Posted on 4/24/20 at 2:00 pm to TigerMatt225
quote:
When we have sat down and talked the last few days I have been kinda pushy for her to make her mind up on what she wants. I think im gonna be more patient and only talk to her regarding our children or if she texts first ill respond. once again your words have been great
Don't beat yourself up over it. You're human. You've made mistakes. You will continue to make mistakes. Just try not to make the same ones twice.
Remember, nothing in your relationship is an emergency. Don't harbor resentment towards your wife. No anger. No pushing, clinginess, or neediness. Find forgiveness. Pray, if you believe in that. Smart contact. Work on you. Keep things as light as you possibly can.
Set aside time to have those talks, maybe once or twice a week, 10 minutes maximum. Know that you aren't going to fix it in 10 minutes. This has probably been something that has been in the works for a while. Unfortunately, most of us don't see it because we're too consumed with our own selfishness behaviors.
She will come around on her own timeline if she is to come around at all. And for the love of God, don't let fear (which is based on anxiety) control you and your emotions. Usually, when people do or say something they later end up regretting, it is because they were scared themselves and most of the time, it's the exact opposite of what they want their situation to be.
Posted on 4/24/20 at 2:13 pm to Will Cover
quote:
am firmly against divorce
You can be as much against it as you want, but if your SO wants out, then they will get out
It takes two to make a thing go right
Only takes one to break it
Posted on 4/24/20 at 2:13 pm to Will Cover
quote:
I would never wish it upon anyone.
Me either.
Posted on 4/24/20 at 2:15 pm to Rouge
quote:
You can be as much against it as you want, but if your SO wants out, then they will get out
It takes two to make a thing go right
Only takes one to break it
I completely agree with you. But I said it before, falling in love is a choice, and falling out of love is a choice too. People don't leave what they have unless what they're going to is better in their minds.
Be the best you can be and hopefully you'll become more attractive (and not just in a physical way) to your spouse. Every one of us should be working on ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually every day. There's no harm in doing that.
This post was edited on 4/24/20 at 2:16 pm
Posted on 4/24/20 at 2:53 pm to Chef Free Gold Bloom
How do y’all deal with not having the kids for extended periods of time. I understand that there are benefits to that, but don’t y’all feel like your missing out on some of those precious moments? Or do you feel like you’re not fully participating in their upbringing? Especially if a step parent is standing in your place half the time. Just curious how y’all deal with that?
Posted on 4/24/20 at 3:00 pm to Celery
quote:
How do y’all deal with not having the kids for extended periods of time. I understand that there are benefits to that, but don’t y’all feel like your missing out on some of those precious moments? Or do you feel like you’re not fully participating in their upbringing? Especially if a step parent is standing in your place half the time. Just curious how y’all deal with that?
It isn't easy, that's for sure. Take time to do things for you. It also depends on their ages. You can be as involved as possible, especially with school related activities. I have friend who is in a shitty marriage now and this is the number 1 reason he won't leave.
As far as a step parent, you have no control over that. You hope they aren't a POS and will treat them right.
This post was edited on 4/24/20 at 3:06 pm
Posted on 4/24/20 at 5:03 pm to DemonKA3268
Closing in on 3 years separated and 2 years divorced. 2 kids, very young at the time.
She cheated and initiated it after we tried counseling. I was in disbelief and got depressed when i started splitting time w the kids.
Looking back i got clingy when we first split bc i was scared and didn’t want it for the kids. Fast forward now and i’m still trying to improve each day. Found a woman i like to be around who is great around my kids.
It isn’t easy being away/feeling like i’m missing out on moments with the kids. The one thing this has made me realize (in all aspects of life, not just being a parent) is that i can’t control certain things but i make damn sure to enjoy what i can control.
50/50 custody and i cherish my time with the kids. I don’t deal with the depression very often and i’m generally a very positive person these days. I get overwhelmed when i Put pressure on myself for trying to put my kids in a position to succeed, and thinking i might fail. But they’ll grow up and be their own people and i’ll provide the support they need until they are grown.
The system is honestly set up to give the kids and each parent a fair shake, but the parent with more $$$ will feel the pain more.
Know your worth, kings. Value yourself and if you believe in something, fight for it. It isn’t all in your control but turn the page and find things you want in life and focus on them.
She cheated and initiated it after we tried counseling. I was in disbelief and got depressed when i started splitting time w the kids.
Looking back i got clingy when we first split bc i was scared and didn’t want it for the kids. Fast forward now and i’m still trying to improve each day. Found a woman i like to be around who is great around my kids.
It isn’t easy being away/feeling like i’m missing out on moments with the kids. The one thing this has made me realize (in all aspects of life, not just being a parent) is that i can’t control certain things but i make damn sure to enjoy what i can control.
50/50 custody and i cherish my time with the kids. I don’t deal with the depression very often and i’m generally a very positive person these days. I get overwhelmed when i Put pressure on myself for trying to put my kids in a position to succeed, and thinking i might fail. But they’ll grow up and be their own people and i’ll provide the support they need until they are grown.
The system is honestly set up to give the kids and each parent a fair shake, but the parent with more $$$ will feel the pain more.
Know your worth, kings. Value yourself and if you believe in something, fight for it. It isn’t all in your control but turn the page and find things you want in life and focus on them.
This post was edited on 4/24/20 at 5:04 pm
Posted on 4/24/20 at 5:15 pm to Boh
Well said. All you have to do is try, they will notice.
Posted on 4/25/20 at 10:11 am to Celery
quote:
How does split custody work when Mom and Dad live in 2 different cities?
Not sure.
quote:
In your case it’s still a short drive, so that’s not toooo bad is it
Normally, it wouldn’t be, but when we were married we lived in BR and weren’t about to put the kids in public school. My son is autistic, so we put my daughter in private school that we felt could accommodate most of my son’s needs (along with some private occupational therapy) with the anticipation that he could transition to the school after extensive ABA therapy. He needs to be in an academic environment so, now we have to navigate the logistics of how we get the kids to their respective schools.
She filed and moved out to Prairieville expecting that she could do whatever the hell she wanted regarding my daughter and school. I put a stop to that. It’s not fair to yank my daughter out of the school where she has developed friendships, gotten involved in activities and provides the foundation her mom didn’t get (and frankly helped put us in this situation).
Now we find ourselves in a situation where we want what’s best for both kids, but have different opinions of what that is and how we do what is best for both kids.
Posted on 4/25/20 at 10:23 am to Chef Free Gold Bloom
My self help child rearing book is going to be called "Split the Frick Up"
If both parents are going to pull their 50% share, it's the best thing ever.
I have a 2 year old toddler, female, and I'm not meant for relationships, except as a dad. I love my fireman's shifts, though, utter dedication then relaxation (and cleaning).
I don't think Oprah will let me on to discuss the book, though.
If both parents are going to pull their 50% share, it's the best thing ever.
I have a 2 year old toddler, female, and I'm not meant for relationships, except as a dad. I love my fireman's shifts, though, utter dedication then relaxation (and cleaning).
I don't think Oprah will let me on to discuss the book, though.
Posted on 4/25/20 at 12:20 pm to GreatLakesTiger24
Being divorced is different than not taking care of your kids. My parents divorced when I was young but my dad was still pretty active in my life.
Posted on 4/25/20 at 3:15 pm to Limitlesstigers
quote:
Being divorced is different than not taking care of your kids. My parents divorced when I was young but my dad was still pretty active in my life.
It’s really not that hard to understand. Some people hate their life so much they have to inject stupidity into others. He has proven that over and over.
This post was edited on 4/25/20 at 3:20 pm
Posted on 4/26/20 at 1:11 am to Will Cover
quote:
Usually when one person is wanting out, it because of one of three reasons:
1. they don't feel liked
2. they don't feel loved
3. they don't feel respected
4. they found a bigger dick.
Posted on 4/26/20 at 7:46 am to Limitlesstigers
quote:it is different, but it’s also pretty similar. Nuclear family or bust.
Being divorced is different than not taking care of your kids. My parents divorced when I was young but my dad was still pretty active in my life.
Posted on 4/26/20 at 8:23 am to justsaygeaux2
quote:
4. they found a bigger dick.
Not disagreeing with you, but it starts because of
1. They don’t feel liked.
2. They don’t feel loved.
3. They don’t feel respected.
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