re: What's The Funniest Thing You Saw Or Heard Today?

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Get off the Internet and do something productive, pussy

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What's The Funniest Thing You Saw Or Heard Today?I was at the grocery store. I was looking at the eggs because I used to not check the eggs and then get home and some would be cracked. I don't eat a lot of eggs and usually just get the little six pack. But my Aunt Denise was there, who is not really my Aunt but my Mom's best friend and I always called her that. She has worked there a long time. She said, "Just get the dozen eggs, it's cheaper and eggs last a pretty good while anyways." I said " Ok. " She said " I've been getting you deals since you were 6 years old buying candy" Do any of you have a friend of your parents who is not really related but you call Aunt or Uncle?

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I know it's odd, but this exact same thing happened to me, only it was different. I was supposed to be there by 5:30 because Aunt Bee (Her real name is Beatrice, but we call her Bee, not like the lady from Mayberry) was getting off of her shift at 6:00. Well, I was late because my dog got into a hornet nest and I had to take him to the vet because he is allergic, and he needed the shots so he doesn't swell up like a possum that has been dead for 3 days.

Anyway, I was not able to get there until 5:55 to get the eggs. I needed them because tomorrow is omlet day and the schedule is set and stoned. Aunt Bee was mad because she can only get so many hours out of her compression socks and her dogs were barking due to the lightning strike years ago. I got to her register and could tell she was mad so I told her a joke from the Reader's digest, one that I think John Mahaffey used years ago for his "Final Note" thing that he did. She tried to stay mad but it was funny and made her drool a little. Anyway, I paid for the eggs and was going back out to the van when I was hit by a black f-250 with purple and gold truck nuts. I was wondering if those were LSU sanctioned. (The truck nuts, not black f-250's.) Anyway, the truck hit me pretty hard but I will save that story for another day.

Did this ever happen to anybody else?

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the schedule is set and stoned.

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Some know it all 50 something loudmouth trying to hook up with a 23 year old server at a bar and grill in Gonzales. Thinks he is wiser than everyone else at the bar. I want to strangle that Mofo. Poor dude can’t find anyone else to frick him. After he drinks, he embarrasses himself and the servers while getting shot down every night.

I brought mom to the grocery store today to get one item. So i dropped her off by the front door and told her i would park near the door and keep the truck cooled off for her.
She gets the item, walks out and hopped in the passenger side of a truck that we most certainly do not own.
She exited just as quickly while i laughed my arse off at her. i proceeded to mock her once she accomplished getting in the correct truck. I believe i earned the minor beating she gave me, in fact it just made me laugh harder.

Chased a toad all over my house today, fast little guy, pretty smart too. Finally cornered him in the bathroom. Retuned him to his world outside.