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re: What's a good way to phrase people who can't accept good fortune of others?

Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:32 am to
Posted by Draconian Sanctions
Markey's bar
Member since Oct 2008
88509 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:32 am to
quote:

my best personal example is the group of people who did study abroad in law school and took out student loans to pay for it. at the time they said i was crazy for not going, and i had crunched the numbers and they did the "life is more than just numbers..you'll never get to go to europe again. blah blah blah" routine

10 years later i'm about to pay off my student loans and happy i'm not burdened with an extra 15k+ while the same friends who made fun of me for not being fun are drowning in student loan debt (some aren't even paying it). if i say "man i made the right decision. now i can afford to ball out in Europe" they'd lose their fricking minds at me



i know people who did this as well. I don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" decision here. What's right for one may not be right for another. I didn't go either and I do somewhat regret it. I've been blessed to have had the opportunity to go to Europe twice since so that helps but the people in my class who went definitely had a shared experience money can't buy.
Posted by SaintLSUnAtl
THE REAL MJ
Member since Jan 2007
22209 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:32 am to
I think the terms you’re looking for are “miserable” or “losers”

I don’t mean loser in the sense that they don’t have as much as others. I mean loser in the sense that they concstantly whine or complain about not having as much but refuse to realize that it’s bc they aren’t willing to put in the effort it takes. Just easier to blame others and envy what they have, which ultimately makes them miserable.
Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
299716 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:34 am to
quote:

that's one very common version of the BDM'ing. probably the most


Its engrained. A big part of socializing is making comparisons for self evaluation and trying to fit in, particularly when people are younger. . Add to it the constant pressure to define success in material measures and we have a lot of fricked up people.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
With populists, expect populism
Member since Jan 2004
481222 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:35 am to
quote:

I don’t mean loser in the sense that they don’t have as much as others. I mean loser in the sense that they concstantly whine or complain about not having as much but refuse to realize that it’s bc they aren’t willing to put in the effort it takes.


I had a bad case of loser denial myself. Until the lacrosse team stuck a parking cone up my arse.
Posted by rondo
Worst. Poster. Evar.
Member since Jan 2004
77520 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:35 am to
Posted by SlowFlowPro
With populists, expect populism
Member since Jan 2004
481222 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:37 am to
quote:

but the people in my class who went definitely had a shared experience money can't buy.

not to be a dick, but how many of these people aren't paying back their student loans in full? sure life can be enjoyable if you spend money that isn't your's and then expect others to pay it back. i'd hardly call that optimal decision making or the foundation of a good decision making mindset
Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
299716 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:37 am to
quote:

I mean loser in the sense that they concstantly whine or complain about not having as much but refuse to realize that it’s bc they aren’t willing to put in the effort it takes


Well, a lot of people haven't figured out who they are. Many are still in denial and fearful they are being left behind.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
With populists, expect populism
Member since Jan 2004
481222 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:39 am to
quote:

crab theory braj

very nice. thank you

one thing that has spurned this discussion in my head is this lesson: Jordan Peterson - Good Friends v. Bad Friends

Good friends are friends that:

1. you can tell them bad news and they'll listen
2. you can tell them good news...and they'll help you celebrate
Posted by Draconian Sanctions
Markey's bar
Member since Oct 2008
88509 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:39 am to
quote:

but how many of these people aren't paying back their student loans in full?


i mean i have no idea

quote:

i'd hardly call that optimal decision making or the foundation of a good decision making mindset


optimal decision for you is not necessarily the optimal decision for someone else
Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
299716 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:41 am to
quote:

optimal decision for you is not necessarily the optimal decision for someone else


Bingo. It all depends on what you value.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
With populists, expect populism
Member since Jan 2004
481222 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:43 am to
quote:

optimal decision for you is not necessarily the optimal decision for someone else

that's not how "optimal" works

we're talking stats, expected values, risk-reward, etc. it's all math

you can argue their mindset has created a path allowing them to tell the story that this is the preferred path for their individual pursuits/desires/self, and that's fine. that's their subjectively preferred path and not the objectively optimal decision

your preferred path will almost certainly make you happier (especially in the long term). some people even run so +EV that they never have to face the consequences of that path. still doesn't make it optimal
Posted by Draconian Sanctions
Markey's bar
Member since Oct 2008
88509 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:45 am to
quote:

we're talking stats, expected values, risk-reward, etc. it's all math


I don't think you can boil everything in life down to a math equation, so we're just going to have to agree to disagree on this one. But hey you do you bro.
This post was edited on 2/12/18 at 11:46 am
Posted by SaintLSUnAtl
THE REAL MJ
Member since Jan 2007
22209 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:48 am to
quote:

Well, a lot of people haven't figured out who they are. Many are still in denial and fearful they are being left behind.


And that’s perfectly fine. If you are still figuring things out then it’s all good. But if you are still figuring things out while complaining about your situation and hating on someone else, then it’s time to get to work.

I think a lot of people use the “figuring it out” excuse bc they don’t wanna put in the work to succeed. Everyone defines success differently. I’m just saying If you complain constantly but then get off work and grab a six pack and play Madden for 5 hours then STFU.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
With populists, expect populism
Member since Jan 2004
481222 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:49 am to
quote:

I don't think you can boil everything in life down to a math equation

that's the goal

again, this doesn't mean that life is static or you can't adapt to changes. it's about having the best strategy possible to deal with these changes and make the best, calculated decision when they're required.

everyone creates a strategy. the biggest difference is how big they make it. even when you act like your plan is to do nothing, that is a plan at the end of the day. even if you make a plan to let life sweep you up, your still have a plan and you STILL have to make decisions within that paradigm
Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
299716 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:51 am to
quote:

still doesn't make it optimal


For whom?

Investing may be optimal for you based on pure dollars and cents, while spending and experiencing may be optimal for someone else.

I mean objectively we all know how to accumulate more resources but that's not "optimal" for everyone.

I've got an acquaintance who can't take a vacation unless he finds a way to make money off of it. Sure he's optimizing resources but what's the tradeoff?
Posted by brucevilanch
Fort Worth, Tejas
Member since May 2011
24418 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:51 am to
quote:


that's why it died after 2 episodes


Damn, that's unfortunate.
Posted by SlowFlowPro
With populists, expect populism
Member since Jan 2004
481222 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:51 am to
quote:

I think a lot of people use the “figuring it out” excuse bc they don’t wanna put in the work to succeed.

100% correct

it's not even just work, either. people don't want to be subject to the discipline required more than the work itself

discipline is freedom

freedom is happiness

happiness is comptetency

competency is optimal decision-making

competency takes discipline and work

that's the circle
Posted by LeMarteau
Hoover, AL (B.R. native)
Member since Mar 2008
2275 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:52 am to
The BDMs are narcissistic, selfish twats.
If you find a cure for that character flaw, please let me know -
Posted by Wtodd
Tampa, FL
Member since Oct 2013
68609 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:53 am to
quote:

What's a good way to phrase people who can't accept good fortune of others?

Don't be a dick
Don't be an a-hole
Don't be a count
Don't be a twat
Don't be a moron
Don't be a dweeb
Don't be a BDM
Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
299716 posts
Posted on 2/12/18 at 11:53 am to
quote:

think a lot of people use the “figuring it out” excuse bc they don’t wanna put in the work to succeed.


Or they define personal success much differently than you do
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