re: The One Thing Missing from Most Relationships (Both Men & Women)

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Ex wife had trust issues and I told her those issues are due to her not trusting herself

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I had to remind her that the only thing that “crumbled” was her mindset.

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She wasn't ready to hear you. She didn't want to hear you. Were you right? Most likely. But until she came around to her own idea that she was the problem, anything and everything you said only created a greater divide.

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How you doing my friend???

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Life, as I am sure you can relate and understand, has its ups and downs. I'm intentional to remind myself that when things aren't so great, it doesn't mean they will stay that way. Feelings are fleeing, and often change -- for the good, and the not so good.

Even when life feels like it is at our lowest point, there are things that we all should be grateful for. It's reminding ourselves to remember this; easier to say, harder to do.

to you!

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You can never truly know someone until you live with them.

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Truth.

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Being around someone too often decreases desire (especially in a woman’s eyes).

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True, but there's also the age aspect. If we're talking long-term relationships/marriages (in decades, rather than years) you also have to take into account the aging effect in the realm of "desire". For the youngsters, this isn't "ewww, old people body" but rather that for most people their sex drive begins to decrease around their 30s-40s (that decrease grows as the decades roll by).

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Back to the original point in making the thread is that I truly think vulnerability has disappeared from most relationships because being connected spiritually has disappeared.

The social media platforms and dating apps have killed spirituality.

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I agree, but to a point. Spirituality was already on the wane before the advent of social media. In 1958, ~49% of poll respondents said they had attended church in the last week. In 2000, it was down to 42%. In 2023 it was 32%. That being said, social media very likely helped fuel that movement.

Buuuuut...

For those who are spiritual, social media can help facilitate their connection (my wife and I are happy examples of that), but (to get back to the OP) you both have to be ready and willing to communicate, trust and be trustworthy. This may be one of the drivers in the falling divorce rate and the slowdown in the drop in marriage rates since the coming of social media.

Census.gov



Bowling Green State University

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-The number of women who reported they divorced in the past year increased from 948,862 in 2021 (Marino, 2022) to 989,518 in 2022.

-After reaching a 40-year record low for two consecutive years (2020 and 2021 at 14.0 divorces per 1,000 married women), the divorce rate rose slightly in 2022 to 14.56 divorces per 1,000 married women.

-The overall trend in the divorce rate since 2008 remained downward despite the slight increase from 2021 to 2022. The 2022 divorce rate was below pre-pandemic levels.

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Full disclosure: It wasn't until I read your post that I really considered the impact of social media on marriage and divorce as more than a background thought. I was of the belief that marriage rates have continued, unabated, to decline and divorces were on an incline. Now it could be that years of lowering marriage rates are part of the impact on the lowering divorce rates, but (at least going by the Census graph) the divide between two has widened since ~2012-2013, meaning that marriage rate has remained roughly flat while divorces have continued to drop.

Hear me out with some relationship Realpolitik;One can always opt out of the need to be heard by a woman. One can have a network of trusted Bros who hear you. It may be far less relationship-wise than having a woman that works to understand her man but it may be far more than entering into a relationship with a woman that has too many negative emotions and who leaves you feeling exhausted and alienated from your own life.Which is very common for men.

I want your wife to hear you and for you to hear her. But if you are unheard, turn to your Bros. Your Bros have your back through thick and thin and always try to elevate you. Always an alternative, if your woman is too inside her own head to give you the respect, peace and love you need.

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A lack of humility kills relationships.

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What I was just about to say. A healthy relationship requires service to the other person. It's not necessarily about putting the other person's needs above your own, but acknowledging that their needs/wants/desires/dreams in life have equal value. This is a choice you have to make every day, and if both people are on the same page, it works really well.

The old adage about "there's no I in team" holds true here. We are in the most self-centered time as a culture that I've ever seen. Often a healthy dose of introspection is really helpful to not drive your spouse completely bananas ha ha.