re: Should I be ashamed?

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I downvoted you, just because you were the bearer of bad news, and for that I am sorry.

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Sometimes the messenger has to take the bullet.

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the whole FWB is still fairly new.

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Wut?

I'm glad I'm not you Kash

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OP (in his 30s) couldn't get chick to commit for seven months and may or may not have been getting some from her. She starts fading so he stalks her and discovers another dude at her house at 4 am. OP is then dickish to the girl at the BBQ. She texts him asking if he is ok. He responds with a weak "it's over" style text. She comes to his place at 1 am to retrieve her ipad. He sits in front of his computer posting "She's here!" They don't exchange a word. He can't or won't post pictures. That pretty much sums it up.

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Sounds like the equivalent of a bowel movement that needs to come out but won't. Dude needs to grunt, push and flush her--and move the frick on.

A serious note to Uncle Lester:

1) Get a friend. A male friend. One who can tell you when you a effing up and chasing the wrong women.

2) Get some help. Seriously. You seem to recognize you have issues. This relationship shows that you probably do. Look, brother, we all got issues, and we all need help. Seriously. Go see a counselor and be honest.

3) Get real honest. Do you want sex without committment? Did you REALLY want this gal to say yes to being exclusive, or was it just illusory. You might be sacred of committing. Ain't no sin. A good half of the hard leg Rantards are. But be REAL honest with yourself.

4) Take a break from the P. Until you get your head straight, you need to stay clear of it. The P from BBQ/"Let's See How It Goes" Girl plainly clouded your good judgment for seven months. Don't wake up in ten years realizing you let it happen another five or ten times. Clear your head and sort it out.

5) Get out of the passivity rut. You are a scared kid inside. Admit it. Then day by day, step by step, eradicate that passive little voice inside. Practice being direct. Practice saying no. Really.

That's my advice. Good luck.

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I have a feeling this relationship, or whatever it was, has been over for a while. OP didn't realize until yesterday. Whether she fricked the other dude or not is irrelevant, although I we all know she did, she obviously wasn't that into him so it's best that it's over.

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Even more of a probability is that the only relationship existed in the OP's mind.

I mean, I guess it's how you present yourself in a way:

if you are trashy and wear flat bills/tats and other lower class things...but are decent looking....I can see why a girl would just want to sleep with you, but not really be seen with you.

unfortunately, girls always just want to marry me. I can't ever have a casual relationship, they want me to meet all their friends and parents.

OP did fine and handled it well.

If he had not let her know he knew he would be a pussy and regret it.

What he did was on point. The girl did something she shouldn't have and felt guilty about it on Saturday. The fact she did that and continued to blow up his phone the entire weekend means she is more into him than guy #2. Guy #2 didn't get the job done or she would be getting even more distant, not begging for OPs attention.

Now, OP has a decision. He has been faithful, she has not. He can let her go and ignore her and move on and it will kill her.

I did that once in a very similar situation. Had been exclusive with a girl for several months. She had a rich dude trying to buy her (talking very rich, took her on a flight to NY then San Fran, had celebs on his plane - Don King and Sugar Ray Leonard and Wayne Chebret). Anyway, she eventually slept with him. I packed up her shite that was at my place, including a bunch of her clothes. Folded everything up nice and neat, packaged it well, put the key to her house I had in an envelope and left it on her front porch with a short note that just said, "Returning your belongings, TiM"

She called and called leaving voicemails. I never listened to a single one. Deleted everything she sent without listening to it or reading it. She tried for two years to get back with me, with me just ignoring her.

That is how it is done and what OP should do next.

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He has been faithful

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Faithful to what? His fantasy? The transferrence of his needs onto this gal who pretty much told him flat out she did not want to commit?

I only read the OP.

Haven't got time to read a whole long thread. My comments are in regard to the OP only.