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re: Seeking advice regarding Alzheimer's
Posted on 9/13/17 at 11:58 am to Roll Tide Ravens
Posted on 9/13/17 at 11:58 am to Roll Tide Ravens
We went through this with my grandmother. Fortunately she was more understanding to having an in-home caregiver and subsequently assisted living.
It was the worst way I've seen anyone pass. So drawn out and heartbreaking.
I wish I had something to help you with her being so reluctant.
Prayers.
It was the worst way I've seen anyone pass. So drawn out and heartbreaking.
I wish I had something to help you with her being so reluctant.
Prayers.
0
Posted on 9/13/17 at 12:11 pm to Roll Tide Ravens
We went through the same thing with my father-in-law. Some of these suggestions may have been mentioned before so I apologize.
1.) Family meeting - Her immediate family needs to understand her current state, what are her future wishes, etc.
2.) Meet with her as a family. She will likely not like the tone and become defensive, but it should be discussed as a group.
3.) She needs to be assessed by her doctor and discuss her future needs. A family member MUST be there. Someone who will ask questions.
4.) Power of Attorney needs to be selected. She needs a will.
5.) Liquidate her assets. As mentioned, it will be very expensive if she needs to go into a home. Basically, they take everything. I believe
if she has no assets for 2 years medicaid will kick in. That's what we did. I would suggest researching it.
6.) If she is a veteran or spouse of a veteran who fought in Korea or prior the government will assist with her care. If that is the case I recommend
a little research on it.
7.) Visit her - this is the most important part. It is very depressing in some of those places.
I would also research vascular strokes in Alzheimer's patients.
1.) Family meeting - Her immediate family needs to understand her current state, what are her future wishes, etc.
2.) Meet with her as a family. She will likely not like the tone and become defensive, but it should be discussed as a group.
3.) She needs to be assessed by her doctor and discuss her future needs. A family member MUST be there. Someone who will ask questions.
4.) Power of Attorney needs to be selected. She needs a will.
5.) Liquidate her assets. As mentioned, it will be very expensive if she needs to go into a home. Basically, they take everything. I believe
if she has no assets for 2 years medicaid will kick in. That's what we did. I would suggest researching it.
6.) If she is a veteran or spouse of a veteran who fought in Korea or prior the government will assist with her care. If that is the case I recommend
a little research on it.
7.) Visit her - this is the most important part. It is very depressing in some of those places.
I would also research vascular strokes in Alzheimer's patients.
Posted on 9/13/17 at 1:30 pm to FourcadeBrigade
OP, FourcadeBrigade has a good list. Here's my two cents--to add to Fourcade's 7 suggestions.
1. The POA should be deciding this, not the grandkid. Where are the children of grandma? Let the person she trusted with the POA approach her. She has already demonstrated that the trusts that person.
2. If she has not seen a psychiatrist, she needs to see one ASAP. They are the ones who know how to treat this, not her general doctor/intern/whatever.
3. Any place that takes Medicaid is not a place you want to live. Why would you think your grandmother would want to?
4. VA benefits only $1000 and only if grandma has no assets.
5. Memory care can be nice. The key is finding the right place, making sure it's super close to where the POA lives, and being able to pay for it.
One add: A "family" meeting might make grandma feel defensive--like she's being ganged up on. Better to make the meeting just POA, granddad and grandma.
1. The POA should be deciding this, not the grandkid. Where are the children of grandma? Let the person she trusted with the POA approach her. She has already demonstrated that the trusts that person.
2. If she has not seen a psychiatrist, she needs to see one ASAP. They are the ones who know how to treat this, not her general doctor/intern/whatever.
3. Any place that takes Medicaid is not a place you want to live. Why would you think your grandmother would want to?
4. VA benefits only $1000 and only if grandma has no assets.
5. Memory care can be nice. The key is finding the right place, making sure it's super close to where the POA lives, and being able to pay for it.
One add: A "family" meeting might make grandma feel defensive--like she's being ganged up on. Better to make the meeting just POA, granddad and grandma.
This post was edited on 9/13/17 at 1:37 pm
Posted on 9/13/17 at 1:35 pm to wrlakers
I want to thank everyone for your responses, there is a lot of good advice here. I truly appreciate everyone taking the time to respond.
I am not exactly sure what their situation is as far as wills, I'm pretty sure they have one, but I don't know exactly what they've already done. My grandfather has all of that info, though. Also, I want to be clear that I am not making any decisions for her, that is on my Dad, Aunt, & Grandad, and they are taking good care to make sure things are handled. I just wanted to see what advice I could find here that I could pass along to them.
I am not exactly sure what their situation is as far as wills, I'm pretty sure they have one, but I don't know exactly what they've already done. My grandfather has all of that info, though. Also, I want to be clear that I am not making any decisions for her, that is on my Dad, Aunt, & Grandad, and they are taking good care to make sure things are handled. I just wanted to see what advice I could find here that I could pass along to them.
Posted on 9/13/17 at 1:47 pm to Roll Tide Ravens
I just went through this with my mom. It took forever to get her car from her and then she started walking. We managed to get her to accept help with the housework and then it evolved to sitters. She fell and broke her arm on Memorial Day and went into the hospital. They would not release her to live alone so we tried at home care but after spending $8000 in 4 weeks, we placed her in a skilled unit at a nursing facility. Told her the doctors ordered it. Then from there, I drove her to a group home for Alzheimers patients and she just accepted it. It was the weirdest thing ever. At some point you have to accept the inevitable. And sadly, they forget quickly. It is heartbreaking and yet so common now. Good luck to you.
Posted on 9/13/17 at 2:01 pm to Roll Tide Ravens
I'm praying for you. Going through the exact same thing. This is my second round.
Posted on 9/13/17 at 2:10 pm to fjlee90
quote:
I'm praying for you. Going through the exact same thing. This is my second round.
Thank you, and the same to you.
Posted on 9/13/17 at 2:27 pm to Roll Tide Ravens
It's sad but she has essentially become a child again. Be led by the husband. What does he say about all of this?
He will have to be the one to sign. We have an aunt that is going down this road and her mindset now is that if it kills him taking care of her it was meant to be.
She had a fall and head bleed though and is now in a NH.
It's difficult. A family matriarch becomes a little crabby child dictator.
Anonymous APS report? APS is not just there to snatch up people and arrest folks for neglect. They may have resources to help you.
Ideally it was mentioned that a family member helps or lives with them. Many try but this is a MASSIVE undertaking. It is exactly like having a toddler, but they will become more instead of less dependent.
He will have to be the one to sign. We have an aunt that is going down this road and her mindset now is that if it kills him taking care of her it was meant to be.
She had a fall and head bleed though and is now in a NH.
It's difficult. A family matriarch becomes a little crabby child dictator.
Anonymous APS report? APS is not just there to snatch up people and arrest folks for neglect. They may have resources to help you.
Ideally it was mentioned that a family member helps or lives with them. Many try but this is a MASSIVE undertaking. It is exactly like having a toddler, but they will become more instead of less dependent.
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