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Rate my short horror story 1-10

Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:35 pm
Posted by diddlydawg7
2x Best Poster Elite 8 (2x Sweet 16
Member since Oct 2017
27699 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:35 pm
I wrote this in 20 minutes and was kind of proud of myself considering the lack of time I put into it. Be honest, how did I do?

ETA: Please excuse the cliche first sentence. That phrase was the prompt for the story and it is required.



It was a dark and stormy night. The lively sounds of the village died down as the rain fell and the villagers retired for the night. The village and its people may have been considered a bit odd to an outsider. There was a nightly custom in this village. As the villagers left the tavern and went into their cottages, they made sure to douse their welcome mat with a cup of vinegar. Nobody knows why they do this, not even the villagers. Their mothers and fathers always told them to douse the mat with vinegar and to not leave the cottage until the sun came up. When they asked why, the adults told them that their mothers and fathers had said the same.

As the villagers were settling in for the night, a weary traveler arrived in the town on horseback. The traveler was not familiar with the village. He hitched his horse and stumbled into the tavern to find it was empty. There was no one to buy a room from, so the traveler checked behind the desk. He grabbed the key to cottage #13 and grabbed an ale from the bar and left a few coins on the desk for them in the morning. As he crossed the street looking for cottage #13, the traveler was deep in thought, wondering why there were no people around or carriages on the road. He found all this very curious but tried to not let his mind wander. After all, he’d only be here for one night, and he was just passing through. The traveler fit the rusty key into the door of the cottage and walked through the door. As he entered, he noticed a bucket of water right by the door frame. The traveler spread his coat across the bed and stripped off his only set of clothes. He grabbed a towel and the bucket of water and headed for the bathtub in the corner of the room. He wet the towel and was about to apply it to his hair when his nose caught a whiff and he realized the substance in the bucket was actually vinegar. Bewildered, he got out of the tub and decided to go to sleep before the night got any stranger. As he was falling asleep, he thought about how odd it was that there were no windows in the small cottage. “Oh well, at least I can sleep in.” he thought as he closed his eyes.

The next morning, a young girl named Mary opened up the tavern. She was fifteen years old and had been essentially running the tavern since her boss, Mr. Bell, had gone to France for business. She immediately noticed the coins on the desk. She checked behind the desk and found the key to cottage #13 was missing. She knew it had to be Mr. Adams. For the last several months, Henry Adams had been sneaking around with other women behind his wife’s back and had been using the cottage’s owned by the tavern. Irritated, Mary walked across the street and knocked on the door to the cottage multiple times. There was no response. Even more exasperated, Mary pulled a master key from her pocket and slowly opened the door. She screamed. There was blood stained all over the walls, floor and bed. All that was left of the weary traveler was an entire skeleton of bones on the bed. The police were called in and of course, they could not identify the man. None of the villagers were missing. The only clue they found in the cottage was a tiny trail of yellow slime on the rug. To this day, the villagers still didn’t know why they pour vinegar on their mats, but every single one made sure to use a full bucket that following night.



ETA: Give me all the downvotes. I’m proud of my story
This post was edited on 10/27/20 at 10:07 pm
Posted by Kafka
I am the moral conscience of TD
Member since Jul 2007
142072 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:37 pm to
quote:

Rate my short horror story
Mingo unbanned
quote:

Shortest horror story ever
Posted by LSUWoodworker
St George "God's Country "
Member since Dec 2007
18559 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:39 pm to
So a horror story about villagers and vinegar douches Rating 2
Posted by upgrayedd
Lifting at Tobin's house
Member since Mar 2013
134865 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:39 pm to
Could you use the term village/villagers a little more? It wasn't clear where this took place.
Posted by Sir Drinksalot
Member since Aug 2005
16745 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:40 pm to
Awful.

Ending sucked.

I expected a dinosaur.
Posted by diddlydawg7
2x Best Poster Elite 8 (2x Sweet 16
Member since Oct 2017
27699 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:40 pm to
quote:

So a horror story about villagers and vinegar douches Rating 2


I will take a 2/10 considering I spent 20 minutes on it
Posted by diddlydawg7
2x Best Poster Elite 8 (2x Sweet 16
Member since Oct 2017
27699 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:41 pm to
quote:

Could you use the term village/villagers a little more? It wasn't clear where this took place.


Well duh. I did that on purpose. Real places make it less creepy.
Posted by Kafka
I am the moral conscience of TD
Member since Jul 2007
142072 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:42 pm to
quote:

I wrote this in 20 minutes and was kind of proud of myself considering the lack of time I put into it
as Tolstoy said, an artist's greatest work is always done in a hurry
Posted by avondale88
Montgomery
Member since May 2009
2634 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:42 pm to
I'm mot going to rate the story but I like it. The story had my interest the whole time I was reading it.
Posted by diddlydawg7
2x Best Poster Elite 8 (2x Sweet 16
Member since Oct 2017
27699 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:42 pm to
quote:

Kafka


A true renaissance man of TD
Posted by pioneerbasketball
Team Bunchie
Member since Oct 2005
132408 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:42 pm to
Upvote for team bunchies
Posted by ZZTIGERS
Member since Dec 2007
17092 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:43 pm to
quote:

Shortest horror story ever


Knock(1948)

“The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door ...”
This post was edited on 10/27/20 at 9:44 pm
Posted by LSUWoodworker
St George "God's Country "
Member since Dec 2007
18559 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:43 pm to
Are the villagers nude? Are we talking pacific Island villagers or Congo villagers?
Posted by Kafka
I am the moral conscience of TD
Member since Jul 2007
142072 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:45 pm to
mine was only two words, retard
Posted by Witecoco
Metairie
Member since Jan 2009
1246 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:49 pm to
Killer slug, eh?
Posted by bird35
Georgia
Member since Sep 2012
12201 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:49 pm to
Pretty, pretty good story.

Posted by Booyow
Member since Mar 2010
4000 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:51 pm to
quote:

young girl named Mary


Pics?

quote:

She was fifteen years old


frick, nevermind
Posted by mmmmmbeeer
ATL
Member since Nov 2014
7432 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:52 pm to
Appreciate the effort, I guess, but this was pretty bad. In fact, you earned my downvote the moment I realized the first 7 words of your horror story were, "It was a dark and stormy night". I mean, really? You don't think that's jjuuusssttt a bit cliche?
Posted by soccerfüt
Location: A Series of Tubes
Member since May 2013
65751 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:53 pm to
I read that as if Larry Munson were speaking it to me.

And it sucked like the UGA sports he was sentenced to call.

And like this horrific What-cha-ma-call-it Link speech Munson wrote and delivered.

Just with vinegar.
Posted by East Coast Band
Member since Nov 2010
62816 posts
Posted on 10/27/20 at 9:54 pm to
quote:

He wet the towel and was about to apply it to his hair 

Overall, a fairly good written tale, but I don't think the use of "about to..." is the best literary verbage to use here.
And "fixing to..." isn't any better. LoL
This post was edited on 10/27/20 at 9:55 pm
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