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Started By
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re: Posters that have lost multiple parents (yours or in-laws)... a question
Posted on 4/15/25 at 12:01 am to concrete_tiger
Posted on 4/15/25 at 12:01 am to concrete_tiger
quote:Hopefully that planning included an irrevocable trust to shield the money from the government/nursing homes. Do you or your wife have any siblings? If you don't and you don't have a trust in place, you need to get in that now. (There's a 5 year lookback window and the clock doesn't start until the trust is in place.)
All of our folks have done a good job of estate planning and making their wishes well-known and documented.
...
I feel like their finances are buttoned up and documented, and we already have power of attorney.
The trust for my dad was done after he and my aunt settled my grandparent's estate. I'm an only child so I elected for him to set it up skipping me as a beneficiary so it goes right to my 2 sons without having to draw up my own trust. On paper he pays $1/mo rent and is responsible for the taxes (which he gets from renting the farm land).
My in-laws...they're poor. My brother-in-law is not in the picture and the estate planning from her mom's mindset is "make sure your brother and stepdad are taken care of if I go first". The small lot is worth more than the house it sits on (like the secluded shacks you see in the mountains) so it'll be bulldozed and sold when they're gone.
My point is that it completely relies on financial pictures and if what needs to be protected is worth the cost of protecting it. I like to think that most of our grandparents, who lived through the depression, set a good example for future generations.
0
Posted on 4/15/25 at 12:56 am to concrete_tiger
My dad was about 1/2 way through when he passed.
Posted on 4/15/25 at 6:33 am to chryso
How many companies write long term care policies any longer? How much do they cost?
Posted on 4/15/25 at 6:35 am to real turf fan
quote:At what age should one start doing this? What happens if you're giving all of this to your heirs but you keep on living? Are they kicking it back to you to some degree?
Do they know they can give thousands to their heirs each year without taxes being assessed
Posted on 4/15/25 at 6:36 am to chryso
quote:this
you think any of them will need long term care you should start moving assets out of their names asap.
There are laws that will screw you if you wait too long. You can't move their assets 6 months before putting them into a facility.
Do it now. There's no downside.
Posted on 4/15/25 at 6:40 am to Purplehaze
quote:If the Poli Board were a cemetery.
Burial just means you are stuck next to someone that might not have liked in real life and I do not want to be stuck near some a-hole for eternity.
My parents wanted to be buried together in a VA cemetery.
I think of their “neighbors” there who are strangers with only a single commonality.
Some interpretation of it could make for an interesting book or movie.
Posted on 4/15/25 at 8:59 am to concrete_tiger
Make sure their tax returns are being submitted each year. My father passed last June. He hadn’t filed taxes in five years. My sister is the executor and is still trying to get this straightened out. The penalties and interest are huge.
Posted on 4/15/25 at 11:26 am to concrete_tiger
quote:
My question is, what are the things you WISH you had done or known in advance of this moment?
Ask them to write down (or make a video) recipe of any dishes you really like.
Also all those pictures they have in their house, ask them to write who those people are, where the picture was taken etc.
Write down any family stories or history they can recall.
Spend as much time with them or talking to them as you can.
I lost both of my parents in 2007 (84 days apart) to cancer, both were 72. My father died of melanoma and my mother of mesothelioma. Cancer sucks and killed them way too young.
Posted on 4/15/25 at 11:32 am to TheOldMan
I asked ChatGPT to summarize this thread, and also asked it to provide insights from experts on the interwebs:
Top Takeaways from the Online Conversation (Crowdsourced Advice):
+Get all documents and passwords organized now. Include wills, account logins, medical records, insurance policies, deeds, and lists of bills.
+Add yourself to bank accounts. A joint account can help you access funds immediately for expenses like funerals.
+Move assets early if long-term care may be needed. Medicaid has a 5-year lookback; early planning can protect inheritance.
+Create legal documents. This includes a will, power of attorney, and medical directive/living will.
+Discuss and document final wishes. Burial vs. cremation, type of service, items to be buried with, who to notify, etc.
+Purge unnecessary stuff now. Encourage downsizing to avoid a mountain of work and potential family conflict later.
+Get multiple copies of the death certificate. You'll need them for everything—from closing accounts to transferring titles.
+Talk about sentimental items. Avoid fights by having your parents specify who gets what—preferably in writing or on video.
+Pre-pay funeral or cremation if possible. Eases burden and avoids predatory upselling during grief.
+Capture family stories. Film or record your parents sharing history, memories, and advice. It becomes priceless later.
Additional Expert-Backed Recommendations (Professional Guidance):
+Consult an elder law attorney. Especially if there are substantial assets, blended families, or special medical considerations.
+Consider long-term care insurance. If they don’t already have it, investigate options to cover high elder care costs.
+Establish a revocable or irrevocable trust. Can help avoid probate, ensure privacy, and reduce estate taxes.
+Update beneficiary designations. These override wills—check them for all retirement, life insurance, and bank accounts.
+Keep filing taxes up to date. Unfiled returns can delay estate resolution and trigger penalties.
+Track gifts to heirs. Parents can give up to $18,000 (2024 limit) per person per year without triggering gift taxes.
+Secure digital assets. Include Apple ID, Google accounts, cloud storage, and social media—often overlooked.
+Prepare for pet care. Have a plan for what happens to their pets if they pass or become unable to care for them.
+Create a home maintenance log. Details about HVAC, plumbing, septic, roof, etc., can ease home sale or inheritance.
+Document health insurance and supplemental coverage. Especially policies like Medicare Advantage or hospital gap coverage.
Top Takeaways from the Online Conversation (Crowdsourced Advice):
+Get all documents and passwords organized now. Include wills, account logins, medical records, insurance policies, deeds, and lists of bills.
+Add yourself to bank accounts. A joint account can help you access funds immediately for expenses like funerals.
+Move assets early if long-term care may be needed. Medicaid has a 5-year lookback; early planning can protect inheritance.
+Create legal documents. This includes a will, power of attorney, and medical directive/living will.
+Discuss and document final wishes. Burial vs. cremation, type of service, items to be buried with, who to notify, etc.
+Purge unnecessary stuff now. Encourage downsizing to avoid a mountain of work and potential family conflict later.
+Get multiple copies of the death certificate. You'll need them for everything—from closing accounts to transferring titles.
+Talk about sentimental items. Avoid fights by having your parents specify who gets what—preferably in writing or on video.
+Pre-pay funeral or cremation if possible. Eases burden and avoids predatory upselling during grief.
+Capture family stories. Film or record your parents sharing history, memories, and advice. It becomes priceless later.
Additional Expert-Backed Recommendations (Professional Guidance):
+Consult an elder law attorney. Especially if there are substantial assets, blended families, or special medical considerations.
+Consider long-term care insurance. If they don’t already have it, investigate options to cover high elder care costs.
+Establish a revocable or irrevocable trust. Can help avoid probate, ensure privacy, and reduce estate taxes.
+Update beneficiary designations. These override wills—check them for all retirement, life insurance, and bank accounts.
+Keep filing taxes up to date. Unfiled returns can delay estate resolution and trigger penalties.
+Track gifts to heirs. Parents can give up to $18,000 (2024 limit) per person per year without triggering gift taxes.
+Secure digital assets. Include Apple ID, Google accounts, cloud storage, and social media—often overlooked.
+Prepare for pet care. Have a plan for what happens to their pets if they pass or become unable to care for them.
+Create a home maintenance log. Details about HVAC, plumbing, septic, roof, etc., can ease home sale or inheritance.
+Document health insurance and supplemental coverage. Especially policies like Medicare Advantage or hospital gap coverage.
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