PETA: Eating Chicken Will Make Your Kid’s Penis Small

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PETA’s strategy has always been simple: get people to stop eating meat, wearing fur, and keeping non-domesticated animals as pets. By. Any. Means. Necessary. If that means making the issue about sex, fine. If that means showing you violent videos, or bringing vegan jerky to the Oregon militia, great! And if it means letting you know that your child’s (or future child’s) tiny penis is due to all that chicken you ate on Super Bowl Sunday, well, they’ll do that too. Even if it means that you’ll feel bad about yourself, your body, and your male offspring’s future potential as a sex partner. (Although, it’s always important to remember that bigger is not always better.)

Vice reports that while the organization’s campaign video–which begins with an image of a child crying, presumably because his dick is too small–is making some bold claims, their information is linked to the fact that phthalate (which are chemicals used to soften plastic to make it harder to break and can be found everywhere including tap water and the air we breathe) are also present in chicken feed and therefore in the chicken that you’re eating. And while there’s no definitive proof that eating chicken will shrink your baby’s bell-end they’ve got an NIH study to back up the notion that there may be a correlation between “pre-natal phthalate ingestion” and the “penis size of Swedish boys.” (A sentence I never imagined I’d ever write, but here we are) (Thanks, PETA!)

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