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re: OTs response would be...

Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:50 am to
Posted by BamaScoop
Panama City Beach, Florida
Member since May 2007
56827 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:50 am to
Sorry for the loss of your father. I will say this, if the insurance policy is a burial policy then it is for the funeral and should be used for that. It is not your responsibility to pay for that in my opinion. Not sure what your relationship is with this woman but in my opinion it is a very selfish thing she is asking.

Look at it this way from the outside perspective. This is me looking at this with no feelings attached because I know none of you.

She is asking children to bury their father so she can fix her house up. To me that is about as selfish as anything I have ever heard in my life.
Posted by CAT
Central Arkansas
Member since Aug 2006
7351 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:51 am to
* They'd been together 20 years
* Yes, bad planning, your typical day to day type folks
* I'm 42, her kids are close to that and no not by my dad.
* Think her plan is to finish the house, sell and move closer to her kids
* I get along but wouldn't call close, of course closer last few months as he was battling the cancer
Posted by 19
Flux Capacitor, Fluxing
Member since Nov 2007
35690 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:51 am to
Tell that bitch the ins money is to bury your father.
Period.

She can wait and finish the house out of the estate settlement.
Posted by upgrayedd
Lifting at Tobin's house
Member since Mar 2013
139229 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:52 am to
quote:

She is asking children to bury their father so she can fix her house up. To me that is about as selfish as anything I have ever heard in my life.

That's a pretty good perspective.
Posted by crap4brain
Louisiana
Member since Sep 2004
2694 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:52 am to
Are you going to inherit the house when she dies, or will it go to her sons, or all of you?
Posted by kook
Berrytown
Member since Sep 2013
2159 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:53 am to
from my recent experience of losing my Mom, do what you feel is right. It won't be long before all the family "support" vanishes. Once my Mom passed, I saw many family member's true colors. Needless to say, I've distanced myself from them. Sorry for your loss.
Posted by fr33manator
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
135036 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:53 am to
OT not even asking for pics of widow...


Slipping
Posted by Barf
EBR
Member since Feb 2015
3727 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:54 am to
That's shitty of her but it gives you some leverage.

If she truly needs the money to finish he house, do this..

Deny to cover funeral cost, this is why your father purchased insurance in the fist place. Offer to put up the cash to finish the remodel and negotiate a rate for the loan so when the house is sold you profit.

What you do with the profits are your business.
Posted by BamaScoop
Panama City Beach, Florida
Member since May 2007
56827 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:55 am to
Here is another option. If the house is paid for, tell her you will do that for 1/4 interest in the house. If she agrees have the paperwork done by an attorney, don't just shake hands on a damn thing. That would be my only option to her.
Posted by Rouge
Floston Paradise
Member since Oct 2004
138856 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:56 am to
quote:

Think her plan is to finish the house, sell and move closer to her kids


get contract to reimburse you 100% upon sale of house

that puts the ball back in her court
Posted by Boudreaux35
BR
Member since Sep 2007
22281 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:56 am to
quote:

just politely ask "Ummm....i thought the insurance was for funeral costs? That doesn't seem right that you're using it for the house.".


I agree with the above.

And when she tries to push it, tell her that the little extra you had saved up was for vacation.

She isn't your mom so you don't have to feel sorry for her.
Posted by CAT
Central Arkansas
Member since Aug 2006
7351 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:57 am to
quote:

Are you going to inherit the house when she dies, or will it go to her sons, or all of you?




No, this house was bought right before Dad got sick. House was moved to the land (that should tell you something) and she ended up having to hire workers to finish plumbing/heat and air etc and got took in my opinion. I live 2 hours away and couldn't help much with that situation.
Posted by Topwater Trout
Red Stick
Member since Oct 2010
70178 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 11:57 am to
How much is the funeral?

She sounds trashy as hell to ask that if...

quote:

They got the small policy to take care of things if/when he passed.


Posted by Kingwood Tiger
Katy, TX
Member since Jul 2005
14162 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 12:01 pm to
Sorry for the loss of your dad.

I would tell her that the insurance money should be used to help with burial expenses. Anything leftover she could have. And then she should just sell the house and get whatever she can out of it and be done with it.
Posted by Peazey
Metry
Member since Apr 2012
25428 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 12:05 pm to
So your Dad had an insurance policy, and she is using the proceeds on a house remodel instead of putting it towards the funeral? Yes, that's pretty fricked. You are justified in thinking so. Offsetting funeral expenses is one of the main purposes of life insurance. You are handling it right though. No point in rocking the boat if it is something that you can handle financially.

I'm sorry for your loss.
Posted by 13SaintTiger
Isle of Capri
Member since Sep 2011
18419 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 12:06 pm to
quote:

* They'd been together 20 years
* Yes, bad planning, your typical day to day type folks
* I'm 42, her kids are close to that and no not by my dad.
* Think her plan is to finish the house, sell and move closer to her kids
* I get along but wouldn't call close, of course closer last few months as he was battling the cancer


This kind of changes things. Many people will give their opinions without having perspective of the situation, not knowing how truly difficult of a solution it is. With the information above all I can say is do what you think is right. Talk with her face to face and try to see her intentions (good or bad). Weigh the positives and negatives of the situation as well, and an alternative solution.
Posted by Old Sarge
Dean of Admissions, LSU
Member since Jan 2012
63519 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 12:08 pm to
Sorry about the loss of your father.


How many years has she been your stepmom?
Do you feel like you have a relationship with her?
How old is she? 70's? 60's?

How much money are we talking about? 2,000? or 10,000?
Posted by BobABooey
Parts Unknown
Member since Oct 2004
16213 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 12:10 pm to
Did his wife make your Dad happy?
How much money are we talking about?

If it was a modest amount and she made my dad happy while he was alive, I'd pay it and move on.

Sorry to hear about your dad.
Posted by Rouge
Floston Paradise
Member since Oct 2004
138856 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 12:12 pm to
quote:

How many years has she been your stepmom?
read the thread

quote:

Do you feel like you have a relationship with her?
read the thread

quote:

How much money are we talking about? 2,000? or 10,000?
typical funeral is 7-10K. to split three ways, looks like she is asking for $2500-$3500
Posted by Old Sarge
Dean of Admissions, LSU
Member since Jan 2012
63519 posts
Posted on 12/9/15 at 12:12 pm to
quote:

If it was a modest amount and she made my dad happy while he was alive, I'd pay it and move on.



This is where I would be as well.
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