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re: OT dating Advice for a widower
Posted on 6/14/16 at 2:49 pm to BlackAdam
Posted on 6/14/16 at 2:49 pm to BlackAdam
quote:
when I go out my kids will either be at their grandparent's or an aunt and uncle's house. If I leave the family pictures up (which I intend to) will that be creepy as hell?
No. It is your house. Have whatever you want up. Might even make the women fall over with their feet in the air. Unless you have a tooth growing out of your neck, this should be like shooting fish in a barrel.
0
Posted on 6/14/16 at 2:51 pm to madmaxvol
quote:
My friend's wife passed away from cancer just over a year ago, and he is going through the same thing.
He wouldn't happen to be black and named Adam would he?
Posted on 6/14/16 at 2:52 pm to BlackAdam
I went through this a little over a year ago. My wife of 7 years passed away about 2.5 years ago.
You think you are ready and you very well may be, but things will sneak up on you. It's impossible to prepare for but the little things you never think of can creep up and surprise. Try to avoid certain things like going to places you and your wife frequented. You just don't know how you'll react being there with someone else.
Call back times... Do whatever you want.If you like the woman and want to talk to her, then call her. You don't want to mess with any immature woman that is willing to play stupid games.
Family pictures... If they bother her, tell her to hit the road. Your children have every right to see pictures of their mother hanging up in their home. I've been dating a woman for about 10 months now and she hasn't complained about the pictures once. Having a wedding photo up could be a gray area. If you are dating, maybe you don't need a picture of your wedding displayed in your living room.
Don't worry about age. Date who you want.
As for you guys saying that he could crush it as a widower, you all are completely right. If he wants to play the field and string a bunch of women along, it wouldn't be hard. I could have gotten so much more than I have (stupid fricking morals).
You think you are ready and you very well may be, but things will sneak up on you. It's impossible to prepare for but the little things you never think of can creep up and surprise. Try to avoid certain things like going to places you and your wife frequented. You just don't know how you'll react being there with someone else.
Call back times... Do whatever you want.If you like the woman and want to talk to her, then call her. You don't want to mess with any immature woman that is willing to play stupid games.
Family pictures... If they bother her, tell her to hit the road. Your children have every right to see pictures of their mother hanging up in their home. I've been dating a woman for about 10 months now and she hasn't complained about the pictures once. Having a wedding photo up could be a gray area. If you are dating, maybe you don't need a picture of your wedding displayed in your living room.
Don't worry about age. Date who you want.
As for you guys saying that he could crush it as a widower, you all are completely right. If he wants to play the field and string a bunch of women along, it wouldn't be hard. I could have gotten so much more than I have (stupid fricking morals).
Posted on 6/14/16 at 2:57 pm to BlackAdam
My wife died 2 1/2 years ago. I had all these preconceived notions about how long, how old, what qualities. Forget it all. Do what comes naturally. It will be very hard at first and if you get serious the girl will always feel compared by you, your kids, your wife's family, your family, and your community in general. If she's worth it, deal with it I think it's understandable.
Watch out for the crazys. Assuming you're normal; they will come out of the wood work for yiu.
FWIW I have been dating someone for a year and half and she is way younger than the age I had in mind. She is awesome.
Watch out for the crazys. Assuming you're normal; they will come out of the wood work for yiu.
FWIW I have been dating someone for a year and half and she is way younger than the age I had in mind. She is awesome.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 2:58 pm to BlackAdam
Pics of these prospects. Then I will answer your questions.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 3:04 pm to terriblegreen
Don't count it out either.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 3:05 pm to TheDude
quote:
OT dating Advice for a widower
I went through this a little over a year ago. My wife of 7 years passed away about 2.5 years ago.
You think you are ready and you very well may be, but things will sneak up on you. It's impossible to prepare for but the little things you never think of can creep up and surprise. Try to avoid certain things like going to places you and your wife frequented. You just don't know how you'll react being there with someone else.
Call back times... Do whatever you want.If you like the woman and want to talk to her, then call her. You don't want to mess with any immature woman that is willing to play stupid games.
Family pictures... If they bother her, tell her to hit the road. Your children have every right to see pictures of their mother hanging up in their home. I've been dating a woman for about 10 months now and she hasn't complained about the pictures once. Having a wedding photo up could be a gray area. If you are dating, maybe you don't need a picture of your wedding displayed in your living room.
Don't worry about age. Date who you want.
As for you guys saying that he could crush it as a widower, you all are completely right. If he wants to play the field and string a bunch of women along, it wouldn't be hard. I could have gotten so much more than I have (stupid fricking morals).
This all sounds about right. I am trying to decide if I am really ready or just ready because its been a while. I don't see how I could actually bed a series of women just due to the practicality of protecting the kids.
I have had one date, but I ended up talking about my wife a lot and I am pretty sure I depressed the hell out of the girl. I'm trying to avoid doing that again.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 3:33 pm to BlackAdam
quote:
This all sounds about right. I am trying to decide if I am really ready or just ready because its been a while. I don't see how I could actually bed a series of women just due to the practicality of protecting the kids.
I have had one date, but I ended up talking about my wife a lot and I am pretty sure I depressed the hell out of the girl. I'm trying to avoid doing that again.
It isn't easy but if you genuinely want to start dating, you need to try to avoid talking so much about your wife. Especially in the first few dates. If it turns into a real relationship she will need to understand that your wife will randomly come up in conversation. She was a gigantic part of your life and you can't be expected to completely avoid talking about her. It is a strange and very fine line you are trying to walk.
I'll also reiterate what someone else said. Be picky. Sure, meet a few women and continue dating one if you like her. Just make sure you aren't settling out of loneliness. Before my current girlfriend, I dated another woman and I know now that I stayed with her for a couple months for the wrong reasons. She was a nice girl and treated me well, but when I took a step back and really looked at the situation, I didn't ever see myself staying with her. I was there out of loneliness and that was a really messed up thing for me to do.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 3:34 pm to BlackAdam
quote:
I have had one date, but I ended up talking about my wife a lot and I am pretty sure I depressed the hell out of the girl. I'm trying to avoid doing that again.
Think before you speak, my friend.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 3:37 pm to LSUBoo
quote:
My friend's wife passed away from cancer just over a year ago, and he is going through the same thing.
quote:
He wouldn't happen to be black and named Adam would he?
Nope...white and named Ray. Crap...Cancer takes so many people. It freakin' sucks.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 3:50 pm to TheDude
quote:
As for you guys saying that he could crush it as a widower, you all are completely right. If he wants to play the field and string a bunch of women along, it wouldn't be hard. I could have gotten so much more than I have (stupid fricking morals).
A buddies wife died of breast cancer. He has lived all of this. He slays poon and then feels guilty about it. Which the OP may fall into that trap. Another guy on here spoke about thing "sneaking up".
It is a horrible scenario and a horrible cause and effect that your story will make women damn near helpless. But realize you didn't make this bad scenario happen. Your wife passed. You have to live. And if that means living like you did before you met your wife? so be it. Exposing your kids to several women is of course messed up, but living like a 22 year old bachelor again? It may happen.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 4:21 pm to Fun Bunch
quote:
And keep these broads away from your kids until long into the relationship. You don't want them getting confused or attached.
Solid advise right there, not from my own personal experiences but from that of a co-worker.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 4:29 pm to BlackAdam
BlackAdam,
I went through the same thing five years ago. Starting over after my wife passed away.
My advice to you is not to worry so much about little things and details like whether it's appropriate to have pictures of your wife in the house, or the rule of three, or the half your age plus 7 thing. Just focus on who you are and where you are in life now, and realize that whoever you wind up with, it will be different than it was before with your wife. That's not a bad thing at all.
You will probably have a lot of first dates. I found that dating as a widower... the women keep you at a distance for a little while. I would expect that. Like it or not, there is a bit of stigma there. Some women can't handle it.
But if you find a good one, like I did... you may turn out happier than before, which I am. I am happier than I've ever been in my life right now, and you can be, too.
I went through the same thing five years ago. Starting over after my wife passed away.
My advice to you is not to worry so much about little things and details like whether it's appropriate to have pictures of your wife in the house, or the rule of three, or the half your age plus 7 thing. Just focus on who you are and where you are in life now, and realize that whoever you wind up with, it will be different than it was before with your wife. That's not a bad thing at all.
You will probably have a lot of first dates. I found that dating as a widower... the women keep you at a distance for a little while. I would expect that. Like it or not, there is a bit of stigma there. Some women can't handle it.
But if you find a good one, like I did... you may turn out happier than before, which I am. I am happier than I've ever been in my life right now, and you can be, too.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 4:56 pm to SpqrTiger
That is cool to hear, but hard to imagine.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 5:21 pm to BlackAdam
It's entirely possible that your best years are still to come, my friend. Don't put a timeline or any expectations on it. Just be who you are, be a good father. The rest will fall into place when it's time for it.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 5:27 pm to BlackAdam
Man, I would start off with just doing lunch deals with the ones I liked.
Get the social anxiety out of the way in a informal situation then if you click, do a date a bit later.
It'll be odd at first, but it will all come back pretty quickly.
I wouldn't do too many simultaneously, just keep it serial.
For the kids' sake avoid making intros until you're pretty sure one is gonna stick around for awhile.
Good luck and God bless.
Get the social anxiety out of the way in a informal situation then if you click, do a date a bit later.
It'll be odd at first, but it will all come back pretty quickly.
I wouldn't do too many simultaneously, just keep it serial.
For the kids' sake avoid making intros until you're pretty sure one is gonna stick around for awhile.
Good luck and God bless.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 5:31 pm to BlackAdam
I've tried all the dating sites and it's almost impossible to find a man on them that's acceptable. If their pic is decent they always turn out to be creepers.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 5:32 pm to CallMeCaitlyn
Posted on 6/14/16 at 5:37 pm to CallMeCaitlyn
Stand a little closer to the razor, honey.
Posted on 6/14/16 at 5:41 pm to Cosmo
Whatever you do, don't get remarried until you have dated someone for at least 5 years. Most women are just trying to get their claws on you. A lot I date make me feel like they are trying to suck me down a blackhole. Never surrender, until they prove very worthy and can reciprocate something to the table other than their vagina. Be careful and have fun. There won't be an easy replacement for your wife, and sorry for your loss.
This post was edited on 6/14/16 at 5:43 pm
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