re: Ok, what pretentious poster is this?

“Dear neighbor,

I’m sorry. You are right, I am wrong. I will move my family immediately.

I will sell my home to a my coworker, he’s a warehouse clerk who loves the neighborhood. His name is La’Darious, he has 5 kids, but none of them live with him (and I doubt they’re the soccer type)

Sincerely, your neighbor “

As a parent, I believe my next action would be to grab the soccer ball and have a little fun myself.

OP you should fight this guy

So Mr. Smith obviously is not a very successful lawyer and sucks at life. If the letter itself didn't sell you on how big of a cheap kid-hating douche this guy is, the fact that he fenced in his entire front yard in a regular subdivision with cheap aluminum will remove all doubt. I would never move next to anyone who had a fenced in front yard because they are guaranteed to be shitty neighbors.

If I were Elizabeth, I would write him a letter back saying,

Dear Mr. Smith,

First let me just say that your fence is amazing and thank you so much for welcoming us to the neighborhood, neighbor. Secondly, I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with financial stress and I cannot apologize enough for my kids actions that must be making things even worse for you. Enclosed you will find a check for $200 dollars, which appears to be both the value of a fence panel and the value you have for us neighbors. Please feel free to use this money however you need and know that we will not ask for receipts if you decide to use the money on something other than a fence panel. Also, I've already video documented the existing condition of your fence and would ask indefensible evidence of any future actions by my family that directly resulted in further damage to your fence before we pay you any more money. As tough as times might be for you, we just want to be sure that you don't see us as a piggy bank to exploit for your financial gain. Surely you understand.

Looking forward to being great neighbors as we plan on staying here for a long time and thank you again for the warm welcome!