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re: Moving in with SO

Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:26 am to
Posted by GreatLakesTiger24
Member since May 2012
61590 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:26 am to
The same breed of trashballs who were getting divorces in the 80s, 90s, and 00s don’t get married now. It impacts the numbers.
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86729 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:26 am to
quote:

This, if you don’t get married, you can’t get divorced


and you also don't affect the divorce rate
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86729 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:27 am to
quote:

The same breed of trashballs who were getting divorces in the 80s, 90s, and 00s don’t get married now. It impacts the numbers.


there you go

now if these people are trashballs, wouldn't it still be better for them to not get married and then divorce?

Posted by TH03
Mogadishu
Member since Dec 2008
172004 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:28 am to
quote:

The same breed of trashballs who were getting divorces in the 80s, 90s, and 00s don’t get married now. It impacts the numbers.



Which is a net positive and exactly what in getting at. If they live together and find themselves incompatible, they break up instead of getting married then moving in and realizing their life sucks now.
Posted by GreatLakesTiger24
Member since May 2012
61590 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:31 am to
quote:

wouldn't it still be better for them to not get married and then divorce?
I don’t think I agree at all. A divorce between parents probably sets a better example than mom and dad just “breaking up”
Posted by TH03
Mogadishu
Member since Dec 2008
172004 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:32 am to
quote:


I don’t think I agree at all. A divorce between parents probably sets a better example than mom and dad just “breaking up”


Why are we automatically calling everyone in this situation parents?
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86729 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:33 am to
quote:

I don’t think I agree at all. A divorce between parents probably sets a better example than mom and dad just “breaking up”


considering just how much of a burden divorce is on relationships, I don't think this is true at all

you have had some incredibly bad takes this week



Posted by Phate
Baton Rouge
Member since Mar 2006
11848 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:34 am to
A few months before we got married.
Posted by GreatLakesTiger24
Member since May 2012
61590 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:37 am to
Gen “family values” Y out here killing it

Posted by BayBengal9
Bay St. Louis, MS
Member since Nov 2019
4171 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:41 am to
Waited until we were married... for the whole deal.

Cohabitation prior to marriage increases the likelihood of divorce. There are some psychological and practical realities leading to that...

Millenials are getting divorced at lower rates because they are waiting so long to get married, not because they are cohabitating prior to marriage. When a woman waits until 30-32 years old to get married, a few things occur:
1) She's generally more mature and realistic about marriage.
2) She's ready to pop out a kid.
3) Her "marriage stock" is declining... (i.e. in another few years she will have significantly fewer choices on men to marry)

Regardless, a lower divorce rate is a good thing, but cohabitation prior to marriage results in a significant amount of societal problems (unwanted pregnancies, lack of social/familial cohesion, and a breakdown of traditional parental "roles")
Posted by GreatLakesTiger24
Member since May 2012
61590 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:42 am to
^ gets it
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
89397 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:43 am to
quote:

Cohabitation prior to marriage increases the likelihood of divorce. There are some psychological and practical realities leading to that...


Link to stats?

quote:

When a woman waits until 30-32 years old to get married,


Link to this as well.
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86729 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:45 am to
quote:

Millenials are getting divorced at lower rates because they are waiting so long to get married, not because they are cohabitating prior to marriage.


you are going to have to show some data to back this up

quote:

but cohabitation prior to marriage results in a significant amount of societal problems (unwanted pregnancies, lack of social/familial cohesion, and a breakdown of traditional parental "roles")


if they are still getting married and with less divorce, I'm confused as to how this relates to these problems you listed
Posted by BayBengal9
Bay St. Louis, MS
Member since Nov 2019
4171 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:52 am to
Average age of marriage in US

Keep in mind this is heavily influenced by geography.

quote:

if they are still getting married and with less divorce, I'm confused as to how this relates to these problems you listed


Because cohabitation often results in children. Children being born out of wedlock have more negative outcomes across the board, in general when it comes to education, crime, and other relevant stats.

The one place I do give credit to millenials (of which I am one), is that I know many who are married and raising kids that are not their own and doing a very good job with it and are excellent parents... so perhaps in 15 to 20 years we'll see that it all washes out. I certainly pray that is the situation.
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86729 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:56 am to
quote:

Average age of marriage in US


yeah we know this

but I need data that says this is the primary reason why divorces rates are lower and it isn't a combination of cohabitation and increase in age

quote:

Because cohabitation often results in children. Children being born out of wedlock have more negative outcomes across the board, in general when it comes to education, crime, and other relevant stats.



I would like to see these stats for children born out of wedlock then the parents move on to get married

do you have those stats?



Posted by BayBengal9
Bay St. Louis, MS
Member since Nov 2019
4171 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 9:56 am to
Discussion of cohabitation prior to marriage

Something like that is very difficult to "study," due to the highly subjective nature of what constitutes a "good" or "bad" marriage, and even what the criteria of "cohabitation" should be... but I know it to be true, both anecdotally and psychologically.

It's a causality vs. causation thing... hard to tie many diverse points of data together to definitively point to a single explanation.
Posted by BayBengal9
Bay St. Louis, MS
Member since Nov 2019
4171 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 10:00 am to
Negative outcomes for children born out of wedlock

Links in the article to studies and government statistics.

ETA: Misunderstood the question.
This post was edited on 1/30/20 at 10:05 am
Posted by CitizenK
BR
Member since Aug 2019
16510 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 10:03 am to
If you move in with her, it will always be her place not yours. Doesn't matter who is paying the bills.
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
89397 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 10:04 am to
quote:

but I know it to be true, both anecdotally and psychologically.

Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86729 posts
Posted on 1/30/20 at 10:04 am to
quote:

Negative outcomes for children born out of wedlock

Links in the article to studies and government statistics.


Yeah again, that isn't what we are talking about here though

I'm fully aware of the negative outcomes of children born out of wedlock

quote:

It could be.


Ok. But that isn't what you said in your first post. You stated it as fact.
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