re: Missing Mandeville Woman Found Deceased off Elysian Fields

I would say loved ones are a lot of what they think about and they don't want to be a burden. Along with being tired of the struggle each day brings and unwilling to struggle any more.

But I'm no expert. Just an observer of past situations.

quote:

---

I get the feeling that she's ashamed to be depressed.

---

And this is a huge problem. People blame people for being depressed. It shouldn't be that way.
I've dealt with depression a lot in my life. There are days I have just feel overwhelmed and empty and sad.
It happens. We don't need to blame people or make them feel worse than they already do.
Life is more than sunshine and roses.

prayers sent up for this young lady and her family who are left with many questions unanswered. sad, sad, sad

quote:

---

Depression is a MFer.
It's a disease that twists and distorts things in such a way it can make one actually believe loved ones are better off without them.
It's hard to get your mind around how that can happen, but it does.

---

Well said and pretty spot on. Most of those suffering from depression or PTSD are afraid to open up and ask for help. They're embarrassed and often times self-medicate which sends them into further depression

Having worked in the mental health field, treatment for depression usually consists of closely monitored medication combined with individual/group counseling. The disease can be conquered yet it takes a cooperative patient and many times years of professional help

Is it most definitely a suicide at this point?

quote:

---

1) Does sympathy make it worse?

---

Depends on who it is coming from and in what context. I have cousins/friends that I'm not close with, who will try to sympathize, but it comes off as kind of empty or not heartfelt. If people make it seem like they're kind of looking down on me, then I don't like that. Like when I struggled with finding a major/doing well in school and someone said "I'm sorry you feel lost. You'll figure it out one day. I figured out I wanted to be an engineer right away and I have a job offer for $90k already"...the intent may be there, but the delivery is wrong.
I would say, keep the focus on the person you are trying to help and don't let your intent get lost in the details.
I always try to encourage people I meet who are struggling, but I don't make it all about myself or things I've overcome. Try to see how they are looking at things and then let that be your guide.

quote:

---

2) If someone asks very blunt questions, would that make it worse? I don't ask them like I'm sad. I ask them like I'm asking a waitress what the lunch specials are.

---

Tone is a tricky one. You don't want to ask so casually that it seems like you don't care. I remember one time an older family member told me "well I'm sorry you didn't have an ideal childhood" before going on to say that they knew there were problems. But the phrasing and the tone took away any sincerity that might have happened. I don't think they meant any harm by it, but it is just a tricky area.

quote:

---

Are you gonna do it again, or did you get your shite worked out?

---

"Do you think this is all behind you now?" might be a good way to say it.

quote:

---

Were you really trying to kill yourself?

---

Did you really want your life to end? Might be a less brash way. It really depends on what type of relationship you have with the person (how often you talk, how close you are, how much they feel comfortable revealing to you).

MAJOR props to you for reaching out to those in your life and trying to help. I spent a lot of time in my early 20s feeling so lost and overwhelmed and useless. So many people knew and did nothing.
I've had struggles recently, but I've realized what family members and friends I can count on and the ones who I can't and that's made a world of difference.
Overall, I think as long as you approach someone with patience and understanding, they will appreciate it.

Sending good vibes your way

quote:

---

Life is more than sunshine and roses.

---

Without the valleys, the good days wouldn't seem so good. Life is ups and downs and constant change. You have to roll with it and try to make choices that keep you healthy mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Hammertime

Just curious .... if the family is concerned about their child's possible suicide, why haven't they intervened ? If your friend carries out the plan and takes her life, the family will be devastated and stricken with a lifetime of grief.

They need to cautiously inquire if the depressed individual has suicidal ideations and a plan to carry it out. If the answer is YES, they should immediately intervene and get help before it's to late.

Regarding your support and help for her, positive affirmations usually work best to help improve someone's self-esteem. Being alone (and using drugs/alcohol) is the absolute worst thing for someone suffering from depression. Sooner or later, they succumb to the depression and choose to end their life.

Many depressed people will attempt suicide (overdose on pills) as a cry for help, without actually coming forward to their loved ones and admitting they are sick and need help. Often times the signs and symptoms are there as we tend to blow it off or cover it under the rug. If and when it actually happens, we look back and say "why didn't I do more to help".

It's imperative that the family provide support and seek help for the depressed individual, even if it turns out to be a false alarm. Most depressed people will not ask for help, as family and loved ones have to educate themselves on the subject and reach out to the depressed individual.

just my opinion having worked in treatment centers, half-way houses, and having a Masters degree in counseling

prayers sent up for your friend that she ask for help

quote:

---

2) If someone asks very blunt questions, would that make it worse? I don't ask them like I'm sad. I ask them like I'm asking a waitress what the lunch specials are.

---

I'm not a mental health professional, but this doesn't seem like an effective approach. Wouldn't it be better to build empathy and trust to get to the root of the issue? If I were depressed and felt like no one cared/the world/my family is better off without me, I wouldn't want to talk to someone cold and distant. I wouldn't want to speak with someone whom views suicide and depression as "just information and not derogatory in any way."

I'd think you'd need to get a little more personal than a basic waiter/customer relationship.

But most importantly, and I mean this sincerely, at least you have the balls to have the conversation, regardless of your approach.