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Started By
Message
re: Life changes quick
Posted on 7/5/20 at 1:49 pm to dukke v
Posted on 7/5/20 at 1:49 pm to dukke v
That’s ok. Life has a funny way of working itself out. I don’t seek out revenge in anything, ever. I wanted out for years; I tried to cancel the wedding a few weeks before it happened, but went through with it. I have no regrets otherwise I wouldn’t have children.
Everything in life has a purpose. I’ll never be the same, but I consider myself better than before. If you let it change you, it will. And you can expect to be changed in some ways, but you can fight to grow, learn and better yourself. After all, there was something wrong with me that I allowed certain things and continued to fight for something that was always, ALWAYS a losing battle. I recognize that. And I’m not a victim. I’m an idiot but an idiot who did something about it.
Everything in life has a purpose. I’ll never be the same, but I consider myself better than before. If you let it change you, it will. And you can expect to be changed in some ways, but you can fight to grow, learn and better yourself. After all, there was something wrong with me that I allowed certain things and continued to fight for something that was always, ALWAYS a losing battle. I recognize that. And I’m not a victim. I’m an idiot but an idiot who did something about it.
This post was edited on 7/5/20 at 1:50 pm
2
Posted on 7/5/20 at 1:54 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
Don’t be surprised what someone will do to hurt you.
This is what surprised me the most about my ex. She had extreme postpartum depression and seemed angry that I wasn’t as freaked out. We had a nanny and she was seeing two therapists and a life coach but it wasn’t enough. She would say and do things at the end that had no purpose except to get an angry reaction. I never gave her the satisfaction.
After she filed, I changed her contact info in my phone to her maiden name. She saw what popped up when she called once and seemed really bothered by that. Of all the things she did, that got to her.
Anyway, OP just remember that you can claim the kids as dependents on your taxes if you pay more of their expenses, regardless of what the divorce decree says.
A couple years after the divorce was finalized, I got a long text from her apologizing and she said that her doc finally got her meds straight and she listed a litany of mental/personality disorders that she was diagnosed with. I didn’t respond.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 1:55 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
And I’m not a victim. I’m an idiot but an idiot who did something about
That's a perfect sentiment
Posted on 7/5/20 at 1:55 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
; I tried to cancel the wedding a few weeks before it happened, but went through with it.
You knew something wasn't right about that relationship all along.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:03 pm to fallguy_1978
quote:
You knew something wasn't right about that relationship all along.
From the beginning. Very early on. As much as I love and respect my parents, I was raised in a very dysfunctional home. I never understood what a healthy relationship looked like, and during the HS and college years my mom struggled bad with addiction. Rehab family weekends were the norm for me. In hindsight, I can say I learned so much and am as tough as I am due to the controversies I experienced throughout my life. But in the midst, I made questionable choices in men, and really had no concept of a truly healthy relationship. I thought you chose what appeared to be healthy even though it was psycho behind closed doors.
After being told to get out of my ex’s vehicle on Seigen Lane, on a stormy night, because I dared to ask him why he lost it on me at dinner out of nowhere, I should have been gone. This was two months in. When I tried to leave upon our arrival back at his home, he took my car and parked it a mile away so that I couldn’t go. Cell phone taken. And when he finally got a grip and let me back inside from the rain, he sobbed and told me how bad his childhood was. Then, I was invested. Suddenly I felt terrible for him and could relate since my own childhood had presented itself with much hardship. Who was I to judge and not HELP him? Leaving him just meant I would be abandoning him like everyone else in his life. Right?
And then we got married..
Trust me. I’ve made all the mistakes but I’m grateful to be able to say I made it to the other side and lead a relatively boring (I LOVE BORING) yet happy life.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:07 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:You mean I knew you when you were making bad decisions and I didn't know about it?
tigerbandpiccolo
dagnabbit!!
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:08 pm to OWLFAN86
I lived out some of my bad decisions on thiS board, let’s be honest
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:09 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
Trust me. I’ve made all the mistakes but I’m grateful to be able to say I made it to the other side and lead a relatively boring (I LOVE BORING) yet happy life.
My parent's relationship was pretty awful. So was my wife's upbringing actually although her parents are still married.
I think the opposite thing happened to us. We both know what a shitty marriage looks like and wanted no part of that for ourselves.
A bad marriage is absolutely miserable. I'd rather just be single if that was the only alternative.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:10 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
Lol that's true of all of us
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:10 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
After being told to get out of my ex’s vehicle on Seigen Lane, on a stormy night, because I dared to ask him why he lost it on me at dinner out of nowhere, I should have been gone. This was two months in. When I tried to leave upon our arrival back at his home, he took my car and parked it a mile away so that I couldn’t go. Cell phone taken. And when he finally got a grip and let me back inside from the rain, he sobbed and told me how bad his childhood was.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:12 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
tigerbandpiccolo
Christ. That is some insane shite.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:12 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
I miss you being in BR but I get it. Glad you and the kiddos are ok!
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:13 pm to fallguy_1978
Well, I thought I knew what not to do. Not the case.
Again, not regrets. Would it have been cool to have not experienced any of that and my two kids not have to grow up with divorced parents? Sure. But I wouldn’t have those two kids, and they’re absolutely the coolest, most amazing little people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. Furthermore, I reiterate the point that I believe in a bigger plan and my pain has a purpose.
To the OP, I’m so sorry for you. Divorce is always painful.
Again, not regrets. Would it have been cool to have not experienced any of that and my two kids not have to grow up with divorced parents? Sure. But I wouldn’t have those two kids, and they’re absolutely the coolest, most amazing little people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. Furthermore, I reiterate the point that I believe in a bigger plan and my pain has a purpose.
To the OP, I’m so sorry for you. Divorce is always painful.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:21 pm to LouisianaLady
quote:
Christ. That is some insane shite.
Mmhmmm. That’s child’s play. I live 7 hours from Baton Rouge for a reason, and it isn’t because I just had a strong urge to uproot my life, kid’s life, and move away from the people I loved/life I built for fun.
quote:
tigafan4life
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:26 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
I live 7 hours from Baton Rouge for a reason
You call that living
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:30 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
Hopefully you got full custody. Dude sounds unstable
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:34 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
Wow. That’s a hell of an event........And you STILL married this guy?????????
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:35 pm to Dusted
quote:
OP, hang in there. I’ve been through 4 of these now and they get a little easier every time. My last one was only 3 months in when she dropped the hammer on me. She’s dating some Air Force chick now stationed at Barksdale. Just remember it’s not your fault. They have something wrong with them such as my last being a lesbian.
After divorce number 4 maybe you should come to the realization that maybe it's you and not them.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:37 pm to tunechi
I’ve had sole legal custody for over two years now.
Posted on 7/5/20 at 2:38 pm to stout
quote:
After divorce number 4 maybe you should come to the realization that maybe it's you and not them.
Yeah he clearly is attracted to women not well suited to him and shocker...it doesn't work out.
Also....he likely has never worked on his own issues that led to his first marriage ending...and just brought them with him into every relationship since then.
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