re: Just found out my father is dead - no one wrote an obituary

I know quite closely to how you feel.

Only thing I can say....is that you are a better man now than if you would have grown up into teenage years with him.

I am sorry you miss him.

(no message)

That hit me in the feelz. Sorry bro.

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As bad as things turned out for him and between us, he was charismatic. I loved him and idolized him as a child. Even after he left us I defended him. I thought he hung the moon.

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Sounds like my father and you sound like my sister. Unfortunately for me, my father is still alive and pennyless in a nursing home.

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You must have a tremendous mother.

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A saint. Unfortunately she had to work her arse off to put food on the table, so she wasn’t around a lot. I went down some dark paths.

But yes, all’s well that ends well.

I actually can relate to a lot of this. I hope you find peace. Again, I’m so sorry you had to go through this.

Good post.

I read it all.
All I got.

I went through most of my youth wishing my father was part of my life, he bailed when I was about 7 and took up with another family. My siblings and I became the "other" kids. I had to come to terms with the fact that he was never going to be the dad I dreamed of having as a kid and instead focused on becoming the father I always wanted. It's sad that you found out the way you did, as this hasn't happened to me I can't pretend to understand the emotions you feel. As someone said earlier, be proud that you broke the cycle of abuse and have become a much better person. There will always be a small part of you that longs for the father/son relationship, especially from the eyes of a young boy. I understand that emotion, I still live it from time-to-time.

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This was my first question, since I knew he had almost nothing. He was a vet and some local veteran group arranged for a burial. The place I spoke to today just transported his body to the burial site.

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Some funeral homes help provide minimal services to get the indigent interred even though there is no profit. With the VA burial allowance and the SS death benefit, you can get a body into the ground.

Please allow yourself to find peace. It’s clear from your post that you grasp the “whole picture” and did your part. Love the good and let go of the bad. Rectify the wrongs by not doing them yourself. You are good.... find peace in that.