- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
re: Joke Thread: Bring your best!
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:55 am to LSU Coyote
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:55 am to LSU Coyote
This Thread
0
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:57 am to LSU Coyote
James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead. "Harry, Harry, hey, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.
"Ah, not so good, James" says Harry.
"Why, what happened?" James queries.
"Well," Harry says, "I just lost my job, Im in debt, and I've still got to feed my family. I don't know what I'm going to do."
"Oh....well....could have been worse," James replies calmly. "Could have been worse.....well, see ya later."
A month or so later, James again encounters Harry, in a restaurant. "Hey, Harry! Fancy running into you again! How are things now?" he asks.
"Terrible!" says Harry. "It just goes from bad to worse, James! Our house burned down last night and we lost everything. I can't believe it."
"Are you serious? Wow. Well.....could have been worse," says James, again with total aplomb, and goes about his business.
A month later, James runs into Harry a third time. "Harry!! Hey buddy! Well, how goes it?" he inquires.
"Oh!" says Harry. "Things just get worse and worse. It's one tragedy after another! Now my wife has left me. She took the kids and left me. I have no job, no home, no family and Im in debt up to my ears."
Harry nods his head and gives his usual optimistic-seeming little smile, accompanied by his usual words: "Could've been worse."
This time, Harry grabs James by the shoulders. "Wait a minute!" he says. "Three times in the past few months we've run into one another, and every time I've told you the latest disaster in my life. Every time you say the same thing: 'Could have been worse.' For God's sake, Harry, I want you to tell me... how on earth could it have been any worse!!??"
James looks at Harry with the same little wisp of a smile. "Could have been worse," he says. "Could have happened to me."
"Ah, not so good, James" says Harry.
"Why, what happened?" James queries.
"Well," Harry says, "I just lost my job, Im in debt, and I've still got to feed my family. I don't know what I'm going to do."
"Oh....well....could have been worse," James replies calmly. "Could have been worse.....well, see ya later."
A month or so later, James again encounters Harry, in a restaurant. "Hey, Harry! Fancy running into you again! How are things now?" he asks.
"Terrible!" says Harry. "It just goes from bad to worse, James! Our house burned down last night and we lost everything. I can't believe it."
"Are you serious? Wow. Well.....could have been worse," says James, again with total aplomb, and goes about his business.
A month later, James runs into Harry a third time. "Harry!! Hey buddy! Well, how goes it?" he inquires.
"Oh!" says Harry. "Things just get worse and worse. It's one tragedy after another! Now my wife has left me. She took the kids and left me. I have no job, no home, no family and Im in debt up to my ears."
Harry nods his head and gives his usual optimistic-seeming little smile, accompanied by his usual words: "Could've been worse."
This time, Harry grabs James by the shoulders. "Wait a minute!" he says. "Three times in the past few months we've run into one another, and every time I've told you the latest disaster in my life. Every time you say the same thing: 'Could have been worse.' For God's sake, Harry, I want you to tell me... how on earth could it have been any worse!!??"
James looks at Harry with the same little wisp of a smile. "Could have been worse," he says. "Could have happened to me."
Posted on 1/21/23 at 9:59 am to LSU Coyote
Three old ladies - Gertrude, Maude and Agnes were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Agnes, bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn't quite reach that far
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Agnes, bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn't quite reach that far
Posted on 1/21/23 at 10:02 am to molsusports
quote:
A man is shipwrecked on a remote island with only a dog and a goat. He builds a shelter, learns to fish and forage. Life becomes more stable as he learns to survive.
Time passes and he has become more sexually desperate. It occurs to him that he could frick the goat but is repulsed by the thought. Finally overwhelmed by lust he heads towards the goat with the intention of fricking it and the dog runs in front of him and beats him to the punch. He's frustrated and repulsed but can't bring himself to frick the goat after the dog.
Weeks pass and the same event repeats itself. Just as he's about to screw the goat the dog runs in front of him again. His frustration builds further.
Then a storm hits the island and another boat is blown onto the shore. He swims to the wreck and finds a half drowned but beautiful young woman.
"Are you okay?" He asks
"Thank God. Save me and I will do anything you desire." She replies
"Anything?" He queries
"Anything" She repeated
"Would you hold that dog for me?"
I loved this one.
Posted on 1/21/23 at 10:04 am to A Menace to Sobriety
What do you call a short fortune teller on the run from the law?
A small medium at large
A small medium at large
Posted on 1/21/23 at 10:08 am to alajones
I'm really worried about my calendar.
Its days are numbered.
Its days are numbered.
Posted on 1/21/23 at 10:18 am to alajones
Today I saw dwarf prisoner climbing down the prison wall.
I thought to myself “that’s a little condescending”.
I thought to myself “that’s a little condescending”.
This post was edited on 1/21/23 at 10:18 am
Posted on 1/21/23 at 10:18 am to LSU Coyote
A Jew, Hindu, and black guy are on a road trip, car breaks down, but they see a house in the distance.
They walk to the house and the man at the house is very friendly and says “I can sleep 2 of you in the house but do not have room for a 3rd. However, my barn has a great sleeping spot”. The Jew says “that’s fine, I’ll sleep in the barn tonight”.
10 minutes later you hear a knock on the door and it’s the Jew. He says, “I cannot sleep in the barn, there is a pig and to sleep next to a dirty pig is gross with my religion”. The Hindu says “that’s fine, I’ll sleep in the barn”.
10 minutes later you hear a knock on the door and it’s the Hindu. He says “I cannot sleep in the barn, there is a cow and they are sacred in my religion”. The black guy says, “that’s fine, I’ll sleep in the barn”.
10 minutes later, there’s a knock on the door and it’s the pig and the cow.
They walk to the house and the man at the house is very friendly and says “I can sleep 2 of you in the house but do not have room for a 3rd. However, my barn has a great sleeping spot”. The Jew says “that’s fine, I’ll sleep in the barn tonight”.
10 minutes later you hear a knock on the door and it’s the Jew. He says, “I cannot sleep in the barn, there is a pig and to sleep next to a dirty pig is gross with my religion”. The Hindu says “that’s fine, I’ll sleep in the barn”.
10 minutes later you hear a knock on the door and it’s the Hindu. He says “I cannot sleep in the barn, there is a cow and they are sacred in my religion”. The black guy says, “that’s fine, I’ll sleep in the barn”.
10 minutes later, there’s a knock on the door and it’s the pig and the cow.
This post was edited on 1/21/23 at 10:21 am
Posted on 1/21/23 at 10:51 am to LSU Coyote
A guy was on vacation in Amsterdam walking the red light district and a barker in front of one place yelled out to him that they have a special for tonight only 10 euro. The guy thought to himself, "why not." He decided to check it out. He handed the guy a 10 euro note and was led into a room with no one in it except a chicken. The guy was confused and watched this chicken running around the empty room. After a few minutes he thought to himself, "why not." He caught and fricked the chicken.
The next day he found himself back in the red light district. He thought to himself, "damn, that chicken was pretty good yesterday." He decided to do it again. The same barker was outside and he said today is back to the regular price 20 euro. The guy felt 20 euro was fair so he handed the barker 20 euro note and was led into a room with holes drilled into the wall and a bunch of guys looking through them. Curious, the guy found a hole and looked through it. "Wow! There's an orgy going on in there," he said out loud. The guy next to him said, "you should have been here yesterday, there was some guy fricking a chicken!"
The next day he found himself back in the red light district. He thought to himself, "damn, that chicken was pretty good yesterday." He decided to do it again. The same barker was outside and he said today is back to the regular price 20 euro. The guy felt 20 euro was fair so he handed the barker 20 euro note and was led into a room with holes drilled into the wall and a bunch of guys looking through them. Curious, the guy found a hole and looked through it. "Wow! There's an orgy going on in there," he said out loud. The guy next to him said, "you should have been here yesterday, there was some guy fricking a chicken!"
This post was edited on 1/21/23 at 10:55 am
Posted on 1/21/23 at 10:52 am to theantiquetiger
quote:
How is broccoli like anal sex?
If you are forced to have it as a kid, you won’t enjoy it as an adult.
Damn
Posted on 1/21/23 at 10:55 am to RLDSC FAN
My wife asked for peace and quiet while she cooks.
So I turned off the smoke detector.
So I turned off the smoke detector.
Posted on 1/21/23 at 11:08 am to theantiquetiger
quote:
How is broccoli like anal sex?
If you are forced to have it as a kid, you won’t enjoy it as an adult.
I can tell you first hand that this is wrong.. Oh wait..
Posted on 1/21/23 at 11:15 am to mjthe
What is the difference between an autistic kid with Downs symptoms, and a buffoon in a wheelchair?
They let the autist start threads.
They let the autist start threads.
Posted on 1/21/23 at 11:16 am to blight
Where is the punchline?
Posted on 1/21/23 at 11:19 am to Hangit
quote:
What is the difference between an autistic kid with Downs symptoms, and a buffoon in a wheelchair?
They let the autist start threads.
Is this funny to you simple fricks?
Posted on 1/21/23 at 11:26 am to LSU Coyote
A mother picked up her young son from school. As they were leaving to go home, they got stuck behind a garbage truck.
THWAP
An oversized dildo struck the windshield.
"Mama, what was that?"
"Oh, honey, just a bug", she said nervously.
"Goddamn, I'm surprised he could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
THWAP
An oversized dildo struck the windshield.
"Mama, what was that?"
"Oh, honey, just a bug", she said nervously.
"Goddamn, I'm surprised he could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
This post was edited on 1/21/23 at 11:27 am
Posted on 1/21/23 at 11:27 am to HempHead
How much did the man sell his dead battery for?
Nothing.. It was free of charge.
Nothing.. It was free of charge.
Posted on 1/21/23 at 11:41 am to LSU Coyote
An old Jewish man wins the $1 billion dollar Powerball jackpot. He moves down to South Florida, builds a massive mansion with a giant circle driveway. In the middle of the circle, he spends $1 million dollars on a life size statue of Adolph Hitler.
Well, being in south Florida, and the large Jewish presents there, many of his neighbors are pissed.
Finally the HOA tracks him down and asks about the statue.
He replies, “Adolph is my hero!”
The HOA says, “What do you mean, he killed millions of Jews in the Holocaust?”
The old Jewish man replies, “I won the Powerball, and he gave me the winning numbers!” (Holding out his arm to show his tattooed Holocaust ID number)
Well, being in south Florida, and the large Jewish presents there, many of his neighbors are pissed.
Finally the HOA tracks him down and asks about the statue.
He replies, “Adolph is my hero!”
The HOA says, “What do you mean, he killed millions of Jews in the Holocaust?”
The old Jewish man replies, “I won the Powerball, and he gave me the winning numbers!” (Holding out his arm to show his tattooed Holocaust ID number)
This post was edited on 1/21/23 at 11:43 am
Posted on 1/21/23 at 11:42 am to LSU Coyote
A young boy was in his mother's way as she was trying to clean house.
The mom tells the boy to go next door where a house is being built and see if he can learn anything.
The boy goes and finally comes home before dinner and mom start with the questions:
Mom- did you learn anything?
Son- yes, learned out to install a Door!
Mom- Great. How do you install a Door?
Son- well first, you gotta move the door a count hair to the right, then move the mfer a little to the left and the sob should fit just right!
The mom is upset and tells the boy to go to his room until dad comes home.
Dad comes home and hears the story from the mom, then goes upstairs to see the Son.
Dad- Son, I heard you learned how to install a door. So tell me, how is it done?
Son- well first, you gotta move the door a count hair to the right, then move the mfer a little to the left and the sob should fit just right!
Dad- Son! March your arse to the front yard and fetch me a switch!
Son- EFF YOU DAD, THATS THE ELECTRICIANS JOB!
The mom tells the boy to go next door where a house is being built and see if he can learn anything.
The boy goes and finally comes home before dinner and mom start with the questions:
Mom- did you learn anything?
Son- yes, learned out to install a Door!
Mom- Great. How do you install a Door?
Son- well first, you gotta move the door a count hair to the right, then move the mfer a little to the left and the sob should fit just right!
The mom is upset and tells the boy to go to his room until dad comes home.
Dad comes home and hears the story from the mom, then goes upstairs to see the Son.
Dad- Son, I heard you learned how to install a door. So tell me, how is it done?
Son- well first, you gotta move the door a count hair to the right, then move the mfer a little to the left and the sob should fit just right!
Dad- Son! March your arse to the front yard and fetch me a switch!
Son- EFF YOU DAD, THATS THE ELECTRICIANS JOB!
Posted on 1/21/23 at 11:57 am to LSU Coyote
This is a joke I heard Nick Saban tell:
"One day I was talking to my wife Terry and I said to her, hon, in your wildest dreams, did you ever think we would have this much success and win this many championships?"
She said, Nick, you're not in my wildest dreams.
"One day I was talking to my wife Terry and I said to her, hon, in your wildest dreams, did you ever think we would have this much success and win this many championships?"
She said, Nick, you're not in my wildest dreams.
Page 2 of 3
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News