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Started By
Message
re: Joke of the evening
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:38 am to pcolatiger28
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:38 am to pcolatiger28
2 bums were walking down a railroad track and one bums asks the other, say man, you shite on yourself? And the other bum replies, no man.
A few miles up the track and the same bum gets a whiff of crap and repeats his question. Man, you sure you didn't crap your pants? The other bum replies, no man.
Finally after a few more miles the same bum is fed up. He says looks man, I've been smelling shite for miles and it's not me. Are you sure you didn't crap all over yourself. The other bum replies, no man.
So the first bum says pull your pants down I want to see.
So the second bum does so and when he does, there's a wad of shite sitting in his pants.
The first bum says man, what the hell is that!?!? I thought you told me you didn't shite your pants.
The seconds bum says, oh, my bad, I thought you meant today.
A few miles up the track and the same bum gets a whiff of crap and repeats his question. Man, you sure you didn't crap your pants? The other bum replies, no man.
Finally after a few more miles the same bum is fed up. He says looks man, I've been smelling shite for miles and it's not me. Are you sure you didn't crap all over yourself. The other bum replies, no man.
So the first bum says pull your pants down I want to see.
So the second bum does so and when he does, there's a wad of shite sitting in his pants.
The first bum says man, what the hell is that!?!? I thought you told me you didn't shite your pants.
The seconds bum says, oh, my bad, I thought you meant today.
This post was edited on 6/25/16 at 6:40 am
0
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:48 am to ksayetiger
Ksaye, it appears my protestations triggered a couple of foul-mouthed gentlemen... 
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:53 am to tigerswin03
quote:
5th grade class goes on a field trip to a construction site , so when one boy got home his mother asks what he learned at the construction site to which the boy replies " oh nothing really , the mother says oh come on I see they gave you a hard hat and a tape measure surely you had to lean something ...
So the boy pulls out the tape measure he was given and tells his mom to take the end and walk to the other side of the room and hold it by the wall , so the mother does so and asked is this good , the boy replies a little left , mom says how about now , the boy says a little to the right , mom says is this good , boy replies , well we off by a kunt hair but frick it that will work .....
So the Mom says I am going to whip your behind, Go get me a switch..
The Kid reply's " frick you that's the electricians job"
Posted on 6/25/16 at 6:53 am to foshizzle
Argon walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look and yells, "We don't serve noble gases here!"
But Argon plays it cool and doesn't react...
But Argon plays it cool and doesn't react...
Posted on 6/25/16 at 7:03 am to LCA131
quote:
LCA131
You sound like a pussy.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 7:05 am to bencoleman
That's pretty accurate.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 7:43 am to LCA131
An oldie but a goodie, from the Siegfried and Roy days:
How do you change a fruit into a vegetable? Turn a 600 pound white tiger loose on him. :rimshot:
How do you change a fruit into a vegetable? Turn a 600 pound white tiger loose on him. :rimshot:
Posted on 6/25/16 at 10:01 am to pcolatiger28
Robot walks into a bar, orders a drink, lays down a bill.
Bartender says 'hey, we don't serve robots' and the robot says
'one day you will'
Bartender says 'hey, we don't serve robots' and the robot says
'one day you will'
Posted on 6/25/16 at 10:02 am to LCA131
Boy wants the car from his dad, dad says 'son you gotta cut that hair'.
Sons says 'hey dad, Jesus had long hair' and dad says
'that's right son, Jesus, he walked everywhere'.
Sons says 'hey dad, Jesus had long hair' and dad says
'that's right son, Jesus, he walked everywhere'.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 10:04 am to Womski
A Penn state employee walks into a butt
Posted on 6/25/16 at 10:57 am to Breesus
What did Charlie Sheen do when the world gave him lemons?
fricked them all and gave them lemon aids.
fricked them all and gave them lemon aids.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 11:16 am to touchdownjeebus
quote:
guy walking along the beach finds a lamp. He attempts to clean it up and a genie pops out. The genie says,"I will give you one wish and one wish is all!"
The guy replies,"genie! I want a dick that touches the floor!"
And BLAMO, the genie cuts off his legs.
Better than the genie cutting off his dick and laying it in the floor.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 11:35 am to touchdownjeebus
A guy walks into a bar and sees a tiny man playing a piano. He walks up to the little man's handler and says "whoa man. Where did you get the little guy?" The handler replies "oh, I've got a magic genie," and holds out a lamp. "Can I give it a try?" The man says. The handler hands over the lamp and a genie pops out as the man gives it a rub. "Thank you for releasing me. You may have 1 wish." Says the genie. "Okay, I'll just keep it simple," the man says, "I wish for a million bucks." Immediately after, poof, a million ducks start flying in the air. "Your genie is a little hard on hearing," the man says. To which the handler replies, "no shite. You think I asked for a 10 inch pianist?"
This post was edited on 6/25/16 at 11:36 am
Posted on 6/25/16 at 11:41 am to ksayetiger
quote:
Well this thread isnt very Christian anymore
The OP started with 2 dicks and your mom. It never started out Christian-like. U dumbfrick.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 2:25 pm to PsychTiger
I got a little hot under the collar yesterday and shot a black man. I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 2:37 pm to pcolatiger28
Three little old ladies named Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat. Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tilly, bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn’t reach that far.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 2:40 pm to LSUsuperfresh
A 16 year girl in Alabama comes home from school one Friday and asks her dad if she can borrow the car for the evening. The dad says, "Ok. But you have to suck my dick first." The daughter agrees, and begins to go down on her father. After a minute or two the daughter stops, and asks "Ew dad, why does your dick taste like shite?" The dad replies, "Oh yeah, I forgot. Your brother already asked to borrow the car."
Posted on 6/25/16 at 2:55 pm to Huck Finn
A set of jumper cables walks into a bar, the bartender says "ok, I'll serve you but don't start anything".
Posted on 6/25/16 at 3:00 pm to bengalbait
Two antennas fell in love and got married, the wedding wasn't much but the reception was great.
Posted on 6/25/16 at 3:02 pm to pcolatiger28
Lil Johnny joke...
Lil Johnny hated going to school. One day his teacher announced that every Friday morning, she would ask a question. Whoever answered the question correctly first could leave and come back on Tuesday of the next week.
Well, every Friday, Lil Johnny either didn't know the answer or someone answered before he got a chance. He was getting pissed.
Finally, Lil Johnny figured out a plan that would get him out of class.
The next Friday morning, he took 2 golf balls spray painted black to school. The teacher walked in and Lil Johnny rolled the golf balls right up to her desk. The teacher turned around and asked, "Who's the comedian with the black balls?". Lil Johnny jumped up and shouted, "Richard Pryor! See ya Tuesday, bitch!" And walked out of the room.
Lil Johnny hated going to school. One day his teacher announced that every Friday morning, she would ask a question. Whoever answered the question correctly first could leave and come back on Tuesday of the next week.
Well, every Friday, Lil Johnny either didn't know the answer or someone answered before he got a chance. He was getting pissed.
Finally, Lil Johnny figured out a plan that would get him out of class.
The next Friday morning, he took 2 golf balls spray painted black to school. The teacher walked in and Lil Johnny rolled the golf balls right up to her desk. The teacher turned around and asked, "Who's the comedian with the black balls?". Lil Johnny jumped up and shouted, "Richard Pryor! See ya Tuesday, bitch!" And walked out of the room.
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