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Immediately After Moving To Texas, Elon Musk Announces Tesla AR-15
Posted on 12/9/20 at 6:38 pm
Posted on 12/9/20 at 6:38 pm
quote:
Immediately After Moving To Texas, Elon Musk Announces Tesla AR-15
Babylon Bee
AUSTIN, TX—After years of fighting lame California politicians who want to lock everyone in their homes so they can't go to space or build cool stuff, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced he was moving to a land flowing with milk and honey called Texas. Almost immediately after the move, he announced a new product the whole world has been waiting for: the Tesla AR-15.
"Um... h-howdy, I think," said Elon, expertly taking on the local dialect. "Y'all want a Tesla AR-15? You got it, partner!"
The new firearm will look similar to a standard AR-15 but will in fact be a battery-powered railgun capable of firing 3 million rounds per minute. It will also feature a fingerprint sensor, Bluetooth capability, heat-seeking ammunition, and a chainsaw bayonet, to name a few.
"We really wanted to re-think self-defense," said Musk. "This new firearm will be the go-to rifle for our SpaceX volunteers when they encounter hostile aliens. It's also a celebration of the Second Amendment. If any federal authorities try to confiscate it, the rifle will automatically connect to the internet and file a lawsuit for you!"
The Federal Government has requested that Tesla at least remove the AI-powered "self-driving" feature on the firearm before selling it.
14
Posted on 12/9/20 at 6:40 pm to goofball
I already knew this had to be satire, if the Musk was a real baw now, he'd know better than to put those tiny capacity Cali mag's in the picture. 
Posted on 12/9/20 at 6:41 pm to goofball
Might be the only Tesla I would actually consider buying
Posted on 12/9/20 at 6:41 pm to goofball
Can’t beat the Bee.
Posted on 12/9/20 at 6:56 pm to goofball
Damn I would have really looked into buying one. If anyone can rethink the mechanics of the modern firearm, I would love to see what Musk would come up with. Probably a magnetic operated rail gun that shoots disks instead of bullets and have an engraving on it that reads “not an assault rifle.”
Posted on 12/9/20 at 6:57 pm to goofball
Oh, I wish that were real..
Posted on 12/9/20 at 6:59 pm to goofball
IWLIIATBA
I would lose it in a tragic boating accident
I would lose it in a tragic boating accident
Posted on 12/9/20 at 7:06 pm to goofball
3 million rounds a minute??? I’d love to see that in action. That’ll be like laser guns from terminator
Posted on 12/9/20 at 7:06 pm to goofball
Damnit I wanted this to be real
Posted on 12/9/20 at 7:24 pm to goofball
I mean, he’s already done a flame thrower through his company named The Boring Company.
Posted on 12/9/20 at 7:34 pm to GWfool
quote:
I mean, he’s already done a flame thrower through his company named The Boring Company.
That's a tactical propane torch, because you can't sell a flame thrower. So great.
Posted on 12/9/20 at 7:36 pm to goofball
I can't wait for the aftermarket high-capacity solar charger!
Posted on 12/9/20 at 7:38 pm to goofball
Lololololololol
If only it were true...
If only it were true...
Posted on 12/9/20 at 7:40 pm to BorrisMart
quote:
I already knew this had to be satire, if the Musk was a real baw now, he'd know better than to put those tiny capacity Cali mag's in the picture.
If he were a real Baw, he would have already had a tragic boating accident...
Posted on 12/9/20 at 7:47 pm to goofball
quote:
capable of firing 3 million rounds per minute
If it wasn't obvious satire at this point, let's hammer it home with a
quote:
chainsaw bayonet
Posted on 12/9/20 at 8:12 pm to Seeker
quote:
If anyone can rethink the mechanics of the modern firearm,
No, Musk would just make the potential customers pay for the research and development for years and years and it would never come into fruition
While he takes ideas from other people
Posted on 12/9/20 at 8:17 pm to CheEngineer
A handheld rail gun does sound pretty awesome.
Posted on 12/9/20 at 8:17 pm to goofball
quote:
The new firearm will look similar to a standard AR-15 but will in fact be a battery-powered railgun capable of firing 3 million rounds per minute. It will also feature a fingerprint sensor, Bluetooth capability, heat-seeking ammunition, and a chainsaw bayonet
I’ll take four.
Posted on 12/9/20 at 8:33 pm to goofball
damn cheap at $35k
You can kill commies while watching the game.
You can kill commies while watching the game.
Posted on 12/10/20 at 9:26 am to LegendInMyMind
The second gen models will be nuclear powered. You can plug your electric car into it if you need a charge.
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