re: I'm not crazy, you're crazy - Borderline Personality Disorder

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I should add that we have two young children. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only stability in their lives, and the thought of leaving them with her the majority of the time scares the shite out of me. Not for their physical safety - she is a good, involved mother - but for their mental health.

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How do you think they will be seeing you get beaten down like a dog every day?

When they get older, she will start to do it to them. 100% guaranteed.

she NEEDS to go to therapy and so do you. If she refuses, run the frick away and fight HARD for joint custody.

If she actually is BPD she will absolutely do some crazy shite during the process -- threaten, hurt herself, cheat, etc etc. and you can use that against her when fighting for custody.

Good luck.

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Borderline Personality Disorder is not the same as Bipolar Disorder.

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not saying they're the same but they're closely related

(no message)

I bet that pussy fire tho

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we're both seeing a therapist currently. We see the same guy, but separately. I have been pushing for us to see him together, simultaneously because I think we need an objective broker. She has pushed back massively on us seeing him together, because she claims I do not let her speak and that I manipulate therapists (we have been to marriage counseling a couple times before).

This conversation about her not wanting to see him together with me was what finally led me down this path of trying to figure out what the frick was going on - because I have NEVER prevented her from speaking in ANY context. And she was there for all the conversations with the therapists, so I dont know she thinks I manipulated them. When I told her that never happened, she said I was gaslighting her.

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She's gaslighting you hardcore. Bet she's gotten physical with you too and you just haven't said it. And like I said, she will be great while your kids are still little and cute. As they get older, kids are gonna get it too.

I think you know what you should do but you don't want to do it. So i'll say again, Lawyer the frick up and get one that takes no prisoners. At the very least lay the groundwork, and if you trust your therapist talk to him about it.

I think I have figured out who your therapist is, and IMO he's excellent. Stick with him.

I 100% understand what you're going through by the way.

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oh and forgot to add she was an OT10 too. For some reason it seems to be the smoking hot ones are the crazy ones

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Or, only the hot ones are in relationships. No one is dating a crazy, ugly chick.

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Borderline Personality Disorder is not the same as Bipolar Disorder.


not saying they're the same but they're closely related

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At least with Bipolar there are some good times.

BPD, they choose when to be a bitch.

(no message)

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we're both seeing a therapist currently. We see the same guy, but separately. I have been pushing for us to see him together, simultaneously because I think we need an objective broker. She has pushed back massively on us seeing him together, because she claims I do not let her speak and that I manipulate therapists (we have been to marriage counseling a couple times before).

This conversation about her not wanting to see him together with me was what finally led me down this path of trying to figure out what the frick was going on - because I have NEVER prevented her from speaking in ANY context. And she was there for all the conversations with the therapists, so I dont know she thinks I manipulated them. When I told her that never happened, she said I was gaslighting her.

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Young adult son began exhibiting BPD-type behavior 4-5 yr ago. Caught his mom and I completely unawares. Accused us and his brother of stuff that we wondered if someone had substituted another person. He accuses us of "gaslighting"-a term of which I had not been aware, but now see as him doing the same thing. That book, Eggshells, helped me immensely. It helped me understand what is going on inside his head. He's never been professionally diagnosed, but he checks all the boxes. The book, plus a therapy session or two for my wife and I helped us set boundaries.
He has pretty good insight to his behavior and has been in therapy for couple years and is doing much better, but it's right below the surface.
Contrary to other opinions expressed, some clinical articles I have read indicate that the natural history is one of gradual improvement into late 30's and 40's, although the suicide rate is alarming.

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because the first step in getting exorcised is admitting you need an exorcism

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that's very true and it's been mentioned a few times here, the sickie tries to project it out on those around them, "it's not me! everyone else is fricked up!!"