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re: I need help in dealing with demonic ex-inlaws
Posted on 11/21/16 at 2:49 pm to Spaceman Spiff
Posted on 11/21/16 at 2:49 pm to Spaceman Spiff
Are you the bad guy?
1
Posted on 11/21/16 at 2:49 pm to Spaceman Spiff
Seriously...if you're doing everything that you can do as a good dad today and in the future, then you have nothing to worry about. Your kids will figure out eventually that what your ex's family is telling them is bullshite. Worry about being a good dad, and the rest will take care of itself.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 2:50 pm to Spaceman Spiff
Ok. I guess I will give a serious answer. What you do is be loving and supportive to your kids and never lower yourself to the level of your ex-in-laws. Be consistent at this. Set an example of appropriate and stoic behavior. Basically do what you should be doing regardless of the shitty ex's family. At first the kids may be influenced by what the ex's sister says, but kids aren't stupid. Eventually they will see the ex and in law as the toxic liars that they are, if that is what they really are. And in any case there isn't anything more that you can do. People will form their own opinions.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 2:50 pm to chryso
quote:
Are you the bad guy?
Not at all, sir. She agreed to everything I asked for without fighting. She sees the kids every other weekend. That's it.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 2:51 pm to Spaceman Spiff
Spend the jack and buy the kids everything the ex sis in law is giving them except you give it to them before she does on Christmas. They will completely tune her out then.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 2:51 pm to Peazey
quote:
And in any case there isn't anything more that you can do.
I know. It just pisses me the hell off that the kids are being caught up in this and made pawns.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 2:53 pm to Spaceman Spiff
quote:
I know. But when the ex and her sister tell my son that he needs to spend more time with her than me and other crap like that...
read The Art of War......
be patient, steady and, most of all, smart. Emotions will undo you.
This post was edited on 11/21/16 at 2:58 pm
Posted on 11/21/16 at 2:56 pm to Spaceman Spiff
She can't tell them anything if she is dead.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 2:58 pm to Spaceman Spiff
Confront the sister-in-law. Tell her she can hate you all she wants, but that you are still their dad and you would appreciate it if she would show a little class and not tell your kids things that will make them hate their dad. And if she continues you will have no choice but to tell your kids that they should just ignore her because she has mental problems that causes her to make up stuff, etc, etc.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 2:59 pm to Spaceman Spiff
quote:
Not at all, sir. She agreed to everything I asked for without fighting. She sees the kids every other weekend. That's it.
The sheer amount of time you have the kids should be your advantage. Just don't give them any reason to believe the BS.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 3:03 pm to Spaceman Spiff
Do you and the ex-wife get along? If so, maybe suggest to the ex-wife that the 2 of you get together and meet with ex-SIL to ask ex-SIL to stop bad mouthing you to the kids because the kids already have to go through enough with having their parents divorced and all the SIL is doing is hurting the kids. If she wants to gossip about you to the adults in the family, fine...just leave kids out of it and let them enjoy childhood.
Maybe having ex-wife on your side for this would help ex-SIL to understand its bad for the kids.
Maybe having ex-wife on your side for this would help ex-SIL to understand its bad for the kids.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 3:05 pm to yellowhammer2098
(no message)
This post was edited on 1/10/21 at 9:20 pm
Posted on 11/21/16 at 3:05 pm to yellowhammer2098
quote:
Unfortunately there is not a whole lot you can do. I grew up in this situation with my maternal grandparents/uncles trash talking my father. All you can do is spend time with your kids and don't do things to prove your in laws right (not saying you ever have). Eventually your kids will come to a conclusion on their own. I've learned to drown out the bad things they have to say. I love my family but frick them for bad mouthing my dad.
listen to this guy. He's right.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 3:08 pm to Spaceman Spiff
I have been there my friend and can tell you that trashing a former spouse to their children will not work for this woman in the long run. Your children will see you as a victim with this behavior and they will become protective of you. Focus on being a loving and involved father. Don’t give this woman any truth to what she is saying. If your kids ask you about what she is saying be honest with them, don’t make a big deal about it, and remind them that their aunt is an angry, unhappy person. If your SIL is as bad as you say she is, your kids already don’t like her and this will grow as they get older. Remember when dealing with your ex and her family that nothing hurts them more than your indifference.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 3:09 pm to slackster
quote:
The sheer amount of time you have the kids should be your advantage. Just don't give them any reason to believe the BS.
he should turn the tables on them and offer more visitation with the mom. See what happens then. Seems to me she isn't getting enough time with them and is probably the reason for the majority of the things being said about the dad.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 3:10 pm to chris504
I just don't think that confronting the ex sister in law is the right play. Obviously, I don't know these people, but I think it would make things worse. It will likely make her feel attacked and lead to her demonizing the father more. If the ex wife refuses to step up to do that then that's their business. All you can do is assure the children that you are there for them if they express doubts and refrain from attacking the ex wife or ex sister in law. Otherwise it is an unfortunate and confusing thing that the kids have to deal with, and hopefully it makes them stronger.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 3:12 pm to Spaceman Spiff
Buy your kids a can of bear mace and tell them you'll take them bowling every time they spray their aunt
Posted on 11/21/16 at 3:14 pm to Peazey
quote:
I just don't think that confronting the ex sister in law is the right play.
OP knows how that family is, but I wouldn't recommend doing it in a confrontational type manner. Sometimes just asking nicely works and if the ex-wife also asked her sister nicely to not badmouth kids' dad in front of them, maybe it'll get her to stop.
Posted on 11/21/16 at 3:16 pm to chris504
My theory is that only people who are in denial or still have feelings for the other party have bad things to say. In my case i never talk bad about my childrens mother to them or anyone else for that matter. I would have to care about her to do so and that just isn't the case.
This post was edited on 11/21/16 at 3:19 pm
Posted on 11/21/16 at 3:17 pm to chris504
quote:
OP knows how that family is, but I wouldn't recommend doing it in a confrontational type manner.
These things have a way of coming across as confrontational even with the best of intentions in my experience. I just don't see it as having a high likelihood of being productive.
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