re: How do you handle a "Free Time Imbalance? in a relationship?

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It's not a "time inbalance".

Women are just petty

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My first wife is an ex partially b/c of bullshite like this.

Back in 2001-2003 I Worked 4x10s and she was a full time student. She got pissed off when I didn't get up at my usual 430 am on Fridays and then spend the day mopping the floors and doing housework.
On the occasion I met a friend who was self-employed at Sammys and got day drunk.

She lost her shite. and a husband.


OP this is "Petty Betty" as it gets. I bet it's the woman getting mad, huh.

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Case in point, my gf told me about some friends of her's that are both professionals but one is self employed and one is an employee. The employee partner got upset that the self-employed partner got day drunk one day when the self employed partner closed a big deal and had a clear calendar. I asked what was so wrong (b/c in my mind, it's that person's business/schedule) and I was informed that it wasn't fair that one got to skip work while the other one worked.

That's the "free time imbalance" i referenced in the subject. Basically one party has more flexibility or less work demands and ends up with much more free time as a result.

So this got me to thinking about how this relates to relationships, generally (similar to this thread I made a while back). I actually did a google search and didn't see much about this specifically, but I imagine my search terms are the reason for that failure.

Do you see the couple's time as shared, so the partner who has more free time has an obligation to use that free time towards mutual interests/needs? Or is that time the individual partner's and the mutual time should be split evenly between the partners? Does an economic imbalance change your opinion? If the partner with free time makes more money, can this ever escape utter jealousy long term?

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My wife just rolls her eyes and says passive aggressive woman shite like,"must me nice" or "I guess you're working really hard today", or like, "What do you do all day"

Today is actually my first day back in the office since April 17th

I have all the free time I want vs she has to see patients and follow a schedule...however, she sets her own schedule so she can take off whenever she wants before she makes her schedule......her problem is she cant cancel her apt's at the last minute unless it an emergency.

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I do this sometimes when the fight just makes absolutely no sense to me.

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jaguarsfan.gif

i am 100% going to have the compartmentalization discussion with the gf b/c we are just on opposite ends of the spectrum. it's binary, i'm either "on" or 'off". if you give me a list of things to do, me doing them is being "off". when i'm done, i'm DONE.

it's somewhat similar to OP, as your bro pointed out, but if i finish and she's not, this "oh you're done? can you help me with this?" is blood boiling

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it's somewhat similar to OP, as your bro pointed out, but if i finish and she's not, this "oh you're done? can you help me with this?" is blood boiling

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It's not about doing what you're asked. You will never make a woman happy by doing what they tell you to do. What they want from you is to anticipate their needs and have what they want done without them having to ask you and without you having to ask them any questions. If you do it right, they will be happy. If you do it wrong, they will bitch. That's just the way they are.

It's just like the whole "where do you want to eat?" conundrum. They know what they want and they know what they would accept. They want to test to see if you know them well enough to figure out what they want without them having to tell you, and they want to see that you're decisive enough to make that determination and stick with it.

When it comes to finishing a list of assignments and getting seemingly punished with getting more assignments, the reality is that all of those things likely needed to be done anyways. Getting more done isn't a bad thing. In the professional world, you eventually get rewarded with a promotion or more money for taking on increasing amounts of responsibilities, but there are no promotions in marriage or relationships. There are no higher titles or raises. Both partners make decisions and allocate their time in the ways they believe is best for themselves and their partners. At the end of the day, no matter who SHOULD do the chores, there will always be chores. There will always be pictures to hang, grass to cut, dishes to wash, clothes to fold, bathrooms to clean, shopping to do, floors to scrub, etc.

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i am 100% going to have the compartmentalization discussion with the gf b/c we are just on opposite ends of the spectrum. it's binary, i'm either "on" or 'off". if you give me a list of things to do, me doing them is being "off". when i'm done, i'm DONE.

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"why didn't you do this thing?"
"because I didn't think it was a priority"
"I want you to do it"
"well write it down or text me when you want me to do it"
"I shouldn't have to"
"if you want it done, you have to"
"ugh, I wish you'd just care about it"

every man has had this convo or something similar

Yeah I would not put up with this

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My wife just rolls her eyes and says passive aggressive woman shite like,"must me nice" or "I guess you're working really hard today", or like, "What do you do all day"

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I've played golf a few times in the middle of the afternoon after I was done for the day and got this. I said "yes it was nice, thank you."

Mind reader or gtfo