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Message
re: How do you feel about spanking children?
Posted on 1/24/14 at 8:37 pm to DownshiftAndFloorIt
Posted on 1/24/14 at 8:37 pm to DownshiftAndFloorIt
quote:
Kids are like dogs in alot of ways. Sometimes the only way to get through their head is force.
I don't like that comparison.
That reminds me of an article I read a few years ago - What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage
I have a fundamental disagreement with treating humans a certain way because it works on animals. It may work for the person that is trying enforce their will, but I think there are better, higher-level ways to handle these situations. Some people are so deranged that they will refuse to act rationally, but again - why is that happening? - that leads us back to the parent-child relationship.
3
Posted on 1/24/14 at 8:48 pm to DownshiftAndFloorIt
quote:Obviously not if they spanked you
Posted by DownshiftAndFloorIt It worked on me. I respected my parents too much to let them down as a kid.
Posted on 1/24/14 at 8:56 pm to inadaze
Also, going back to that comparison between coaches and players - Lotus pose on two
Posted on 1/24/14 at 9:06 pm to inadaze
quote:
but I think there are better, higher-level ways to handle these situations.
I understand what you're saying.
quote:
why is that happening? - that leads us back to the parent-child relationship
But until a certain age, children are unable to reason and think in a logical manner. Their brains simply haven't developed enough yet.
Posted on 1/24/14 at 9:21 pm to inadaze
The most effective method that I have seen is a combination of nurturing and education combine with incentive and discipline.
You try to teach your child how to act right with positive reinforcement when they are good.
You anticipate problems you might encounter and offer your child incentives that will help them to choose to obey your wishes.
At the same time, you explain to them your expectations as well as the consequences of failing to meet these expectations.
All of this is proactive.
But once the transgression has occurred, it's time for discipline.
Reinforce the lesson before and after the discipline (whether it's spanking, time out, removal of toys) and make your child repeat/explain back to you what they did wrong.
You try to teach your child how to act right with positive reinforcement when they are good.
You anticipate problems you might encounter and offer your child incentives that will help them to choose to obey your wishes.
At the same time, you explain to them your expectations as well as the consequences of failing to meet these expectations.
All of this is proactive.
But once the transgression has occurred, it's time for discipline.
Reinforce the lesson before and after the discipline (whether it's spanking, time out, removal of toys) and make your child repeat/explain back to you what they did wrong.
Posted on 1/24/14 at 9:24 pm to CrimsonTideMD
quote:
But until a certain age, children are unable to reason and think in a logical manner. Their brains simply haven't developed enough yet.
Right, but I do not see that as a justification for spanking. In that sense, before logic develops, I think it does make sense to use strategies that are something like what was written about in the NYT article.
For example, if a young child is doing something you don't want them to do, instead of hitting them, make them laugh. It is so easy to make kids laugh, and in the process raise their energy level, and establish a better connection with them. In that sense, as a parent, you use your higher faculties to manipulate the situation, and divert their attention away from whatever they are doing that you don't want them to do. It's not manipulation in a malicious way. It's a loving way of managing the situation that leaves out putting your hands on them.
Posted on 1/24/14 at 9:53 pm to TheDoc
quote:
Wtf are you talking about?
Rebel is talking out of his arse once again and doesn't know me at all
I don't really know you at all so I was left with that assumption b/c you haven't divulged any info on what works for you and your situation. But I know some of what Rebel said was true. Your board break up with Ella was spectacular.
I hope that thread is saved on TD classics. I know you're anti-God and hate Rush. I'm pretty sure youre the poster that flicked a cigarette on, poured a beer, and punched rbravara. But that's about all I got.
Posted on 1/24/14 at 10:36 pm to inadaze
Spanking works like nothing else to redirect behavior at a young age. Enjoy raising high self esteem criminals and handling all their legal problems. fricking liberal do gooder pos.
Posted on 1/24/14 at 10:58 pm to Bullfrog
I find the idea of spanking your children to condition them to follow the normalities of society very strange. Are we all born that terrible, that we must be physically punished to learn what is "right"?
Posted on 1/24/14 at 11:02 pm to TheIndulger
quote:
Are we all born that terrible, that we must be physically punished to learn what is "right"?
quote:
“The only innocent feature in babies is the weakness of their frames; the minds of infants are far from innocent.”
Posted on 1/24/14 at 11:39 pm to Turkey_Creek_Tiger
quote:turkey creek...
my parents spanked me, and I didn't turn out ok.
Posted on 1/25/14 at 12:17 am to inadaze
quote:
you use your higher faculties to manipulate the situation, and divert their attention away from whatever they are doing that you don't want them to do. It's not manipulation in a malicious way. It's a loving way of managing the situation that leaves out putting your hands on them.
Well yeah, as a parent you're smarter, but they just have so much more energy and determination. Our disadvantage is not even fair
Posted on 1/25/14 at 12:20 am to inadaze
God damn. I don't understand some of the reasoning behind some of yall against spanking your kids. It's tough to argue against yall because your arguments are so damn stupid. Because the arguments you have work against your own arguments if that makes any sense.
God help some of you folks if your children turn out like some of yall self righteous sons of bitches.
God help some of you folks if your children turn out like some of yall self righteous sons of bitches.
Posted on 1/25/14 at 12:23 am to inadaze
quote:
For example, if a young child is doing something you don't want them to do, instead of hitting them, make them laugh. It is so easy to make kids laugh, and in the process raise their energy level, and establish a better connection with them.
That works right up to the point that it doesn't. Then you have to do something else.
Even if you could make that work, Every, Single, Time. Which btw is sometimes 3 dozen times a day when they're between the ages of 3-5 years old. You'd be setting them up for some serious real-life failure once they're out from under your wing and they have been conditioned to expect a little song and dance every time they throw a tantrum
Posted on 1/25/14 at 12:25 am to Groovie
quote:
God help some of you folks if your children turn out like some of yall self righteous sons of bitches.
If only upvotes were unlimited
Posted on 1/25/14 at 12:45 am to inadaze
quote:
For example, if a young child is doing something you don't want them to do, instead of hitting them, make them laugh. It is so easy to make kids laugh, and in the process raise their energy level, and establish a better connection with them. In that sense, as a parent, you use your higher faculties to manipulate the situation, and divert their attention away from whatever they are doing that you don't want them to do. It's not manipulation in a malicious way. It's a loving way of managing the situation that leaves out putting your hands on them.
That's perhaps the biggest steaming pile of nonsensical bullshite I've ever seen on this board.
Posted on 1/25/14 at 12:58 am to inadaze
quote:
For example, if a young child is doing something you don't want them to do, instead of hitting them, make them laugh. It is so easy to make kids laugh, and in the process raise their energy level, and establish a better connection with them. In that sense, as a parent, you use your higher faculties to manipulate the situation, and divert their attention away from whatever they are doing that you don't want them to do. It's not manipulation in a malicious way. It's a loving way of managing the situation that leaves out putting your hands on them.
Wow. I don't even know how to respond to this pile of garbage.
Posted on 1/25/14 at 1:40 am to CrimsonTideMD
quote:
Even if you could make that work, Every, Single, Time. Which btw is sometimes 3 dozen times a day when they're between the ages of 3-5 years old.
In my experience with kids that age, things are not that difficult. If you're encountering something like 36 situations in a day where you feel compelled to hit your kid, I'd say there are some serious underlying issues.
quote:
You'd be setting them up for some serious real-life failure once they're out from under your wing and they have been conditioned to expect a little song and dance every time they throw a tantrum
Now you've strayed way off from what we were talking about. I just used that as one example of a way to deal with a situation BEFORE logic develops. Once they're older, you will obviously have more rational interactions with them.
I don't know why you wrote that. I was specifically talking about that stage before logic develops that YOU brought up.
This post was edited on 1/25/14 at 1:42 am
Posted on 1/25/14 at 1:54 am to Darth_Vader
quote:
That's perhaps the biggest steaming pile of nonsensical bullshite I've ever seen on this board.
Well it has worked for me with young children.
I could give you other examples of things I've done in the past, but this thread is going nowhere. And most of the pro-spanking people are quick to insult, and short on explanations. Typical.
You can't tell me it's bullshite when I've done it and it works. With that, you provide no reasons for why it won't work, and no alternatives. That's par for the course for a parent that can think of no other option other than hitting their kid.
Posted on 1/25/14 at 2:05 am to inadaze
I haven't read this thread at all. I'm the father of two young children (soon 2 & 4) and I'm not opposed to spanking. There have been times with my son when I have spanked him, but I've since eased up, because he has recently been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder and the discipline the wife and I have tried to administer is clearly not working. I wish I had known this sooner as I could have saved my son some trauma and myself some stress by handling the situations differently. My daughter gets some swats on the bottom from time to time, but she understands the lessons even at her young age.
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