Having a shitty grad school research advisor

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Is it ever appropriate to respectfully call him out on this or am I just destined to be taken advantage of until I finish this program?

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why do you need an advisor?

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See my ETA post

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copy, sounds like you might consider someone else, he doesn't seem reliable

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I've got an advisor for grad school that is completely irresponsible. We've had multiple meetings that he has rescheduled for 4-5 different times. He's also no-showed for two meetings in that time.

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Welcome to the real world of academia.

Request a different one and explain

Thanks. That's a very inciteful response.

I appreciate your perspective.

When you say "call him out" that means to me that you want to have a confrontation. While that may give you some short-term satisfaction, I don't think it would be a smart move. Instead, I would probably try a more diplomatic (and professional) approach. I'd bet that just a little communications to let him know that this is causing problems for you would at least improve the situation.

Yeah I agree. When I said "call him out" I mean just have a cordial respectful conversation. In no way would I be confrontational; that would no way solve anything but make everything worse.

I knew someone in NOLA who had earned his PhD and was a Prof at one of the universities there.
We were talking about life. He said that as a child, he was small and had been bullied a lot. He learned to live with bullies and how to deflect them. Then he eventually got to college and then to grad school. What got him through his PhD was the realization that Grad Schools are full of bullies and he applied what he'd learned in Grade School. he didn't like it, but he knew he'd win in the end. And he did.

Don't look at the advisor as a potential friend or mentor. Consider that he's a bully, has always been a bully, and that your eye needs to be on the prize, not the path to it.

I am very sympathetic to your situation. Who you select as an advisor is really, really important in a graduate program. It can make the difference between being successful or not.

You don't mention which university or program you are in, probably for the obvious reason of not wanting to identity yourself. At LSU, there is variation across campus departments in the quality of graduate advising and mentoring. Some departments have some terrific advisors, while in other departments the culture is such that good advising and mentoring is a rarity. Other universities will also have good and bad departments for advising and mentoring.

You have a few of choices here:

1. You can try to make the best out of the advisor who you have selected. Talk to other, more-senior graduate students in the program. Is your advisor a big-name scholar who is too busy to work with graduate students? Or is he generally a good mentor but you have just caught him at a bad time? Most of the great mentors at LSU are very excited about their work and want to share what they do with students, but there are some faculty members who are terrific scholars but terrible advisors. What do other graduate students in your program say about this person? If he is generally thought of as a good advisor, then maybe you can try to work with him to improve situation. Perhaps you can talk to him in a respectful, professional way about the kind of advising he is prepared to give and the kind of advising that you need. With some luck perhaps you can arrive at a meeting of the minds and create a mutually-beneficial working relationship.

2. You can select another advisor. It is possible that you have picked a very good advisor who treats students with respect and does good work with them, but perhaps he is unusually busy and will be better in the future. But it may also be the case that the advisor who you have selected is just not a good advisor and that the interactions that you have had with him reflect how he works. In my experience it is better to have a graduate advisor who will take you under his or her wing and provide good mentorship than to have an advisor who does not give you the time of day. Is there someone else in your department who works on the same things in which you are interested but who shows signs of being more committed to advising and mentoring students? Would it be possible to switch over to a better mentor who is interested in the topics you are studying and who is also a good scholar?

3. There is a third possibility: double advisors. At LSU and most other universities, it is possible for a graduate student to have co-chairs of their masters or doctoral committees. You could select your current advisor but couple him with a second advisor who is committed to good advising and mentoring. I have good friends who followed this approach to good success when they were in their doctoral programs, and I have seen successful students in my own program follow that strategy to good success.

I hope that this is helpful. Good luck with this process!

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real turf fan

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That's a great analogy. I've also heard the fraternity analogy used. Basically, the people with the PhDs are the senior fraternity members and the students are the ones being hazed. Once you make it through it you're "in the club."

fricking ridiculous really.