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re: Have Any of You Married a Cluster B Personality Disorder (Narcissistic, Borderline,etc)?
Posted on 6/26/24 at 9:23 am to rickyh
Posted on 6/26/24 at 9:23 am to rickyh
quote:
For better or worse. You committed to her. She is a female and most if not all go through stages. You should stick to your vows and ride it out. Marriages are like that.
You don't think females should've thought about that before demanding equality?
Give them what they ask for. No one sits around and gives a shite when a man goes through "stages". Its get over it and take care of business.
1
Posted on 6/26/24 at 9:35 am to jizzle6609
If you guys knew how many chances I gave her, it would make your head spin.
Marriage counseling, marriage retreats at Focus on the Family in Branson, MO, each of our families getting involved trying to help and nothing worked.
Symptoms would subside for a while after these attempts but eventually return even worse.
I was always the problem in her eyes and the reason was always “Don’t feel safe.” When she would get called out to explain, it was “maybe it’s his tone.” And I always came back with “How am I supposed to feel safe if you are threatening me if I don’t do XYZ?” Complete silence on her part. Just the weird wiggle in her chair with that evil grin.
And no, I never laid a hand on her.
Was she violent? If you call throwing glasses full of water on me or throwing things then yes. These things would happen when she felt control slipping or I was spitting too much truth.
I left the house many times when she would get like this because I absolutely hate conflict. But of course she accused me of cheating when I would leave. Projection.
She was the one addicted to outside attention and adoration, not me.
And I probably shouldn’t even look at her Facebook but I look at it like watching a movie play out.
Her not announcing the marriage is just weird. My kids told me so I looked it up in the county register in TN and there it was.
Was I shocked? Not in the least.
And yes indeed, it looks like a panic pick!
I still laugh about it to myself.
Marriage counseling, marriage retreats at Focus on the Family in Branson, MO, each of our families getting involved trying to help and nothing worked.
Symptoms would subside for a while after these attempts but eventually return even worse.
I was always the problem in her eyes and the reason was always “Don’t feel safe.” When she would get called out to explain, it was “maybe it’s his tone.” And I always came back with “How am I supposed to feel safe if you are threatening me if I don’t do XYZ?” Complete silence on her part. Just the weird wiggle in her chair with that evil grin.
And no, I never laid a hand on her.
Was she violent? If you call throwing glasses full of water on me or throwing things then yes. These things would happen when she felt control slipping or I was spitting too much truth.
I left the house many times when she would get like this because I absolutely hate conflict. But of course she accused me of cheating when I would leave. Projection.
She was the one addicted to outside attention and adoration, not me.
And I probably shouldn’t even look at her Facebook but I look at it like watching a movie play out.
Her not announcing the marriage is just weird. My kids told me so I looked it up in the county register in TN and there it was.
Was I shocked? Not in the least.
And yes indeed, it looks like a panic pick!
I still laugh about it to myself.
This post was edited on 6/26/24 at 9:51 am
Posted on 6/26/24 at 9:52 am to Hussss
Dude has 2 failed marriages, PTSD from the Army and 4 girls by different women. So I hope she is finally “safe.” SAFE = perfect doormat to manipulate.
I don’t know him so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt until he were to cross me but red flags are there.
I don’t know him so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt until he were to cross me but red flags are there.
This post was edited on 6/26/24 at 9:58 am
Posted on 6/26/24 at 11:14 am to Hussss
And I’m posting my story not because I’m bitter but to show the signs to ones that are in it and know SOMETHING is wrong but are completely confused of what it is exactly 
Posted on 6/26/24 at 11:43 am to Hussss
(no message)
This post was edited on 5/4/25 at 7:22 pm
Posted on 6/26/24 at 12:07 pm to Hussss
quote:
And I’m posting my story not because I’m bitter but to show the signs to ones that are in it and know SOMETHING is wrong but are completely confused of what it is exactly
This is so important. I had no idea what I was dealing with (nor did family or church counselors) until I found a DV group therapy and saw a chart. My mind was BLOWN to hear other women who had the EXACT same story. My story and what Picc shared is so close. The details change (my husband's hobbies were different) but the way you are treated is the same. It is truly shocking once you realize it is a pattern of behavior and not just someone who has issues that can change or be helped.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 12:08 pm to Limitlesstigers
You will never get an honest explanation, an expression of personal responsibility and any apology will come with a projection onto you of shared responsibility, or with a demand that you also apologize. That is just another way how you know you are dealing with a personality disorder. They stay on the offensive or skip out completely.
They start the fire. You respond to the fire. It’s all your fault and you should now apologize to them. And if you make the mistake of playing that mutual apology game, it just emboldens them to do it again and again.
So are you dealing with someone with no conscience or someone who is so emotionally dysregulated that they have no self awareness or are even possibly semi delusional? That varies from person to person.
They start the fire. You respond to the fire. It’s all your fault and you should now apologize to them. And if you make the mistake of playing that mutual apology game, it just emboldens them to do it again and again.
So are you dealing with someone with no conscience or someone who is so emotionally dysregulated that they have no self awareness or are even possibly semi delusional? That varies from person to person.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 12:53 pm to Lsupimp
i only apologize when i really truly mean it now, and i do it because it's the right thing, even knowing it will be used against me later. for years i would apologize when i wasnt sorry or when i, at most, felt we were both at fault, and all that gets you is a whole lot more of the same. and, like you said, it just emboldens them in their quest for perpetual victimhood.
i'm speaking only for myself here and my own experience, but i've found that in order to maintain this marriage (and my own sanity), i've had to become very comfortable with finding fulfilment independently of the relationship. when she gets dysregulated, i simply go do my own thing, spend time with my kids, spend time with my hobbies, etc and i dont let her bring me down with her. because, ultimately, that's what it's about for borderlines. their emotional pain is so intense, that they MUST dump it off on someone else to get some relief. they're in turmoil and they must bring someone into the turmoil with them. for years that person was me, but it's not now. i dont know who it is now, but it's not me.
i will say that my refusal to get in the mud during her dysregulated periods has had a positive impact on our relationship when she is more stable. it's not paradise by any means, but it's much better than it was before. probably because we arent hurling accusations and hurtful statements at eachother. she tries still, but i just ignore it and certainyl dont retaliate.
i'm speaking only for myself here and my own experience, but i've found that in order to maintain this marriage (and my own sanity), i've had to become very comfortable with finding fulfilment independently of the relationship. when she gets dysregulated, i simply go do my own thing, spend time with my kids, spend time with my hobbies, etc and i dont let her bring me down with her. because, ultimately, that's what it's about for borderlines. their emotional pain is so intense, that they MUST dump it off on someone else to get some relief. they're in turmoil and they must bring someone into the turmoil with them. for years that person was me, but it's not now. i dont know who it is now, but it's not me.
i will say that my refusal to get in the mud during her dysregulated periods has had a positive impact on our relationship when she is more stable. it's not paradise by any means, but it's much better than it was before. probably because we arent hurling accusations and hurtful statements at eachother. she tries still, but i just ignore it and certainyl dont retaliate.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 12:57 pm to Sam Quint
i will add that my wife is not diagnosed (that i know of). i strongly suspect she has BPD, but maybe she doesnt and it's me that is projecting these tendencies onto her. then again, part of the whole chaotic experience is that you never know anything for sure.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 1:15 pm to Sam Quint
Thank the Good Lord I am now 4 hours away from her.
Seeing my kids is quite challenging, but I make it work.
I love them more than life!
Thank goodness they have my qualities.
I NEVER speak bad about their Mom. I WANT them to love her wholeheartedly!
Seeing my kids is quite challenging, but I make it work.
I love them more than life!
Thank goodness they have my qualities.
I NEVER speak bad about their Mom. I WANT them to love her wholeheartedly!
Posted on 6/26/24 at 1:20 pm to Hussss
glad you make that effort. it makes me so sad when people dog on their childs other parent.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 1:23 pm to Hussss
quote:that was my wish. Unfortunately it did not happen. But at least I know their opinions of their dad were formed by their own interactions and experiences with him instead of my comments.
I NEVER speak bad about their Mom. I WANT them to love her wholeheartedly!
Posted on 6/26/24 at 1:56 pm to Hussss
And just a piece of advice for the ones on the fence about whether they are with one of these Cluster B Personalities:
Know them by their fruit.
Meaning forget about what they tell you. What do they actually SHOW you?
And ALWAYS trust your intuition as well as what your body tells you. If it doesn’t feel right, investigate. Ask yourself first why you are feeling the way you do.
Know them by their fruit.
Meaning forget about what they tell you. What do they actually SHOW you?
And ALWAYS trust your intuition as well as what your body tells you. If it doesn’t feel right, investigate. Ask yourself first why you are feeling the way you do.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 1:59 pm to Hussss
(no message)
This post was edited on 7/19/24 at 8:06 am
Posted on 6/26/24 at 2:00 pm to Hussss
quote:
Know them by their fruit.
Meaning forget about what they tell you. What do they actually SHOW you?
And ALWAYS trust your intuition as well as what your body tells you. If it doesn’t feel right, investigate. Ask yourself first why you are feeling the way you do.
decent enough advice, but i would offer that there are absolutely things that i was doing that was exacerbating her issues. yes, know them by their fruit, but also be self-aware enough to know when you are pouring gas on a fire and dont just assume that because you are in a relationship with a cluster B PD that everything you do is right and everything they do is wrong by default. there are degrees of blame to go around. it's very tempting to just blame everything on them and find yourself completely faultless once you have convinced yourself of their personality disorder. that's pretty toxic as well.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 2:06 pm to Sam Quint
Absolutely! Well said!
In my case, I am very self aware and told our counselors that I thought that I had an Avoidant attachment style.
I have always had a fear of losing independence, fear of commitment and absolutely hate conflict.
In my case, I am very self aware and told our counselors that I thought that I had an Avoidant attachment style.
I have always had a fear of losing independence, fear of commitment and absolutely hate conflict.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 2:39 pm to Hussss
Not married to, but I have seen it up close, for sure. These people will make you think everything is wrong with you until you sit back and realize that each of your other relationships is perfectly fine. None of their relationships are. They are eternal victims in every dang interaction they have. With everyone. In every situation. It's actually very sad, because their insecurities are glaringly obvious.
And God forbid you call them on anything, they'll say you're just "too sensitive." SMH. No, no I'm not. You're being a complete jerk.
And God forbid you call them on anything, they'll say you're just "too sensitive." SMH. No, no I'm not. You're being a complete jerk.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 3:21 pm to Hussss
husss, we’ve clearly both become psychologists by the end of these marriages. 
I know every aspect of what’s wrong with me, too. High functioning ACOA, oldest child, the “look at our daughter and all she accomplishes, of course we are good parents and a normal family!” kid, and I have anxious attachment style. On the flip side of you, I have extreme fear of abandonment due to my childhood. He loved exploiting that by causing a fight, then just disappearing for days without me knowing where he was. I would be a wreck for days. I lost 20 lbs before baby #4 that I did not need to lose. Double 00 pants fit me with room to grow, and I am not the body type to wear that size. I couldn’t eat, never slept, couldn’t keep food in my body when I did eat. It was horrible. I was a nervous wreck all the time. That’s why I’m giving myself grace with this extra 10 lbs right now. My body and nervous system HAVE to recover. I’m on medicine to sleep, medicine for anxiety and depression, and all kinds of supplements and vitamins. My hair is starting to grow back. I love this girl for the first time in my life, and not because I’m full of myself. Because I am simply worthy of that love—because of who’s daughter I am.
I know a woman is reading this and is where I was several years ago. If you want to reach out, ask admin and they have my permission for to contact me. Consider it paying it forward as LSUpimp did for me years ago.
I am outting myself but I made a very sad and gut wrenching thread under an alter in 2019, when I could not figure out what was happening. Sorry chicken. You can ban the account
Here’s the thread. It’s a tough read for me. I was so naive to what was happening. LINK
That’s what it looks like in the beginning stages. Big hugs to anyone suffering in these relationships.
I know every aspect of what’s wrong with me, too. High functioning ACOA, oldest child, the “look at our daughter and all she accomplishes, of course we are good parents and a normal family!” kid, and I have anxious attachment style. On the flip side of you, I have extreme fear of abandonment due to my childhood. He loved exploiting that by causing a fight, then just disappearing for days without me knowing where he was. I would be a wreck for days. I lost 20 lbs before baby #4 that I did not need to lose. Double 00 pants fit me with room to grow, and I am not the body type to wear that size. I couldn’t eat, never slept, couldn’t keep food in my body when I did eat. It was horrible. I was a nervous wreck all the time. That’s why I’m giving myself grace with this extra 10 lbs right now. My body and nervous system HAVE to recover. I’m on medicine to sleep, medicine for anxiety and depression, and all kinds of supplements and vitamins. My hair is starting to grow back. I love this girl for the first time in my life, and not because I’m full of myself. Because I am simply worthy of that love—because of who’s daughter I am.
I know a woman is reading this and is where I was several years ago. If you want to reach out, ask admin and they have my permission for to contact me. Consider it paying it forward as LSUpimp did for me years ago.
I am outting myself but I made a very sad and gut wrenching thread under an alter in 2019, when I could not figure out what was happening. Sorry chicken. You can ban the account
Here’s the thread. It’s a tough read for me. I was so naive to what was happening. LINK
That’s what it looks like in the beginning stages. Big hugs to anyone suffering in these relationships.
This post was edited on 6/26/24 at 3:37 pm
Posted on 6/26/24 at 3:31 pm to HouseMom
quote:
These people will make you think everything is wrong with you until you sit back and realize that each of your other relationships is perfectly fine. None of their relationships are. They are eternal victims in every dang interaction they have. With everyone. In every situation.
This is how we got someone close to us to see the cycle they were stuck in.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 3:39 pm to Hussss
Kind of strange that the mental illness thread has all the women in it
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