re: Have Any of You Married a Cluster B Personality Disorder (Narcissistic, Borderline,etc)?

She actually did call me a Covert Narcissist after I left.

They always tell on themselves with their projections.

Always!

So if you suspect them of something, just sit back and eventually they will accuse YOU of it.

I always just sat back and let the snake eat its tail.

They can never, ever get out of their own way. They always make the wrong move, over play their hand and blame YOU for it. Always!

And my ex wasn’t named “Ashley” but you are So CLOSE!

They will start calling you a narcissist if you ever mention what they are to them. You wear makeup? Narcissist! You go to the gym? Selfish and narcissistic! I workout 6 days/week, mostly before people wake up (as in what I’m doing now), and take care of myself physically so I can be strong…it’s necessary with 4 kids. I was told my working out was toxic and I was the narcissist bc of that. It inconveniences no one (home gym or I brought the kids to the gym to the childcare thing), it’s kind of one of those things you WANT your spouse to do, and it was my mental release. The one thing that was for me. He demonized it and made it a daily fight. I had to justify every thing I did, every breath I took, every person I talked to, etc.

I have two therapists who have worked hard to keep me mentally in tact during this. They knew I was constantly in the cycle of abuse and were just basically there to validate my sanity most sessions. Thank God for them and my faith. God talks all about narcissism in the Bible. Satan is the ultimate narcissist, hence why narcissism is truly demonic.

I just saw this on IG. So accurate:

Narcissistic abuse does not happen suddenly, it’s insidious, creeping in slowly, until one day you don’t recognize yourself. It is the epitome of domestic violence and a slow dehumanizing and purposeful soul rape.

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tigerbandpiccolo

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The financial abuse is horrible, too. Rules for thee but not for me. We made the same money but I wasn’t allowed to spend.

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A narcissist will gain information about you so they could use it against you later and most think that if you tolerated their bad behavior you deserved everything they did to you. The more vulnerable you feel, the more powerful they feel in the relationship. And they are extremely vindictive and will make you pay for any slight they perceive in the relationship. They will find a way to punish you.

The best way to deal with a narcissist is to not participate, or remove yourself from the situation.

I’ve tried to remove myself four times. Four. I packed my kids and moved into another house earlier this year and said no more. I am so proud of myself. I send these messages from the beaches of Mexico where I took my kids for a beautiful vacation that we all have deserved for years. Spoiler alert: no vacations have been taken for years bc golf trips and country club capital calls above everything.

Every time he cheated on me he had them lined up for months. I was introduced to one at the fourball. Didn’t even know who she really was.

He’s got new supply and is dating despite the divorce not being final, not that that’s particularly relevant. But I’m sure they’d love to see the daily barrage of texts I get that range from telling me how ugly, disgusting and worthless I am (says my mom should have aborted me during her surprise 19 year old pregnancy with me) to how I’m the best thing that ever happened and to please let him come over and cuddle with me. Just a hug. I guess he’s been coming up short on the apps. Or maybe dating is hard when you live with your parents?

No, I am not. Thank God.

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He’s got new supply and is dating despite the divorce not being final, not that that’s particularly relevant. But I’m sure they’d love to see the daily barrage of texts I get that range from telling me how ugly, disgusting and worthless I am (says my mom should have aborted me during her surprise 19 year old pregnancy with me) to how I’m the best thing that ever happened and to please let him come over and cuddle with me.

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That's tough to read.

He knows with you that he can no longer hide the deeper stuff that troubles him once he gets triggered. The mask goes away, and his real self comes out.

Just be confident in who you are. Focus on yourself, and your children, in that order. Less said is best said to him.

Well said. It’s what I’m doing for the first time in my life. It feels weird and selfish but I feel myself coming back daily. It’s really cool. My kids notice. My new house isn’t as fancy as our ones before but we love it most. It’s peaceful, it’s safe, it’s full of love and dancing.

Work has been amazing, everything in my life has improved. Besides the antidepressant weight gain of 10 lbs but it’s a necessary evil. he’s been sure to call me fat every time he’s seen me. In front of my kids I’ve been called fat cow, even several times while pregnant with his children. If you know me you know I barely ever look pregnant and gain like 20-25 lbs max. He is a cruel, hateful abuser. But of course in public went on and on to others about how he married up, was out of his league, etc. He looked like the perfect husband on the outside which is why it made everything so much harder. I knew no one would believe me.

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Ashley

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Isn’t that weird? lol. And if it’s Ashley spelled with 2 Es or Leigh or some variation then it’s even worse. I honestly have no idea what that correlation is about

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Going to the gym

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Man this happened/is happening to me.. I can even get up early to do it when everyone including 2 small kids are even up and it will still be an issue that is brought up.l and weaponize against me despite her being “supportive” of it initially. It’s like any act of self improvement causes deep insecurity within themselves for areas that they percieve themselves to failing or lacking… can’t handle it so they attack you.
Faith is the only way to keep your side of the street clean and man is it hard. See them as small children acting out.. don’t react or give them any reason to call you “unsafe”.
The absolute hardest part for me, and someone please let me know if this happens to them, is when physical intimacy is always on HER terms when she feels “emotionally safe”. It’s a giant mind frick.. you hold it in and build resentful you’re accused of fear of vulnerability.. you open up and say that it makes you feel shitty that you always have to be the one to initiate sex and all hell breaks loose. I just have to repeat the phrase “keep your side of the street clean.” Having small kids with a borderline is the worst trap. Glad we have support through shite like this. It honestly should be an ongoing thread because obviously we aren’t alone

Speaking of working out. Just got done walking the beach now it’s time to journal and do a little workout before my kids wake up and we head to the beach. Have a good day and I’ll check back in later—this is an important topic. There are a lot more people struggling with this than anyone realizes.