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Started By
Message
re: Has anyone here ever moved away from home after getting married and have kids?
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:41 am to finchmeister08
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:41 am to finchmeister08
quote:
Has anyone here ever moved away from home after getting married and have kids?
finchmeister08
My employer decided to relocate/centralize a portion of their employees to one location, and that location ended up being 12 hours from home.
This happened in the middle of an engagement, and my wife and I immediately moved after the wedding to take advantage of an early moving bonus. That was March 2020. We didn't have to move, but I would've been out of job to start off our marriage. I didn't want that.
Fastforward to January 2024, and she's/we are now pregnant. It's been an overflow of hormones and emotions for her, and now all of a sudden, she wants to be closer to home because "we have no one here to help us and our child won't get to know it's grandparents".
I find that thinking asinine and shortsighted. We both have great jobs and work schedules with great benefits that we will most definitely/significantly miss if we moved somewhere closer to home and "mom".
Anyone ever find themselves in a similar situation?
Yup,wife and I left 6 months after the birth of our first child. Wife had never left Louisiana longer than a vacation in her entire life.
Its tough but if you fight through the madness and make it work nothing will ever be able to stop you and your wife. Their is nothing like team building when you dont have mommy and daddy to help you do everything.
For most this task is simply too tough. There are a lot of weak folks in this world that need to be near mommy.
This post was edited on 5/30/24 at 10:42 am
1
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:54 am to BigDrip0341
quote:
Would the grandparents be interested in moving to Ft. Wayne?
not a chance. her parents have a beach house in PCB. they stay there more than they do in Dothan.
it's like pulling teeth to get my parents to go anywhere.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:56 am to finchmeister08
Your wife needs to grow up and cut the chord. Best thing for your marriage is to be away from your family. It's a crutch for many.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:57 am to finchmeister08
No wife or kids involved, but I moved away from Upstate New York where I grew up when I was 21. Would never consider moving back and rarely visit nowadays. At this point, I’m basically a North Carolinian, seeing as that’s where the wife is from. Getting out of New Jersey and back to Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill is priority number one. All of her family is still there, where as mine is pretty well scattered across the country now. Don’t let pregnancy hormones or nostalgia cause you to make a mistake.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:58 am to Tiger Ryno
quote:
Your wife needs to grow up and cut the chord. Best thing for your marriage is to be away from your family. It's a crutch for many.
Agreed wholeheartedly.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:58 am to finchmeister08
quote:
she wants to be closer to home because "we have no one here to help us and our child won't get to know it's grandparents".
Youre gonna lose. Its inevitable for y'all to return. This false drive never leaves them until kids are grown.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:03 am to JellyRoll
quote:
Of course they will get to know their grandparents
She doesn't really mean "get to know". She means "establish a close relationship with like I had"
Gotta read between the lines. Especially when she's pregnant.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:04 am to finchmeister08
I did my internship with the U.S. Marshal's Service to finish my degree and really wanted to go to work for them. Unfortunately, they were in a hiring freeze, so I had to take a job at a local PD. By the time they were hiring again I was married and had a kid. I wasn't going to risk being assigned to Philly, Detroit, or San Francisco, so I just stayed where I was. No regrets.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:05 am to finchmeister08
quote:
we have no one here to help us
I hate this "help us" shite. We stayed in Washington damn Parish Louisiana so my wife could "have help". It ain't worth it if you have to live in Louisiana. I just assume that's where you'd be moving back to. If not, and the pay and benefits are the same at a new job, then I would consider it.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:09 am to finchmeister08
It’s natural for her to feel that way but it’s not a good reason to move back. She will create her support system through Mommy programs and, eventually, play dates, school, etc.
Every couple I know who’s gone through this has had parents come stay with them for a bit after birth and eventually move to the same area. Remind her of what is offered to your child there that isn’t as easily available back home - school systems, low crime, etc.
Every couple I know who’s gone through this has had parents come stay with them for a bit after birth and eventually move to the same area. Remind her of what is offered to your child there that isn’t as easily available back home - school systems, low crime, etc.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:13 am to finchmeister08
quote:so does she want to move to Dorhan or PCB? Because it sounds like the grandparents are in PCB.
her parents have a beach house in PCB. they stay there more than they do in Dothan.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:19 am to madamsquirrel
quote:
so does she want to move to Dorhan or PCB? Because it sounds like the grandparents are in PCB.
she claims somewhere within 6 hours is ideal since we could pack up for a simple extended weekend. can't quite do that when you're 12+ hours away.
but i know that won't be enough either.
some areas of interest for her that have a sister division of my employer are:
Fort Payne, AL
Columbus, GA
Swansea, SC
Slidell, LA
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:21 am to finchmeister08
6 hours is more difficult than you think with a newborn/toddler. Flying is actually easier sometimes from farther away.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:21 am to jizzle6609
crap nvm. Thought you were the OP
This post was edited on 5/30/24 at 11:25 am
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:26 am to Dawgfanman
quote:
It’s how humans lived for millennia. Only in America in the last 70 or so years has living with or near extended family been made to be something negative.
I agree with you generally, and this living pattern is still the case in most of the world. That said, America was built in part on the movement of people across the country, leaving their homes to start new families elsewhere. Living near extended family isn't a negative, but many of luxuries we enjoy today are built on people moving to areas with jobs and natural resources.
Even our existence as world superpower is fueled by our professional military, this could not exist without requiring families to relocate.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:29 am to madamsquirrel
quote:
It is truly the level of intention you decide to make.
This is really what it comes down to.
My friend says she sees my MIL from LA more than her own that lives here and they both have grandchildren the same age so the same opportunities to be involved because they are in the exact same situation.
This post was edited on 5/30/24 at 11:30 am
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:30 am to finchmeister08
quote:
but i know that won't be enough either.
It probably won’t. 6 hours is a lot with littles, but at least she’s trying to compromise.
quote:
Fort Payne, AL Columbus, GA Swansea, SC Slidell, LA
Columbus sounds pretty good, easily drivable for a day trip.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:32 am to finchmeister08
Have to weigh all the pros and cons.
For me, having the parents 1-2 hours away is the sweet spot.
For me, having the parents 1-2 hours away is the sweet spot.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:32 am to finchmeister08
Found myself in the exactly same situation. Moved away right before getting married, then moved back when first kid was 6 months old.
I agreed to move back on the condition we could leave when youngest graduated high school.
I agreed to move back on the condition we could leave when youngest graduated high school.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 11:34 am to HoustonChick86
Exactly. I went to grandparents day in LA for a friend's child who doesn't have grandparents.
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