re: Got any good jokes?

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.


The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now,
that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

A Chinese couple came to stay in Ghana and had a baby but the baby was black.

The husband, Yen, asked his wife, Chu, “Why is the baby black?”
Chu answered, “Yen, you know we are in Ghana, no electricity, room hot, you hot, me hot, sex hot, baby burn.”

A man goes out drinking with a friend and gets so drunk he throws up on his shirt. He panics because he wife has threatened to divorce him because of his drinking.
His friend says
"no problem ,just tell your wife some drunk threw up on you, and stick $10 in your shirt pocket and tell her the guy gave you the money to pay for cleaning"

the drunk thinks this is a great idea and when he goes home he walks through the door and is met by his wife who immediately is yelling at him accusing him if being drunk.

and he uses the excuse and its actually working .
So she reaches into his shirt pocket and pull out a $20
she yells at him

"I thought you said he gave you 10 bucks ' ?!?!

the drunk responds well yeah,

but he also shite my pants

quote:

---

Did you know that princess Diana was on the radio the night she died? She was also on the dash and the windshield.

---

My version of that joke was: did you hear that she had dandruff? They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment. :rimshot:

Did you hear about the Polish mailman fired for incompetence? He kept putting the correct mail in everyone's mailbox.

What's soft and brown and found in little boys underwear?

Michael Jackson's hand

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon.
Michael Jackson fricks little boys.

A hooker & A beaver get together afterwards the hooker tells the beaver"You owe me money" , the beaver refuses. The hooker throws him a dictionary and says to look up the definition of the word Prostitute, One who is paid for sex. The beaver throws her the dictionary and says"Look Up Beaver" Eats Bushes and Leaves.

A man walks into a bar. Before he orders the bartender tells him to look over to the left. Fairly high in the air a steak is hanging from the ceiling. The bartender tells him that if he can jump up high enough to grab a mouthful of the delicious meat that he can drink for free. But if he tries and fails, he has to buy a round for everyone else.

The man thinks about then says "Nah, the stakes are too high."

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

quote:

---

Two worms were wiggling down a dirt path.

One stops and says, "Whoa! Did you see the size of that hedgehog?"

The other replies, "No, stupid. We don't have eyes."

---

These are my absolute favorite types of jokes

One day a couple was walking through the park with their young son and they came across 2 squirrels getting it on. The son asked, "Mommy what are those squirrels doing?" The mom didn't know how to answer so she tells her son "Oh, they're just making sandwiches."

Later that night after the parents put the boy to sleep, they go into their bedroom for some sexy time. The boy wakes up and gets out of his bed and goes towards his parents room and sees them through the crack in the door. Not wanting to disturb them, he goes back to his room and goes back to sleep.

The next morning when the mom goes to wake her son up, he asks her "Were you and daddy making sandwiches last night?" Surprised, the mom asks "Yeah, how'd you know?" The son replied "Because you still have some mayonnaise on your lips."