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Today in History: October 28
0312
Constantine the Great defeats Marcus Aurelius Valerius Maxentius at the Mulvian Bridge.

0969
After a prolonged siege, the Byzantines end 300 years of Arab rule in Antioch.

1628
After a fifteen-month siege, the Huguenot town of La Rochelle surrenders to royal forces.

1636
Harvard College, the oldest institution of higher learning in the United States, is founded in Cambridge, Mass.

1768
Germans and Acadians join French Creoles in their armed revolt against the Spanish governor of New Orleans.

1793
Eli Whitney applies for a patent on the cotton gin, a machine which cleans the tight-clinging seeds from short-staple cotton easily and effectively--a job which was previously done by hand.

1863
In a rare night attack, Confederates under Gen. James Longstreet attack a Federal force near Chattanooga, Tennessee, hoping to cut their supply line, the "cracker line." They fail.

1901
Race riots sparked by Booker T. Washington's visit to the White House kill 34.

1904
The St. Louis police try a new investigation method: fingerprints.

1919
Over President Wilson's veto, Congress passes the National Prohibition Act, or Volstead Act, named after its promoter, Congressman Andrew J. Volstead. It provides enforcement guidelines for the Prohibition Amendment.

1962
Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev orders Soviet missiles removed from Cuba, ending the Cuban Missile Crisis.

1965
Construction completed on St. Louis Arch; at 630 feet (192m), it is the world's tallest arch.

1971
Britain launches the satellite Prospero into orbit, using a Black Arrow carrier rocket; this is the first and so far (2013) only British satellite launched by a British rocket.

1982
The Spanish Socialist Workers' Party wins election, giving Spain its first Socialist government since the death of right-wing President Francisco Franco.

2007
Argentina elects its first woman president, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner.

Today in History: Born on October 28
1936
Charlie Daniels, country / Southern rock singer, songwriter, musician ("The Devil Went Down to Georgia").

1949
Bruce Jenner, athlete, actor; won gold medal in the Decathlon at the Summer Olympics in Montreal (1976).

1955
William "Bill" Gates, the chairman and CEO of Microsoft Corporation, the world's largest software firm.

1967
Julia Roberts, actress (Pretty Woman, Steel Magnolias; won Academy Award for Best Actress in Erin Brockovich).

1967
John Romero, game designer, developer; co-founded id Software (Doom, Quake).

1972
Brad Paisley, country / Southern rock singer, songwriter, musician ("I'm Gonna Miss Her," "Letter to Me"); his many awards include the Country Music Association's Entertainer of the Year 2010.

JOTD
My friend and I make frequent conjugal visits to a local female prison, to remind the inmates what it's like to have a selfless guy go down on them.

It just gives us some scents of perp puss.