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Today in History: May 9

1502 Christopher Columbus leaves Spain on his final trip to the New World.

1859 Threatened by the advancing French army, the Austrian army retreats across the River Sesia in Italy.

1864 Union General John Sedgwick is shot and killed by a Confederate sharpshooter during fighting at Spotsylvania. His last words are: "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--"

1962 A laser beam is successfully bounced off the moon for the first time.

1974 The House Judiciary Committee begins formal hearings on Nixon impeachment.

Born on May 9

1921 Mona van Duyn, American poet laureate.

1936 Albert Finney, British actor (Murder on the Orient Express, Tom Jones).


JOTD
A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish
Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fricker!".
"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.
Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a fricker fish".
Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church.
"Look at this huge fricker" says the priest, spotting the bishop.
"Language, please! this is God's house," replies the bishop.
"No, no that's what this fish is called, "says the priest.
"Oh," says the bishop, scratching his chin "I could clean that fricker and we could have it for dinner".
So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior.
"Could you cook this fricker for dinner tonight?" he asks her.
"My, what language!" she exclaims, clearly shocked.
"No, sister that's what the fish is called - a fricker", says the bishop.
Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, "Wonderful, I'll cook that fricker tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!"
The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it.
"Well, I caught the fricker!" says the priest.
"And I cleaned the fricker!" says the bishop.
"And I cooked the fricker!" says the mother superior.
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says:" You know what?, You c u n t s are alright."