GF finds dating app, then buys samurai sword

You skipped the best quotes in the article. But, in fairness, that article is full of good stuff. An OT'er had to have written this.

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With her boyfriend finally asleep, Emily Javier reached for the samurai sword she had secretly taped earlier to the side of the bed.

According to an affidavit filed by police, the room was dark, and she sparked her phone to see better. To aim better. Below snoozed Alex Lovell. He played too many videos games, Javier would later explain to the police, and now he was cheating on her, she claimed.

She knew the signs. Tinder on his phone. Scratches across his back. A girl’s hair in their shower drain. In the weak phone glow, Javier allegedly started hacking. Lovell woke to his girlfriend of two years attacking him with a sword, police say. Survival instincts — mainly martial arts training and all the kung fu films he had watched — clicked in.

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lex Lovell — known as “Biggie” in his local gamer scene — is an avid player of “PlayerUnknown’s Battleground,” a multiplayer online fighting game. As he told the Oregonian/OregonLive, Lovell has been recently logging 12 to 13 hours a day playing the game. The regimen also required “exercises for his hands, wrists and shoulders and also practicing mouse moves and techniques to maximize performance,” the paper reported. “I wasn’t a sweaty nerd, more of an Ethlete,” Lovell told the Oregonian/OregonLive.

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She found red hair in the shower drain — her own hair was dyed green.

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In an interview with the Columbian this week, Lovell denied he was unfaithful. “I barely had time to hang out with my girlfriend, let alone another girl,” he told the paper. “I didn’t see it coming, but it makes sense that it happened. She obviously didn’t want anyone else to have me, so — samurai sword.”

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#BelieveAllWomen

They are all emotionally stable.

Would

Never trust a chick with green hair. And they stink.