re: Friends son just passed away in a car accident

My cousin passed away unexpectedly several years ago. My uncle (as well as myself) were almost inconsolable (we were more like brothers).

After a few years my uncle mentioned that a lot of people stopped reaching out to him except for one friend (can't remember who it was, not that it matters) who checked in with him almost every week. My uncle said that was something that he looked forward to and helped him tremendously even if they didn't chat each time. This person also didn't avoid asking/talking about my cousin even knowing it would probably bring about another tearful response. My uncle said that's what helped him the most.
As mentioned, everyone grieves differently, but if someone can be that person for your friend, that might be the most help.

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Our whole neighborhood is rallying around and doing the meal train and that kind of stuff but I want to help him somehow. Any suggestions on what I could do other than be there for him?

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I had a friend in the same situation, it's very sad and any parent's greatest fear. The best advise I got was to be available to the family, now and in the future. Unfortunately, in the coming months and years, their son won't be the topic of conversation for everyone not directly affected. The talks about who he was and how he's remembered will fade. As the time passes, just let the family know you are always open to talking about him and his memory. As crazy as it sounds, the family will begin to think no one wants to hear them talking about him all the time.

tldr: Just make it clear that you are always open and always want to hear all the stories, memories and thoughts they are willing to tell about him. Just listen as much as possible.

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If you told me this after I lost a child I’d kick you out of my house

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Try hearing "It was God's plan...." People say stupid sh!t

let them grief for a while.

There is ZERO bigger loss than that of your own child. I can’t even imagine what it would do to me… the people that say only time will fix it, I’m not to sure about that.

Went through something similar. Meals are great, but I had friends do things like mow my lawn, tend the garden, etc.. It’s nice when your world is crumbling not having to do the monotonous things that don’t stop.

Be there and silent. In one year have a party/remembering of him planned out. That one year mark hits just as hard , I’ve got some family that this happened to. It’s nice to know that the fallen haven’t been forgotten. That will be the best you can do

This is a great point. Some parents feel, over time, that others have forgotten their child. Support is appreciated in the times when meals, visits, etc. fade. Some never fully accept the loss and impacts who they are as a person.

People don’t forget those who were with them during times of grief. There is no right or wrong here, just genuine care depending on the depth of friendship.

A “I’m so sorry” and a hug goes a long way.

As someone I know who lost a relatively unexpectedly, has said, plants are a far better condolence gift than flowers. The plants don’t die when all the flowers do. I had a friend tell me she broke down in tears for hours the day she threw out all the dead flowers following her husbands passing.