Fellas, Date a Woman With Her Own Place

Lies

So your sister was home alone for awhile until your mom came back from the grocery store.

Dear Lifetime Network

Sounds like you don't have your own place either, baw.

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She’s got a goddamn dog that she seldom ever leaves overnight.

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dealbreaker

quote:

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She’s got a goddamn dog that she seldom ever leaves overnight

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Peanut butter in the butt crack. Smiles for all in the morning.

A

A

Many years ago, we returned home in a drunken stupor and having struck out ourselves to find our third roommate, Paul (his real name, hi Paul), who never, ever, ever, never got laid was enjoying some female companionship.

We went into drunk stealth mode and attempted to not make a sound when we heard her say "I said no already."

We stopped and looked at one another like - Paul, you kinky MFer, what manner of perversion are you trying to befoul this fine young woman with?

After an awkward moment she proclaimed much louder "I said NO, I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH YOU JERK OFF."

At which point we fell on the floor, paralyzed with laughter. She left shortly thereafter, our attempts to exchange pleasantries on the way out met with cold reception.

Paul emerged and of course the only thing to say "We don't want to watch you jerk off either motherfricker so don't bother asking."