re: Ever had a family member in a nursing home?

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My mom sold her business and moved grandma in with her, but the family farm was wiped out.

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one illness can wipe out two generations of wealth in a hurry.

More or less but there are certain rules you have to follow. Spending some money up front on a lawyer or CPA will save you money in the long run. Be sure they specialize in elder issues. It's a specialized field and a generalist may not be aware of all the minutia.

Wife was a charge nurse in one for a time back in the 90's. She'll tell you that if you didn't pay close attention, some clients would be deprived of basic comforts. But, it's a shame when simple human dignity gets degraded like this. I visited one in 1973 as a freshman in high school to provide some basic treats that we as a 4H club had collected. I was so overwhelmed with the suffering and lackadaisical attitude of the staff, I didn't go back to one for 30 or so years. It just had that smell of urine and poop. Some of those poor people were left at the door with a suitcase and a few belongings and left. No visits, no mail, no phone calls. It was pitiful.

The only guarantee you have for her quality of life is a Life Care Community

Independent Living. Assisted Living. Skilled Nursing. All on site.

Spent 30 Years Marketing such Community s

I’m a PT and have worked across all settings of healthcare including SNF, assisted living, home health, rehab and now with case management in acute care.
The number one thing I tell older people as they age is stay active if you want to remain living in your home.
People become sedentary and little by little become weaker and moving into a facility becomes inevitable after they can no longer get around or fall, etc. I have 90+ year old patients thriving at home but they all have made a conscious effort to stay active.

The answer for your grandmother will depend a lot on her mental and physical abilities.
These are pretty much the options when people need care.
1- they can remain home with home health and caregiver support (this could be family members, privately paid caregivers- usually 20+ per hour, or even a PCA that Medicaid provides if your income qualifies)
Hospice care can provide increased caregiver support, supplies, DME etc. but they have to qualify with a terminal illness.
2- Assisted living facility- usually this is a private apartment inside a facility. They provide 3 meals a day and that’s pretty much it. They need to be mobile and mostly take care of themselves. Any additional physical assist is “a la carte”. You pay extra for baths, 2-hr nursing checks, etc. this is all privately funded and can cost anywhere from 3000-6000+ per month.
3- nursing home
There are 2 ways to enter:
1- under SNF level of care meaning you have a “skilled need” usually after hospital stay (IV meds, therapy, wound care). Insurance can pay 20 days at 100%. The goal is for these people to return home after getting “rehab”
2- under long term care. You have to go through the process from home and it can be lengthy. This costs 6000+/mo. depending on where you live. Most rooms are semi-private. But you have 24-hr care. You spend down until you meet Medicaid requirements. If you have significant assets they look back 5 years (so you can’t just put it in someone else’s name). If you have income your check will go to the state to fund Medicaid (any pension, social security, etc). I think you may get to keep 38 per month of it.

I tell people you will find good and bad at every facility. There are some amazing CNAs and there are some terrible ones. The reality is they are paid very low, over-worked and under- appreciated. Also most nurses at nursing homes are LPNs (low level nurses). They keep the costs down to make the highest profit. These are for-profit facilities with administrators getting big bonuses. Tour several and talk to the CNAs- they will be the ones providing day to day care. Visit often and even write a bio about your family member, this helps the staff know them on a more personal level, not just the elderly demented person they are meeting for the first time.
Also cms.gov lists star ratings for the facilities