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Started By
Message
re: Divorce is brutal.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:10 pm to AlbertMeansWell
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:10 pm to AlbertMeansWell
Lots of references to 3 or more kids and divorce in this thread.
Glad we stopped at two.
Glad we stopped at two.
0
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:11 pm to Boh
OP: What masters degree did she just graduate with?
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:11 pm to AlbertMeansWell
quote:
Not to go into details but god damn it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.
It sucks and depending on the length of your marriage (mine was short) and the kids (i had none) it can be bad or worse.
Took me a long, long time to move past it. My 2nd marriage is over 20 years in and looks like it will go the distance.
It will get better, my dude.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:12 pm to mikelbr
quote:. I wasn’t that tough. I used to pray that I would die in my sleep.
Yes he will. But 9 yrs ago, I clearly remember wanting to be murdered in a carjacking or hit by an 18 wheeler or get an aggressive cancer so I wouldn't have to do it myself. That is real talk.
Divorces suck. Time heals,some.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:13 pm to tigerfoot
quote:
Im not being an a-hole here, but there is someone else. Chicks dont do this without a soft spot to land.
2 things for certain, 1) She has a support network of other selfish women that have propped her up and give her support 2) there is another love interest as well.
100%. It's not being an a-hole. That's just female nature.
Maybe there's no physical relationship going on but she has someone in mind.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:13 pm to AlbertMeansWell
Divorce is brutal for the man. The women goes from stuck at her parents to a new house and vehicle
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:14 pm to AlbertMeansWell
quote:
Divorce is brutal.
quote:
Not to go into details but god damn it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.
Yep. I went through it 5 years ago and it still sucks. If kids are involved it is even worse.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:15 pm to AlbertMeansWell
quote:
This is 100% going on. I can tell when I talk to her.
I can still remember riding to the store with the guy she left me for. We went to get beers for a party at the house. She left me about a week later for him. Now, 9 years later, we're all friends and even tailgate together.
One day, about 12-18 months from now, you will remember this and it won't hurt anymore.
But until then, the ride is an absolute roller coaster of emotions. Don't let the lows or highs get the best of you.
Just try not to hurt anyone including yourself. Make that your daily goal.
This post was edited on 8/10/20 at 8:16 pm
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:15 pm to PrivatePublic
quote:
Yep.
Wondering what the OP left out.
Nothing left out. Something changed after our youngest daughter was born. We started arguing a lot. Even though it wasn’t all my fault, I’ll take full responsibility.
My Soon to be ex-wife is a fairy liberal person with fairly liberal friends. I can see the feminist influences in her decision. Her father never liked my family because myself and my family were able to support her in ways he couldn’t.
I get wanting a divorce, but I don’t understand blindsiding new. I’ll never understand it.
The worst part is, I miss her so much. I know she screwed me over in the way she handled it but she’s still my wife. I feel so guilty for missing her.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:16 pm to StupidBinder
quote:We communicated about schedules, school, social functions and we executed. Period. No emotion at all. We sat together at church and school functions. It didn't suck. Without my daughter I doubt we would have ever spoke 10 words to each other ever again.
but you were “dumped on your arse” by a woman who’s existence you you didn’t/couldn’t acknowledge while somehow raising a kid together...
The outcome sounds great, but the path there seems like it sucked.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:16 pm to AlbertMeansWell
Dad's Divorce Forum
I would recommend using these forums to gain knowledge so as to better have your attorney working to get you the best deal out of this.
Thread #1 is DO Not Leave The Home. I know you said she left, in the chance she comes back and tries to coax you into leaving, do not do it. It's a play her attorney is trying to get you to commit abandonment/ Desertion. Instead, see if your attorney can have this filed on her.
Your parents paid for her degree. Did they pay for it from their personal account or did they gift you guys the money and the degree was paid for from your account? If the latter, get your attorney to include her education as an asset paid for via marital income. Also have your attorney imput her income in her new field ,not whatever she is making from her job today.
eta Adding THE LIST
The list is long and a good read for any guy with even the slightest potential to split with the Soon To Be Ex (STBX). I've read it and followed some of these guidelines. Especially creating a log of the interactions with the kids (even something as little as take them to the park, or scrambled them eggs).
I've not yet been divorced, been on the ropes for a while, but I've seen a few guys I work with go through the big D. They failed to carry out several calls to action from the list and I've seen them lose their asses off. Stuff like talking to them everyday, pay for things, do favors as a convenience for her, frick that, Divorce is a business transaction. Radio silence unless absolutely necessary.
Do not establish a precedence
I would recommend using these forums to gain knowledge so as to better have your attorney working to get you the best deal out of this.
Thread #1 is DO Not Leave The Home. I know you said she left, in the chance she comes back and tries to coax you into leaving, do not do it. It's a play her attorney is trying to get you to commit abandonment/ Desertion. Instead, see if your attorney can have this filed on her.
Your parents paid for her degree. Did they pay for it from their personal account or did they gift you guys the money and the degree was paid for from your account? If the latter, get your attorney to include her education as an asset paid for via marital income. Also have your attorney imput her income in her new field ,not whatever she is making from her job today.
eta Adding THE LIST
The list is long and a good read for any guy with even the slightest potential to split with the Soon To Be Ex (STBX). I've read it and followed some of these guidelines. Especially creating a log of the interactions with the kids (even something as little as take them to the park, or scrambled them eggs).
I've not yet been divorced, been on the ropes for a while, but I've seen a few guys I work with go through the big D. They failed to carry out several calls to action from the list and I've seen them lose their asses off. Stuff like talking to them everyday, pay for things, do favors as a convenience for her, frick that, Divorce is a business transaction. Radio silence unless absolutely necessary.
Do not establish a precedence
This post was edited on 8/10/20 at 8:26 pm
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:20 pm to AlbertMeansWell
Speaking from personal experience, don't say mean things about her to your kids, even if they are true and she says things to them about you. Take the high road.
They'll learn the truth when they are old enough or will start to see it for themselves.
They'll learn the truth when they are old enough or will start to see it for themselves.
This post was edited on 8/10/20 at 8:21 pm
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:22 pm to AlbertMeansWell
Going through one now brother. I feel you. Luckily, all except one of ours is grown (we have a 10yo still living with us). I’m currently paying for her new apartment.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:25 pm to mikelbr
quote:frick Dat. I could forgive the woman, they are all trifling....but the man, no, no, no hell no.
We went to get beers for a party at the house. She left me about a week later for him. Now, 9 years later, we're all friends and even tailgate together.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:26 pm to AlbertMeansWell
quote:
I get wanting a divorce, but I don’t understand blindsiding new. I’ll never understand it.
It took me years to accept and appreciate this fact:
if she blindsided you, it was because she still cared and was struggling with the decision, timing, etc.
This isn't something for today's post but next year.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:27 pm to AlbertMeansWell
Never let someone tell you that they don't want you more than once. You don't learn anything the second time a mule kicks you in the arse! You will get through it, love your kids without measure!
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:27 pm to mikelbr
quote:
Now, 9 years later, we're all friends and even tailgate together.
But your plan is to bang and steal him.....playing the long and hard game
Freak
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:28 pm to AUCE05
quote:
You should try cancer.
Try divorce while your mom dies of cancer.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:30 pm to tigerfoot
quote:
We communicated about schedules, school, social functions and we executed. Period. No emotion at all. We sat together at church and school functions. It didn't suck. Without my daughter I doubt we would have ever spoke 10 words to each other ever again.
Well, there are exceptions to everything so congrats on making it work.
Posted on 8/10/20 at 8:30 pm to mikelbr
quote:
It took me years to accept and appreciate this fact:
if she blindsided you, it was because she still cared and was struggling with the decision, timing, etc.
This isn't something for today's post but next year.
She told me yesterday to my face that she still loved me and was madly in love with me. She said she just couldn’t do it anymore. I know I shouldn’t believe her but I do. I think she’s making a mistake and her stubbornness in admitting it is furthering that suspicion. But at some point it fails to be my problem.
I’ll never understand just quitting.
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