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Started By
Message
Bummed out today
Posted on 8/5/16 at 7:50 am
Posted on 8/5/16 at 7:50 am
I found out yesterday that my oldest brother had a stroke, and is in a hospital in Alabama. He's only 54 years old (which sounds younger every year). I spoke with his nurse and she said that when he was admitted, his blood pressure was 280/200 and that his glucose level was through the roof.
He has lost strength on his right side, but he is ambulatory and doesn't appear to have lost any mental capacity.
I'm concerned for his well being...but I'm also pissed that he wasn't taking his medicine to keep his BP in check. I'm struggling to walk the line between caring for him and enabling him. He's never been one that has been big on self-care...but he's a grown man and should take responsibility for his own health.
A little back story...he is a vet (served 2 years in the Army in Germany), and has bounced around from civil service job to civil service job for the last 30 years. He is extremely intelligent (made a perfect score on the ACT in High School, and studied Russian in college), but is also narcissistic with horrible social skills. He shows signs of being bi-polar (but has never been formally diagnosed). He typically doesn't contact me or any of our family unless he is in financial problems...
I want to help my brother, but I'm trying to figure out what my role should be. I love him, but the relationship is toxic. I've spent countless hours and dollars trying to "rescue" him from one situation or another. Now, he really needs some help, and I'm emotionally spent. I'm really just using this to vent a little...but if anyone else has been in a similar situation, I would appreciate some perspective. Thanks OT'ers.
BTW...since he did serve in Augsburg...it would be totally appropriate for a "Germans" response...
He has lost strength on his right side, but he is ambulatory and doesn't appear to have lost any mental capacity.
I'm concerned for his well being...but I'm also pissed that he wasn't taking his medicine to keep his BP in check. I'm struggling to walk the line between caring for him and enabling him. He's never been one that has been big on self-care...but he's a grown man and should take responsibility for his own health.
A little back story...he is a vet (served 2 years in the Army in Germany), and has bounced around from civil service job to civil service job for the last 30 years. He is extremely intelligent (made a perfect score on the ACT in High School, and studied Russian in college), but is also narcissistic with horrible social skills. He shows signs of being bi-polar (but has never been formally diagnosed). He typically doesn't contact me or any of our family unless he is in financial problems...
I want to help my brother, but I'm trying to figure out what my role should be. I love him, but the relationship is toxic. I've spent countless hours and dollars trying to "rescue" him from one situation or another. Now, he really needs some help, and I'm emotionally spent. I'm really just using this to vent a little...but if anyone else has been in a similar situation, I would appreciate some perspective. Thanks OT'ers.
BTW...since he did serve in Augsburg...it would be totally appropriate for a "Germans" response...
12
Posted on 8/5/16 at 7:52 am to madmaxvol
quote:
his blood pressure was 280/200
Didn't know that was possible. 
Thanks for serving. Wish him the best.
Posted on 8/5/16 at 7:55 am to madmaxvol
I take it that in addition to having high blood pressure he's also a diabetic? Overweight? Smoker? His combo is a recipe for a short life. Hopefully this will be a wake up call. I'm diabetic and had a heart issue last June that put the fear of God in me and though I'm not perfect I now take much better care of myself. Perhaps your brother will have a similar revelation.
Posted on 8/5/16 at 7:57 am to madmaxvol
Best of luck to him.
Posted on 8/5/16 at 7:58 am to madmaxvol
My little brother is a burden on the family and myself most of the time as well. I wish you the best going forward.
Posted on 8/5/16 at 7:58 am to madmaxvol
Pray for him. Talk with him. Spend time with him.
But NEVER give him money.
Just by the limited info you have written, he can't handle money at all.
If he only contacts you when he needs money, what kind of relationship even exists?
Tell him you want to be the best brother you can be, but not with your wallet. (no matter how big the "emergency" he creates)
Then you can start building a healthy relationship.
Read the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. It will preserve your family relationships.
But NEVER give him money.
Just by the limited info you have written, he can't handle money at all.
If he only contacts you when he needs money, what kind of relationship even exists?
Tell him you want to be the best brother you can be, but not with your wallet. (no matter how big the "emergency" he creates)
Then you can start building a healthy relationship.
Read the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. It will preserve your family relationships.
Posted on 8/5/16 at 7:59 am to VABuckeye
quote:
I take it that in addition to having high blood pressure he's also a diabetic? Overweight? Smoker?
Diabetic and overweight...but not a smoker. He is actually overweight, not obese.
quote:
Perhaps your brother will have a similar revelation.
I'm hoping so...thanks for your feedback. Congrats on taking care of yourself. Hope you have many more keystrokes ahead of you.
Posted on 8/5/16 at 8:00 am to madmaxvol
Love does not make things all about oneself. There is a need..you help meet it. Amen.
Posted on 8/5/16 at 8:02 am to SECdragonmaster
quote:
Pray for him. Talk with him. Spend time with him.
But NEVER give him money.
Just by the limited info you have written, he can't handle money at all.
If he only contacts you when he needs money, what kind of relationship even exists?
Tell him you want to be the best brother you can be, but not with your wallet. (no matter how big the "emergency" he creates)
Then you can start building a healthy relationship.
Read the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud. It will preserve your family relationships.
I have read boundaries, and haven't given him money since establishing that boundary...I do still pour resources (time, logistical help) into helping him out...and the boundary gets fuzzy. It's just hard to watch a sibling continue to make poor choices.
Posted on 8/5/16 at 8:03 am to madmaxvol
Go take care of your brother. You won't be saying things like this when he passes. Spend as much time together as you can. What would your momma say?
Posted on 8/5/16 at 8:04 am to madmaxvol
Sorry, bro.
Posted on 8/5/16 at 8:21 am to madmaxvol
I lost my grandpa to a massive stroke at 47, and one of my neighbors is recovering from a stroke at 21.
It's rarer at a younger age, but that 280/200 blood pressure that you mentioned is breathtaking. I am surprised that he survived it.
Thoughts to you and your family.
It's rarer at a younger age, but that 280/200 blood pressure that you mentioned is breathtaking. I am surprised that he survived it.
Thoughts to you and your family.
Posted on 8/5/16 at 9:09 am to madmaxvol
quote:
made a perfect score on the ACT in High School
He will fit right in on the OT
But seriously, hopefully he has a good recovery and this helps motivate him to take his health seriously
Posted on 8/5/16 at 9:21 am to madmaxvol
My oldest brother had a massive stroke at the same age and died before he hit the floor.
Be thankful. Be there.
Be thankful. Be there.
Posted on 8/5/16 at 9:22 am to madmaxvol
Many of us have similar type of brothers. Myself included.
There is a breaking point where he must do the growing up on his own. You won't always be there to hold his hand. Best of luck to you guys
There is a breaking point where he must do the growing up on his own. You won't always be there to hold his hand. Best of luck to you guys
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