re: Beef with girlfriend. Curious to hear from both genders about who's right/wrong.

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Like most here agree, the best plan is to figure out how to do both.

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I'll bet we're talking about a bunch of young'n's here, or at least the mentality of some college aged kids

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This should serve as a lesson. Don't say you're going to do something unless you're willing to see it through. No matter how small. In fact, the little things matter more sometimes

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good grief. you guys are seriously acting like he told his girlfriend something like "yes my love, i swear on this Bible and the blood of my ancestors that i will attend Broolyyn's birthday party, and i give you my most solemn vow that nothing will come between me and this most sacred event".

look, i get what you guys are saying. yes, generally speaking, a man should keep his commitments. but a man also has to have the autonomy to prioritize emerging requirements. if he can find a way to do both, great. but he clearly has personal conviction about helping his friend, and that should take priority.

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Bowing down to girlfriends at a young age, doing whatever they say in fear that they will get upset or breakup with you, is a great way to mold yourself into a yes man bitch for the forseeable future.

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He shouldn’t honor his commitment to the party out of fear, it should be out of respect for his significant other. He said he would go and is trying to cancel for an “event” that can be done earlier that day and/or even a few afternoons prior to the weekend.

It’s not about who is in control, it’s about being a decent human to the person you are in a committed relationship with.

Also circumstances matter. It’s a 21 year olds party where I bet the whole family will be going to dinner or something and then the younger people will go out for drinks. Him not being there for a big moment in that family’s life will reflect poorly on him. If it were just brunch plans with his gf and no one else was involved, you can cancel and do brunch on Sunday or the following weekend but this is plans with other people that his gf probably cares about and wants them to think highly of him.

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"Bowing down to girlfriends." Since when is doing what you said you'd do, "Bowing down"? WTF are you talking about?

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because his girlfriend is being inflexible, unreasonable, and deliberately not-understanding. do you think she really gives a shite about whether or not he is at the party? no. she will be taking shots with her friends and sister and he will be outside with other dudes drinking beers. this is about control, and she is trying to control him by making him do what she wants and not what he believes to be something that is more important.

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Also circumstances matter. It’s a 21 year olds party where I bet the whole family will be going to dinner or something and then the younger people will go out for drinks. Him not being there for a big moment in that family’s life will reflect poorly on him. If it were just brunch plans with his gf and no one else was involved, you can cancel and do brunch on Sunday or the following weekend but this is plans with other people that his gf probably cares about and wants them to think highly of him.

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you are literally assuming all of this to make your point. If the guy is going to be in a long term relationship with this girl, im sure there will be hundreds of opportunities to hang out with her friends and family outside of this one event/birthday party

I’m a girl. I think you should help the friend move since he’s helped you in the past. Girls are irrationally stupid about such things/ bday parties….
She’ll get over it. A funeral or a wedding, then you’d have to go. But a bday party. No. My grandfather said never miss a first wedding and never miss a funeral.

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I’m a girl. I think you should help the friend move since he’s helped you in the past. Girls are irrationally stupid about such things/ bday parties…. She’ll get over it. A funeral or a wedding, then you’d have to go. But a bday party. No. My grandfather said never miss a first wedding and never miss a funeral.

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SILENCE. MEN SPEAKING.

oh wait, you're on my side. ok i'll allow it.

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Do neither. Go fishing. See who gets over it first. Or ever.

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we may have a winner.

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this is about control, and she is trying to control him by making him do what she wants and not what he believes to be something that is more important.

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This is getting blown way out of proportion.

You see this as a power play. I don't.

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yes, his priorities lay with his convictions, not her family. we agree

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I guess this is the impasse. If he doesn’t care about what her family thinks of him then go ahead and bail on the party.

The adults in the room who have been in similar situations are telling him the correct answer which is to do both.

If he makes both work then everyone is happy and in the future when something actually important comes up (not his buddy moving) he can point back to this moment as evidence that she is important and he would make it work if he could but this time he has to cancel plans to deal with whatever came up.

If he bails, when something comes up in the future she will point to this to say he always chooses other things over her.

When it’s possible to do what you want AND appease your SO, you take that route. It’s the right thing to do and it pays off in the long run.